The Celestial Gate, Avital Dicker [best inspirational books txt] 📗

went back to the pharmacy to get four more kits, praying the first was wrong. But it wasn’t.

Amalia wasn’t sure what to do. Neither of them had planned or wanted this pregnancy. Yoav was close to finishing his studies at Bezalel Academy and had been awarded a scholarship to a very prestigious art school in New York. He dreamed of an international career. And she was two years short of finishing her law degree. She’d intended on visiting him in New York during semester breaks, but neither of them had any long-term plans. Certainly no thoughts of marriage or a baby. They were too young. Besides, she’d intended to celebrate law degree with a long trip with her girlfriends to East Asia – to see the world, to run wild – before starting to think about a career, mortgage, or family. Sure, she was in love with Yoav, but they’d only just met. And these years were meant for experiencing – no, devouring – life.

All four subsequent pregnancy tests showed the same result as the first, as did the blood test at the doctor’s.

Obviously, she’d never travel to the Far East with a baby. She wasn’t even sure she’d be able to finish her law degree.

At first, Amalia considered an abortion. Even though she’d decided it was the most rational thing to do in order to be able to go on with her life, with every passing day she found herself less and less inclined to schedule an appointment. It was too hard to say goodbye to the miracle of life growing within her. She postponed it from one week to the next until it was too late.

Café Aroma was empty except for an old man with a dog in the back. Amalia selected a table in the shade and ordered a soy milk decaf latte. How does a bartender who needs nothing but booze and parties turn into a swollen-bellied woman drinking decaf with soy milk? she wondered bitterly.

Back then, for that disastrous last meeting, they’d also arranged to meet at Café Aroma. Beforehand, Amalia had run through every possible scenario. She knew that Yoav would be less than pleased to find out she was pregnant, but the reaction she got hadn’t occurred to her. Yoav had sat there, silent, for about an eternity, then got up to say he was going to the men’s room. Amalia waited an hour, but Yoav never returned.

Amalia kept her pregnancy secret for almost four months. But once she started showing and it was no longer possible to hide it, there was no choice but to tell the truth. She went to see her mother.

Rebecca, Amalia’s mother, had a thick rulebook, in which everything permissible and prohibited was clearly spelled out. Getting pregnant while still at school, out of wedlock, was so far out there, so unthinkable in a family such as hers, that it wasn’t even in the book.

When Amalia told Rebecca, her mother lifted a fleshy, trembling hand to her forehead and dramatically declared, “Yossi! Catch me! I’m fainting!”

Ever since Amalia was little, her mother would threaten to faint at least once a week. But Rebecca was an exceptionally healthy woman. Despite her threats, she never succeeded in passing out.

Amalia waited patiently for her mother to complete her scolding. “In the middle of the academic year? How could you have done this to me? What am I supposed to tell people?”

Amalia wanted to scream, I haven’t done anything to you, but she refrained. She hated the idea of having to go back to her parents’ place after giving birth – she and her mother had never gotten along – but she couldn’t think of any other way to manage with a baby. She would need help if she wanted to continue to study and complete her degree.

Amalia heaped three teaspoons of sugar into her cup and slowly stirred her coffee, trying not to break the white froth topping her drink.

She could feel the baby moving. She loved the tiny little kicks inside her.

She’d name him Yam – “ocean” – because it’s her favorite place in the whole world.

Suddenly, a week ago, just as she was entering her ninth month, she got a call from Yoav. Amalia refused to pick up. It had been almost nine months since he’d abandoned her with the pregnancy – and the tab – at Aroma. The insult still stung. But Yoav kept calling, again and again, throughout the week, while she continued not to answer him.

Amalia knew that no matter how much she hated him, Yoav was still the father of her child and her child would need a father. In the end, she’d have to answer. So, after a week of misgivings, Amalia texted Yoav and agreed to meet.

“Hey,” said Yoav. He was right across from her, tan and gorgeous, exactly as she remembered. Amalia wasn’t prepared for the sensations that flooded through her body, which responded to him despite her will. It annoyed her. She refused to give him the pleasure of seeing her break down. What she wouldn’t have given now for a glass of wine if only she weren’t pregnant. Instead, she tried not to look at him and concentrated on the foam in her cup.

Finally, after feeling she was once again in control, she said, “It’s a boy. I’m thinking of calling him Yam,” she added in a low voice.

Yoav smiled, and Amalia knew he was thinking about that night on the beach. She wanted to kill him. She loved him so much and he’d just gotten up and walked away from her, leaving her with broken dreams and a growing tummy. She was wrong to think she could do this – confront her feelings and meet with him – but everything was still too fresh, too raw.

“I can’t do this,” she said, feeling the anger rise in her. “You got up and left.”

“I’m sorry, Amalia.” Yoav put his hand on her arm. “You’re absolutely right. It was wrong of me.