Laid Bare: Essays and Observations, Judson, Tom [best self help books to read .TXT] 📗

more challenging than others. In some parts of the country it is still pretty tough—if not outright dangerous—to be openly gay. Discretion and subtlety might be more suitable in these situations: why don’t you give your best girlfriend at the office an opening (and you know you have a best a girlfriend at the office) and casually mention that you can’t wait to see “Ocean’s Twelve” because you “think George Clooney is so handsome.” She’ll probably sigh and think to herself, “at last!”

People are fairly intuitive when it comes to those they love. The denial comes into play on the part of the closeted person. A friend of mine lived with his “roommate” in a beautifully decorated house with three Jack Russell Terriers and thought no one had a clue he was gay. I’ll wager even the dogs knew.

Because everyone already knows.

Your sister knows. Your father knows (although he’s running a close second in the denial department.) Brandy, the checkout girl down at the Piggly Wiggly knows. (Mike the bag boy hopes you’re gay, but, at 15, he’s not yet quite sure why he hopes that.)

Your business associates know.

A producer friend who came out late in life made a big production of taking his colleagues out to dinner—one at a time—to tell them what they had known for years. One actress breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Is that all? I was terrified you were going to ask me to do the revival of Annie 2!”

In my own case, my mother finally got fed up and said to me, “Tell me, because I know.” (Mom also confessed she knew I was gay when I was a baby. If she had any lingering doubts they were fully dispelled when, at age 13, I created a six-foot-long facsimile of Barbra Streisand’s signature—resplendent with silver glitter—on the wall of my bedroom.) We were then able to have a conversation without having to think about every word we said and were free to indulge in our normal Presbyterian hang-ups.

But, there’s one overwhelming, foudroyant reason for coming out, and it doesn’t involve your family and friends. It’s not about taking a political stance or moving the gay agenda forward. The best reason for coming out is this: it is going to make you happy. You will suddenly find that you’ve been unknowingly carrying an onerous and debilitating burden. This weight has been keeping your shoulders hunched and your arms at your sides when they could be spread wide as wings, allowing you to soar through your life, concealing nothing, no longer Earth-bound by “secret truths”.

When the Munchkins came out from wherever they were they discovered they had been liberated from a life of hiding and fear. Do yourself a favor: take Glinda’s advice. It got Dorothy home safe and it can get you there, too.

NORMAN RAE

Shouldn’t there be a union for guys in porn? I’m asked that question often. I understand the logic behind this and, as an insider, appreciate it even more than the porn-buying public at large. What’s more, I am a union man: I’m a dues-paying member of Actors’ Equity Association, the professional actors’ union. I’ve been active in union politics and served as a self appointed bur-under-the-saddle of the producers of the National Tour of “42nd Street” a few years back when we were hampered with a sub-standard contract.

Bear all that in mind when I repeat my answer to the above-mentioned query: It ain’t gonna fly.

Labor is organized for two main purposes: to achieve fair wages for members’ efforts and to promote healthy and safe working conditions. Let’s address the second point first. Just what constitutes safe working conditions in an industry that is based around men having sex with other men? Mandatory condom usage? That’s already in place at all the mainstream studios. The barebacking fringe companies obviously would never agree to such demands. Guys that appear in bareback videos are pretty much blacklisted from the big studios. Let’s face it; the only foolproof way to ensure safe conditions on a porn set is to prohibit the sex. In the theater the actual performing surface is an issue in all contracts. Do you even want to think about the “performing surface” at the end of a video shoot? I don’t think so.

But it’s wages most people mean when they bring up the idea of a union. I wouldn’t know where to begin to set a fair per scene rate for a video shoot. (That’s how we’re paid in porn, incidentally; per scene.) What if the performer appears in a solo jackoff scene? Or is in the background in a large orgy? How about if a two-way evolves into a larger group after the initial cumshots? Should the first couple get paid for one or for two scenes? And what if a guy is unable to cum? Should there be a penalty? Or is there a bonus if he comes twice? What about minimum erection duration? Is a bottom more valuable than a top or vice versa? And what about workhorses like me who get saddled with lots of dialogue (“B-roll”, as it’s quaintly referred to in the industry) for no additional compensation? Should I go on strike? All by myself?

Which artfully brings us to the next point: A union of less than all possible talent is toothless. Collective bargaining can only work if the entire workforce is committed to the idea and willing to forego employment knowing that it will strengthen the union. Forming a Porn Actors’ Guild, like any other union, would entail initial drawbacks and monetary loss. Corporations don’t like unions. (Perhaps you’ve heard the name Wal-Mart?) They have to be wrassled to the ground to agree to an organized workforce. That means all of the guys making porn, and all the guys who are thinking about making porn, would have to decline movie