Pygmalion, George Bernard Shaw [e book reader free TXT] 📗

your hat, Liza, and come and see me turned off? Liza If the Colonel says I must, I⁠—I’ll Almost sobbing. I’ll demean myself. And get insulted for my pains, like enough. Doolittle Don’t be afraid: she never comes to words with anyone now, poor woman! respectability has broke all the spirit out of her. Pickering Squeezing Eliza’s elbow gently. Be kind to them, Eliza. Make the best of it. Liza Forcing a little smile for him through her vexation. Oh well, just to show there’s no ill feeling. I’ll be back in a moment. She goes out. Doolittle Sitting down beside Pickering. I feel uncommon nervous about the ceremony, Colonel. I wish you’d come and see me through it. Pickering But you’ve been through it before, man. You were married to Eliza’s mother. Doolittle Who told you that, Colonel? Pickering Well, nobody told me. But I concluded naturally⁠— Doolittle No: that ain’t the natural way, Colonel: it’s only the middle class way. My way was always the undeserving way. But don’t say nothing to Eliza. She don’t know: I always had a delicacy about telling her. Pickering Quite right. We’ll leave it so, if you don’t mind. Doolittle And you’ll come to the church, Colonel, and put me through straight? Pickering With pleasure. As far as a bachelor can. Mrs. Higgins May I come, Mr. Doolittle? I should be very sorry to miss your wedding. Doolittle I should indeed be honored by your condescension, ma’am; and my poor old woman would take it as a tremenjous compliment. She’s been very low, thinking of the happy days that are no more. Mrs. Higgins Rising. I’ll order the carriage and get ready. The men rise, except Higgins. I shan’t be more than fifteen minutes. As she goes to the door Eliza comes in, hatted and buttoning her gloves. I’m going to the church to see your father married, Eliza. You had better come in the brougham with me. Colonel Pickering can go on with the bridegroom. Mrs. Higgins goes out. Eliza comes to the middle of the room between the centre window and the ottoman. Pickering joins her. Doolittle Bridegroom! What a word! It makes a man realize his position, somehow. He takes up his hat and goes towards the door. Pickering Before I go, Eliza, do forgive him and come back to us. Liza I don’t think papa would allow me. Would you, dad? Doolittle Sad but magnanimous. They played you off very cunning, Eliza, them two sportsmen. If it had been only one of them, you could have nailed him. But you see, there was two; and one of them chaperoned the other, as you might say. To Pickering. It was artful of you, Colonel; but I bear no malice: I should have done the same myself. I been the victim of one woman after another all my life; and I don’t grudge you two getting the better of Eliza. I shan’t interfere. It’s time for us to go, Colonel. So long, Henry. See you in St. George’s, Eliza. He goes out. Pickering Coaxing. Do stay with us, Eliza. He follows Doolittle. Eliza goes out on the balcony to avoid being alone with Higgins. He rises and joins her there. She immediately comes back into the room and makes for the door; but he goes along the balcony quickly and gets his back to the door before she reaches it. Higgins Well, Eliza, you’ve had a bit of your own back, as you call it. Have you had enough? and are you going to be reasonable? Or do you want any more? Liza You want me back only to pick up your slippers and put up with your tempers and fetch and carry for you. Higgins I haven’t said I wanted you back at all. Liza Oh, indeed. Then what are we talking about? Higgins About you, not about me. If you come back I shall treat you just as I have always treated you. I can’t change my nature; and I don’t intend to change my manners. My manners are exactly the same as Colonel Pickering’s. Liza That’s not true. He treats a flower girl as if she was a duchess. Higgins And I treat a duchess as if she was a flower girl. Liza I see. She turns away composedly, and sits on the ottoman, facing the window. The same to everybody. Higgins Just so. Liza Like father. Higgins Grinning, a little taken down. Without accepting the comparison at all points, Eliza, it’s quite true that your father is not a snob, and that he will be quite at home in any station of life to which his eccentric destiny may call him. Seriously. The great secret, Eliza, is not having bad manners or good manners or any other particular sort of manners, but having the same manner for all human souls: in short, behaving as if you were in Heaven, where there are no third-class carriages, and one soul is as good as another. Liza Amen. You are a born preacher. Higgins Irritated. The question is not whether I treat you rudely, but whether you ever heard me treat anyone else better. Liza With sudden sincerity. I don’t care how you treat me. I don’t mind your swearing at me. I don’t mind a black eye: I’ve had one before this. But standing up and facing him I won’t be passed over. Higgins Then get out of my way; for I won’t stop for you. You talk about me as if I were a motor bus. Liza So you are a motor bus: all bounce and go, and no consideration for anyone. But I can do without you: don’t think I can’t. Higgins I know you can. I told you you could. Liza Wounded, getting away from him to the other side of the ottoman with her face to the hearth. I know you did, you brute. You wanted to get rid of me. Higgins Liar. Liza Thank you. She sits down with dignity. Higgins You never asked yourself, I