The Small House at Allington, Anthony Trollope [best ebook reader for chromebook .txt] 📗

to fall in love with me. And so was I very foolish to let him love me, at a moment’s notice⁠—without a thought as it were. I was so proud of having him, that I gave myself up to him all at once, without giving him a chance of thinking of it. In a week or two it was done. Who could expect that such an engagement should be lasting?”

“And why not? That is nonsense, Lily. But we will not talk about it.”

“Ah, but I want to talk about it. It was as I have said, and if so, you shouldn’t hate him because he did the only thing which he honestly could do when he found out his mistake.”

“What; become engaged again within a week!”

“There had been a very old friendship, Bell; you must remember that. But I was speaking of his conduct to me, and not of his conduct to⁠—” And then she remembered that that other lady might at this very moment possess the name which she had once been so proud to think that she would bear herself. “Bell,” she said, stopping her other speech suddenly, “at what o’clock do people get married in London?”

“Oh, at all manner of hours⁠—any time before twelve. They will be fashionable, and will be married late.”

“You don’t think she’s Mrs. Crosbie yet, then?”

“Lady Alexandrina Crosbie,” said Bell, shuddering.

“Yes, of course; I forgot. I should so like to see her. I feel such an interest about her. I wonder what coloured hair she has. I suppose she is a sort of Juno of a woman⁠—very tall and handsome. I’m sure she has not got a pug-nose like me. Do you know what I should really like, only of course it’s not possible;⁠—to be godmother to his first child.”

“Oh, Lily!”

“I should. Don’t you hear me say that I know it’s not possible? I’m not going up to London to ask her. She’ll have all manner of grandees for her godfathers and godmothers. I wonder what those grand people are really like.”

“I don’t think there’s any difference. Look at Lady Julia.”

“Oh, she’s not a grand person. It isn’t merely having a title. Don’t you remember that he told us that Mr. Palliser is about the grandest grandee of them all. I suppose people do learn to like them. He always used to say that he had been so long among people of that sort, that it would be very difficult for him to divide himself off from them. I should never have done for that kind of thing; should I?”

“There is nothing I despise so much as what you call that kind of thing.”

“Do you? I don’t. After all, think how much work they do. He used to tell me of that. They have all the governing in their hands, and get very little money for doing it.”

“Worse luck for the country.”

“The country seems to do pretty well. But you’re a radical, Bell. My belief is, you wouldn’t be a lady if you could help it.”

“I’d sooner be an honest woman.”

“And so you are⁠—my own dear, dearest, honest Bell⁠—and the fairest lady that I know. If I were a man, Bell, you are just the girl that I should worship.”

“But you are not a man; so it’s no good.”

“But you mustn’t let your foot go astray in that way; you mustn’t, indeed. Somebody said, that whatever is, is right, and I declare I believe it.”

“I’m sometimes inclined to think, that whatever is, is wrong.”

“That’s because you’re a radical. I think I’ll get up now, Bell; only it’s so frightfully cold that I’m afraid.”

“There’s a beautiful fire,” said Bell.

“Yes; I see. But the fire won’t go all around me, like the bed does. I wish I could know the very moment when they’re at the altar. It’s only half-past ten yet.”

“I shouldn’t be at all surprised if it’s over.”

“Over! What a word that is! A thing like that is over, and then all the world cannot put it back again. What if he should be unhappy after all?”

“He must take his chance,” said Bell, thinking within her own mind that that chance would be a very bad one.

“Of course he must take his chance. Well⁠—I’ll get up now.” And then she took her first step out into the cold world beyond her bed. “We must all take our chance. I have made up my mind that it will be at half-past eleven.”

When half-past eleven came, she was seated in a large easy chair over the drawing-room fire, with a little table by her side, on which a novel was lying. She had not opened her book that morning, and had been sitting for some time perfectly silent, with her eyes closed, and her watch in her hand.

“Mamma,” she said at last, “it is over now, I’m sure.”

“What is over, my dear?”

“He has made that lady his wife. I hope God will bless them, and I pray that they may be happy.” As she spoke these words, there was an unwonted solemnity in her tone which startled Mrs. Dale and Bell.

“I also will hope so,” said Mrs. Dale. “And now, Lily, will it not be well that you should turn your mind away from the subject, and endeavour to think of other things?”

“But I can’t, mamma. It is so easy to say that; but people can’t choose their own thoughts.”

“They can usually direct them as they will, if they make the effort.”

“But I can’t make the effort. Indeed, I don’t know why I should. It seems natural to me to think about him, and I don’t suppose it can be very wrong. When you have had so deep an interest in a person, you can’t drop him all of a sudden.” Then there was again silence, and after a while Lily took up her novel. She made that effort of which her mother had spoken, but she made it altogether in vain. “I declare, Bell,” she said, “it’s the greatest rubbish I ever attempted to read.” This was specially