In Her Eyes, Sarah Alderson [korean novels in english txt] 📗

and head down a series of long corridors that lead, I think, in the direction of the lobby, though the hospital is vast, like some dystopian nightmare, all concrete and glass, built in the ’70s, and I could be going in entirely the wrong direction.

I glance over my shoulder as I walk, and when I hear footsteps behind me, echoing through the empty rooms, I up my pace to a jog, even though the pain in my head becomes an ululating throb and makes me feel nauseous and dizzy. The footsteps behind me speed up too and I’m almost sprinting by the time I burst through another door and finally stumble into the lobby.

Sweating, and still glancing over my shoulder, I hurry towards the closest bank of elevators. Am I imagining things? Am I just being paranoid? I punch the call button and wait for the elevator to arrive, bouncing on the balls of my feet and glancing back towards the door.

A man wearing dark jeans and a black sweater enters via the double doors I just came through and I watch him scour the lobby, looking for something or someone. I jab the button again, earning a sideways glance from a group of nurses waiting alongside me.

The elevator doors take an eternity to open but as soon as I can I dart inside. The man breaks into a jog. I stab at the button to close the door and then hide behind the nurses who have piled in after me, thankful for the barrier they’re providing. The doors start to close – slowly, so slowly – and I’m holding my breath, panic starting to scratch at my throat, when the man appears suddenly in the gap between the closing doors. His eyes dart over the nurses and fall on me, cowering in the back. One of the nurses reaches to open the doors for him.

No, I almost yell at her but I’m too paralyzed to speak.

But it doesn’t matter because the man smiles and takes a step backwards. ‘No worries,’ he says, holding up his hands and smiling. ‘I can wait.’

His eyes hold mine as he says it and they stay locked on me right until the moment the doors finally slide shut.

I’m still shaking, my heart racing as if I’m being chased by a machete-wielding maniac, when I make it to the sixth floor and the dimmed lights and hushed atmosphere of the ICU. I walk as fast as I can manage the whole way down the corridor towards the pediatric unit, looking over my shoulder so often I almost run straight into the police guard posted outside June’s door.

I think about saying something to him, mentioning the man I saw down in the lobby, but when I start to phrase it in my head it sounds absurd. A man wanted to get in the elevator. He looked at me strangely. He didn’t get in when he had the chance. Yes, I sound like a lunatic.

He was the same height and build as one of the men who attacked us – but so are a good percentage of the population. And besides, why would either of those men come back? I didn’t see their faces. I’m no threat to them.

But what if June did? an insistent voice in my head pipes up. What if they think she saw something? What if she could identify them? I hadn’t considered that before now but maybe that’s why Nate has arranged for the police protection. Maybe that’s what he’s worried about. He just didn’t want to tell me in case he scared me.

‘Mrs Walker?’

I jump but it’s just Dr Warier coming out of June’s room.

‘Ava, please, call me Ava,’ I say, smiling in relief at seeing a friendly face.

‘How are you feeling now?’ he asks. ‘How’s the head?’

‘Fine,’ I say, looking past him anxiously. ‘June? Is she OK?’

‘No change, I’m afraid,’ he answers. ‘I just came to check in on her.’

‘It’s not good, is it?’ I blurt.

He pauses before answering. Never a good sign. ‘Her blood pressure has stabilized so that’s one good thing . . .’

‘But?’ I say, because it’s clear from his tone that he’s holding something back.

He pauses again, takes a deep breath and then exhales with a sigh. ‘Her brain isn’t responding to stimuli. And . . . well . . . She isn’t able to breathe on her own. She’s being kept alive by machines.’

‘Just be straight with me,’ I cut in. ‘I’m tired of all the crap. I want the truth. Is she going to be OK?’

The doctor studies me, weighing his answer. ‘Unless a miracle occurs . . .’ he finally says.

I suck in a breath, reeling backwards, and he catches me by the elbow and steadies me. ‘Mrs Walker.’

His voice sounds distant and far away. I fall with a bump and realize I’ve collapsed into a chair that he’s steered me towards. He’s standing over me, his brow furrowed with worry. ‘I’m sorry,’ he says. ‘Are you OK?’

I shake my head. How can I be OK? How can I ever be OK again? Why won’t people stop asking me that question? It feels like a dozen bullets have been fired into my body at point-blank range.

‘I shouldn’t have said that,’ he says, frowning unhappily.

‘No,’ I whisper through the pain. ‘I’m glad you told me.’

He kneels down in front of me, his hand resting on my shoulder and for a while neither of us speaks. Finally, I look up at him. ‘Do you believe in miracles?’ I ask.

Chapter 17

Has she already had her one miracle? I wonder as I sit beside June half an hour later, stroking her fingertips. Did she use up all her luck beating cancer? I can’t believe she won that battle just to fall at another hurdle so soon after. How can that be allowed? How is that fair? Whatever the doctors say, I’m not giving up on her. I can’t. I have to believe in miracles.

‘Can you hear me?’ I say to June.

The machines answer. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Well, fuck them.

‘Fuck you,’