Short Fiction, Mack Reynolds [best book reader txt] 📗

have you ever considered what you’re buying when they nick you twenty-five cents on your credit card for a bar of soap in an ultra-market?”

There was an edge of impatience in the older man’s voice. “I buy soap!”

“No, sir. That’s your mistake. What you buy is a telly show, in fact several of them, with all their expensive comedians, singers, musicians, dancers, news commentators, network vice presidents, and all the rest. Then you buy fancy packaging. You’ll note, by the way, that our product hasn’t even a piece of tissue paper wrapped around it. Fancy packaging designed by some of the most competent commercial artists and motivational research men in the country. Then you buy distribution. From the factory all the way to the retail ultra-market where your wife shops. And every time that bar of soap goes from one wholesaler or distributor to another, the price roughly doubles. You also buy a brain trust whose full time project is to keep you using their soap and not letting their competitors talk you into switching brands. The brain trust, of course, also works on luring away the competitor’s customers to their product. Shucks, Mr. Coty, practically none of that twenty-five cents you spend to buy a cake of soap goes for soap. So small a percentage that you might as well forget about it.”

Mr. Coty was obviously taken aback. “Well, how do I know this nameless soap you’re peddling is, well, any good?”

Warren Dickens sighed deeply, and in such wise that it was obvious that he had so sighed before. “Sir, there is no difference between soaps. Oh, they might use a slightly different perfume, or tint it a slightly different color, but for all practical purposes common hand soap, common bath soap, is soap, period. All the stuff the copywriters dream up about secret ingredients and health for your skin, and cosmetic qualities, and all the rest, is Madison Avenue gobbledygook and applies as well to one brand as another. As a matter of fact, often two different soap companies, supposedly keen competitors, and using widely different advertising, have their products manufactured in the same plant.”

Mr. Coty blinked at him. Shifted in his chair. Rubbed his chin as though checking his morning shave. “Well⁠ ⁠… well, then where do you get your soap?”

“The same place. We buy in fantastically large lots from one of the gigantic automated soap plants.”

Mr. Coty had him now. “Ah, ha! Then how come you sell it for three cents a cake, instead of twenty-five?”

“I’ve been telling you. Our soap doesn’t even have a name, not to mention an advertising budget. Far from spending fortunes redesigning our packaging every few months in attempts to lure new customers, we don’t package the stuff at all. It comes to you, in the simplest possible wrapping, through the mails. A new supply every month. Three cents a cake. No middlemen, no wholesalers, distributors. No nothing except soap at three cents a cake.”

Mr. Coty leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be darned.” He thought it over. “Listen, do you sell anything besides soap?”

“Not right now, sir. But soap flakes are coming up next week and I think we’ll be going into bread in a month or two.”

“Bread?”

“Yes, sir, bread. Although we’ll have to distribute that by truck, and have to have almost hundred percent coverage in a given section before it’s practical. A nickel a loaf.”

“Five cents a loaf! You can’t make bread for that much.”

“Oh, yes we can. We can’t advertise it, package it, and pay a host of in-betweens, is all. From the bakery to you, period.”

Mr. Coty seemed fascinated. He said, “See here, what’s the address of your office?”

Warren Dickens shook his head. “Sorry, sir. That’s all part of it. We have no swanky offices with big, expensive staffs. We operate on the smallest of shoestrings. No brain trust. No complaint department. No public relations. No literature on how to beautify yourself. No nothing, except good soap at three cents a cake, plus postage. Now, if you’ll sign this contract, we’ll put you on our mailing list. Ten bars of soap a month, Mrs. Coty said. I brought this first supply so you could test it and see that the whole thing is bona fide.”

Mr. Coty had to test it, but then he had to admit he couldn’t tell any difference between the nameless soap and the product to which he was used. Eventually, he signed, made the first payment, shook hands with young Dickens and saw him to the door. He said, in parting, “I still wonder why you do this, rather than dragging down unemployment insurance like most young men fresh out of school.”

Warren Dickens screwed up his face. This was a question that wasn’t routine. “Well, I make approximately the same, if I stick to it and get enough contracts. And, shucks they’re not hard to get. And, well, I’m working, not just bumming on the rest of the country. I’m doing something, something useful.”

Coty pursed his lips and shrugged. “It’s been a long time since anybody cared about that.” He looked after the young man as he walked down the walk.

Then he turned and headed for the phone, and ten years seemed to drop away from him. He lit the screen with a flick, dialed and said crisply, “That’s him, Jerry. Going down the walk now. Don’t let him out of your sight.”

Jerry’s face was in the screen but he was obviously peering down, from the helio-jet, locating the subject. “OK, Tracy, I make him. See you later.” His face faded.

The man who had called himself Mr. Coty, dialed again, not bothering to light the screen. “All right,” he said. “Thank Mrs. Coty and let her come home now.”

Frank Tracy worked his way down an aisle of automated phono-typers and other office equipment. The handful of operators, their faces bored, periodically strolled up and down, needlessly checking that which seldom needed checking.

He entered the receptionist’s office, flicked a hand at LaVerne Sandell, one of the few employees it seemed impossible to automate out