The Two Gentlemen of Verona, William Shakespeare [the speed reading book TXT] 📗

I am no sheep. Proteus The sheep for fodder follow the shepherd; the shepherd for food follows not the sheep: thou for wages followest thy master; thy master for wages follows not thee: therefore thou art a sheep. Speed Such another proof will make me cry “baa.” Proteus But, dost thou hear? gavest thou my letter to Julia? Speed Ay sir: I, a lost mutton, gave your letter to her, a laced mutton, and she, a laced mutton, gave me, a lost mutton, nothing for my labour. Proteus Here’s too small a pasture for such store of muttons. Speed If the ground be overcharged, you were best stick her. Proteus Nay: in that you are astray, ’twere best pound you. Speed Nay, sir, less than a pound shall serve me for carrying your letter. Proteus You mistake; I mean the pound⁠—a pinfold. Speed

From a pound to a pin? fold it over and over,
’Tis threefold too little for carrying a letter to your lover.

Proteus But what said she? Speed First nodding. Ay. Proteus Nod⁠—Ay⁠—why, that’s noddy. Speed You mistook, sir; I say, she did nod: and you ask me if she did nod; and I say, “Ay.” Proteus And that set together is noddy. Speed Now you have taken the pains to set it together, take it for your pains. Proteus No, no; you shall have it for bearing the letter. Speed Well, I perceive I must be fain to bear with you. Proteus Why, sir, how do you bear with me? Speed Marry, sir, the letter, very orderly; having nothing but the word “noddy” for my pains. Proteus Beshrew me, but you have a quick wit. Speed And yet it cannot overtake your slow purse. Proteus Come, come, open the matter in brief: what said she? Speed Open your purse, that the money and the matter may be both at once delivered. Proteus Well, sir, here is for your pains. What said she? Speed Truly, sir, I think you’ll hardly win her. Proteus Why, couldst thou perceive so much from her? Speed Sir, I could perceive nothing at all from her; no, not so much as a ducat for delivering your letter: and being so hard to me that brought your mind, I fear she’ll prove as hard to you in telling your mind. Give her no token but stones; for she’s as hard as steel. Proteus What said she? nothing? Speed No, not so much as “Take this for thy pains.” To testify your bounty, I thank you, you have testerned me; in requital whereof, henceforth carry your letters yourself: and so, sir, I’ll commend you to my master. Proteus

Go, go, be gone, to save your ship from wreck,
Which cannot perish having thee aboard,
Being destined to a drier death on shore. Exit Speed.
I must go send some better messenger:
I fear my Julia would not deign my lines,
Receiving them from such a worthless post. Exit.

Scene II

The same. Garden of Julia’s house.

Enter Julia and Lucetta. Julia

But say, Lucetta, now we are alone,
Wouldst thou then counsel me to fall in love?

Lucetta Ay, madam, so you stumble not unheedfully. Julia

Of all the fair resort of gentlemen
That every day with parle encounter me,
In thy opinion which is worthiest love?

Lucetta

Please you repeat their names, I’ll show my mind
According to my shallow simple skill.

Julia What think’st thou of the fair Sir Eglamour? Lucetta

As of a knight well-spoken, neat and fine;
But, were I you, he never should be mine.

Julia What think’st thou of the rich Mercatio? Lucetta Well of his wealth; but of himself, so so. Julia What think’st thou of the gentle Proteus? Lucetta Lord, Lord! to see what folly reigns in us! Julia How now! what means this passion at his name? Lucetta

Pardon, dear madam: ’tis a passing shame
That I, unworthy body as I am,
Should censure thus on lovely gentlemen.

Julia Why not on Proteus, as of all the rest? Lucetta Then thus: of many good I think him best. Julia Your reason? Lucetta

I have no other, but a woman’s reason;
I think him so because I think him so.

Julia And wouldst thou have me cast my love on him? Lucetta Ay, if you thought your love not cast away. Julia Why he, of all the rest, hath never moved me. Lucetta Yet he, of all the rest, I think, best loves ye. Julia His little speaking shows his love but small. Lucetta Fire that’s closest kept burns most of all. Julia They do not love that do not show their love. Lucetta O, they love least that let men know their love. Julia I would I knew his mind. Lucetta Peruse this paper, madam. Julia “To Julia.” Say, from whom? Lucetta That the contents will show. Julia Say, say, who gave it thee? Lucetta

Sir Valentine’s page; and sent, I think, from Proteus.
He would have given it you; but I, being in the way,
Did in your name receive it: pardon the fault I pray.

Julia

Now, by my modesty, a goodly broker!
Dare you presume to harbour wanton lines?
To whisper and conspire against my youth?
Now, trust me, ’tis an office of great worth
And you an officer fit for the place.
Or else return no more into my sight.

Lucetta To plead for love deserves more fee than hate. Julia Will ye be gone? Lucetta That you may ruminate. Exit. Julia

And yet I would I had o’erlooked the letter:
It were a shame to call her back again
And pray her to a fault for which I chid her.
What a fool is she, that knows I am a maid,
And would not force the letter to my view!
Since maids, in modesty, say “no” to that
Which they would have the profferer construe “ay.”
Fie, fie, how wayward is this foolish love
That, like a testy babe, will scratch the nurse
And presently all humbled kiss the rod!
How churlishly I chid Lucetta hence,
When willingly I would have had her here!
How angerly I taught my brow to frown,
When inward joy enforced my heart to smile!
My penance is to call Lucetta back
And ask remission for my folly past.
What ho! Lucetta!

Re-enter Lucetta. Lucetta What would your ladyship? Julia Is’t near dinner-time? Lucetta

I would it were,
That you might kill your stomach on your meat
And not