Manners and Social Usages, Mrs John M. E. W. Sherwood [always you kirsty moseley .txt] 📗

>veil, or a handkerchief, or a fan, scarcely ever the whole dress,

has lasted fifty years, and she holds a bouquet of white flowers.

A wedding-cake is prepared with a ring in it, and on the frosting

is the date, and the monogram of the two, who have lived together

so long.

 

These golden weddings are apt to be sad. It is not well for the

old to keep anniversaries—too many ghosts come to the feast.

Still, if people are happy enough to wish to do so, there can be

no harm in it. Their surroundings may possibly surpass their

fondest dreams, but as it regards themselves, the contrast is

painful. They have little in common with bridal joys, and unless

it is the wish of some irrepressible descendant, few old couples

care to celebrate the golden wedding save in their hearts. If they

have started at the foot of the ladder, and have risen, they may

not wish to remember their early struggles; if they have started

high, and have gradually sunk into poverty or ill health, they

certainly do not wish to photograph those better days by the

fierce light of an anniversary, It is only the very exceptionally

good, happy, and serene people who can afford to celebrate a

golden wedding.

 

Far otherwise with the silver wedding, which comes in this country

while people are still young, in the very prime of life, With much

before them, and when to stop midway to take an account of one’s

friends and one’s blessings is a wise and a pleasant thing. The

cards are issued, printed in silver, somewhat in this style:

 

1856. 1881.

 

_Mr. and Mrs. Carter

request the pleasure of your company

on Wednesday, October the twenty-seventh,

at eight o’clock.

Silver Wedding.

 

John Carter. Sarah Smith._

 

Such, at least, is one form. Many people do not, however, add

their names at the end; while, again, some go even farther; and

transcribe the marriage notice from the newspaper of the period.

 

Gifts of silver being comparatively inexpensive, and always

useful, almost all friends who are invited send a gift of

silver-ware, marked “Silver Wedding” or, still better, marked

with an appropriate motto, and the initials of the pair, engraved

in a true-lover’s knot.

 

In old Dutch silver these pretty monograms and the lover’s knot

are very common. This was probably put upon the original wedding

silver, and we know that the art was studied by such men as

Albrecht D�rer, Benvenuto Cellini, and Rubens, for we find among

their drawings many monograms and such devices. It adds very much

to the beauty of a piece of silver to bear such engraving, and it

is always well to add a motto, or a “posy,” as the bid phrase has

it, thus investing the gift with a personal interest, in our

absence of armorial bearings. Since many pretty ornaments come in

silver, it is possible to vary the gifts by sometimes presenting

flacons (a pendant flacon for the chatelaine: some very

artistic things come in this pretty ornament now, with colored

plaques representing antique figures, etc.). Sometimes a costly

intaglio is sunk in silver and set as a pin. Clocks of silver,

bracelets, statuary in silver, necklaces, picture-frames, and

filigree pendants hanging to silver necklaces which resemble

pearls; beautiful jewel-cases and boxes for the toilet;

dressing-cases well furnished with silver; hand-mirrors set in

fretted silver; bracelets, pendant seals, and medallions in high

relief—all come now for gifts in the second precious metal. A

very pretty gift was designed by a young artist for his mother on

the celebration of her silver wedding. It was a monogram and

love-knot after the fashion of the seventeenth century, and made,

when joined, a superb belt-clasp, each little ornament of the

relief repeating the two dates. Mantle clasps of solid silver

ornamented with precious stones, and known in the Middle Ages as

fermillets, are pretty presents, and these ornaments can be also

enriched with gold and enamel without losing their silver

character. Chimerical animals and floral ornaments are often used

in enriching these agrafes.

 

Mirrors set in silver are very handsome for the toilet-table;

also, brushes and combs can be made of it. All silver is apt to

tarnish, but a dip in water and ammonia cleans it at once, and few

people now like the white foamy silver; that which has assumed a

gray tint is much more admired. Indeed, artistic jewellers have

introduced the hammered silver, which looks like an old tin

teapot, and to the admirers of the real silver tint is very ugly;

but it renders the wearing of a silver ch�telaine very much

easier, for the chains and ornaments which a lady now wears on her

belt are sure to grow daily into the fashion. Silver parasol

handles are also very fashionable. We have enlarged upon this

subject of gifts of silver in answer to several questions as to

what it is proper to give at a silver wedding. Of course the

wealthy can send pitchers, vases, vegetable dishes, soup tureens,

and waiters. All the beautiful things which are now made by our

silversmiths are tempting to the purse. There are also handsome

silver necklaces, holding old and rare coins, and curious watches

of silver, resembling fruits, nuts, and animals. The farther back

we go in the history of silver-ware, the better models we are sure

to obtain.

 

As for the entertainment, it includes the inevitable cake, of

course, and the bride puts the knife into it as she did

twenty-five years ago. The ring is eagerly sought for. Then a

large and plentiful repast is offered, exactly like that of any

reception-table. Champagne is in order, healths are drunk, and

speeches made at most of these silver weddings.

 

Particularly delightful are silver weddings which are celebrated

in the country, especially if the house is large enough to hold a

number of guests. Then many a custom can be observed of peculiar

significance and friendliness; everybody can help to prepare the

feast, decorate the house with flowers, and save the bride from

those tearful moments which come with any retrospect. All should

try to make the scene a merry one, for there is no other reason

for its celebration.

 

Tin weddings, which occur after ten years have passed over two

married heads, are signals for a general frolic. Not only are the

usual tin utensils which can be used for the kitchen and household

purposes offered, but fantastic designs and ornaments are gotten

up for the purpose of raising a laugh. One young bride received a

handsome check from her father-in-law, who labelled it “Tin,” and

sent it to her in a tin pocket-book elaborately constructed for

the purpose. One very pretty tin fender was constructed for the

fireplace of another, and was not so ugly. A tin screen, tin

chandeliers, tin fans, and tin tables have been offered. If these

serve no other purpose, they do admirably for theatrical

properties later, if the family like private plays, etc., at home.

 

Wooden weddings occur after five years of marriage, and afford the

bride much refurnishing of the kitchen, and nowadays some

beautiful presents of wood-carving. The wooden wedding, which was

begun in jest with a step-ladder and a rolling-pin several years

ago, now threatens to become a very splendid anniversary indeed,

since the art of carving in wood is so popular, and so much

practised by men and women. Every one is ready for a carved box,

picture-frame, screen, sideboard, chair, bureau, dressing-table,

crib, or bedstead. Let no one be afraid to offer a bit of wood

artistically carved. Everything is in order but wooden nutmegs;

they are ruled out.

 

At one of the golden weddings of the Rothschilds we read of such

presents as a solid gold dinner service; a chased cup of Benvenuto

Cellini in solid gold, enriched with precious stones; a box, with

cover of gold, in the early Renaissance, with head of Marie de

Medicis in oxidized gold; of rings from Cyprus, containing

sapphires from the tombs of the Crusaders; of solid crystals cut

in drinking cups, with handles of gold; of jade goblets set in

gold saucers; of singing-birds in gold; and of toilet appliances,

all in solid gold, not to speak of chains, rings, etc. This is

luxury, and as such to be commended to those who can afford it.

But it must entail great inconvenience. Gold is so valuable that a

small piece of it goes a great way, and even a Rothschild would

not like to leave out a gold dressing-case, lest it might tempt

the most honest of waiting-women.

 

No doubt some of our millionaire Americans can afford such golden

wedding-presents, but of course they are rare, and even if common,

would be less in keeping than some less magnificent gifts. Our

republican simplicity would be outraged and shocked at seeing so

much coin of the realm kept out of circulation.

 

There are, however, should we wish to make a present to a bride of

fifty years’ standing, many charming bits of gold jewellery very

becoming, very artistic, and not too expensive for a moderate

purse. There are the delicate productions of Castellani, the gold

and enamel of Venice, the gold-work of several different colors

which has become so artistic; there are the modern antiques,

copied from the Phoenician jewellery found at Cyprus—these made

into pins for the cap, pendants for the neck, rings and bracelets,

boxes for the holding of small sweetmeats, so fashionable many

years ago, are pretty presents for an elderly lady. For a

gentleman it is more difficult to find souvenirs. We must

acknowledge that it is always difficult to select a present for a

gentleman. Unless he has as many feet as Briareus had hands, or

unless he is a centipede, he cannot wear all the slippers given to

him; and the shirt-studs and sleeve-buttons are equally

burdensome. Rings are now fortunately in fashion, and can be as

expensive as one pleases. But one almost regrets the disuse of

snuff, as that gave occasion for many beautiful boxes. It would be

difficult to find, however, such gold snuffboxes as were once

handed round among monarchs and among wealthy snuffers. The giving

of wedding-presents has had to endure many changes since its first

beginning, which was a wise and generous desire to help the young

pair to begin housekeeping. It has become now an occasion of

ostentation. So with the gifts at the gold and silver weddings.

They have almost ceased to be friendly offerings, and are oftener

a proof of the giver’s wealth than of his love.

 

No wonder that some delicate-minded people, wishing to celebrate

their silver wedding, cause a line to be printed on their

invitations, “No presents received.”

 

Foreigners have a beautiful custom, which we have not, of

remembering every f�te day, every birthday, every saint’s day, in

a friend’s calendar. A bouquet, a present of fruit, a kind note, a

little celebration which costs nothing, occurs in every family on

papa’s birthday or mamma’s f�te day. But as we have nothing of

that sort, and as most people prefer that, as in the case of the

hero of the Pirates, a birthday shall only come once in four

years, it is well for us to celebrate the tin, silver, and golden

weddings.

 

The twentieth anniversary of one’s wedding is never celebrated. It

is considered very unlucky to do so. The Scotch think one or the

other will die within the year if the twentieth anniversary is

even alluded to.

 

CHAPTER XV.

THE ETIQUETTE OF BALLS.

 

A hostess must not use the word “ball” on her invitation-cards.

She may say,

 

_Mrs. John Brown requests the pleasure of the company of

Mr. and Mrs. Amos Smith

on Thursday evening, November twenty-second,

at nine