Whose Body?, Dorothy L. Sayers [good summer reads .txt] 📗

who said that with the influenza about again an unventilated room was a deathtrap; that anybody who chose to object to open windows had the obvious remedy of leaving the court, and further, that if any disturbance was made he would clear the court. He then took a Formamint lozenge, and proceeded, after the usual preliminaries, to call up fourteen good and lawful persons and swear them diligently to inquire and a true presentment make of all matters touching the death of the gentleman with the pince-nez and to give a true verdict according to the evidence, so help them God. When an expostulation by a woman juror⁠—an elderly lady in spectacles who kept a sweet-shop, and appeared to wish she was back there⁠—had been summarily quashed by the Coroner, the jury departed to view the body. Mr. Parker gazed round again and identified the unhappy Mr. Thipps and the girl Gladys led into an adjoining room under the grim guard of the police. They were soon followed by a gaunt old lady in a bonnet and mantle. With her, in a wonderful fur coat and a motor bonnet of fascinating construction, came the Dowager Duchess of Denver, her quick, dark eyes darting hither and thither about the crowd. The next moment they had lighted on Mr. Parker, who had several times visited the Dower House, and she nodded to him, and spoke to a policeman. Before long, a way opened magically through the press, and Mr. Parker found himself accommodated with a front seat just behind the Duchess, who greeted him charmingly, and said: “What’s happened to poor Peter?” Parker began to explain, and the Coroner glanced irritably in their direction. Somebody went up and whispered in his ear, at which he coughed, and took another Formamint.

“We came up by car,” said the Duchess⁠—“so tiresome⁠—such bad roads between Denver and Gunbury St. Walters⁠—and there were people coming to lunch⁠—I had to put them off⁠—I couldn’t let the old lady go alone, could I? By the way, such an odd thing’s happened about the Church Restoration Fund⁠—the Vicar⁠—oh, dear, here are these people coming back again; well, I’ll tell you afterwards⁠—do look at that woman looking shocked, and the girl in tweeds trying to look as if she sat on undraped gentlemen every day of her life⁠—I don’t mean that⁠—corpses of course⁠—but one finds oneself being so Elizabethan nowadays⁠—what an awful little man the coroner is, isn’t he? He’s looking daggers at me⁠—do you think he’ll dare to clear me out of the court or commit me for what-you-may-call-it?”

The first part of the evidence was not of great interest to Mr. Parker. The wretched Mr. Thipps, who had caught cold in gaol, deposed in an unhappy croak to having discovered the body when he went in to take his bath at eight o’clock. He had had such a shock, he had to sit down and send the girl for brandy. He had never seen the deceased before. He had no idea how he came there.

Yes, he had been in Manchester the day before. He had arrived at St. Pancras at ten o’clock. He had cloak-roomed his bag. At this point Mr. Thipps became very red, unhappy and confused, and glanced nervously about the court.

“Now, Mr. Thipps,” said the Coroner, briskly, “we must have your movements quite clear. You must appreciate the importance of the matter. You have chosen to give evidence, which you need not have done, but having done so, you will find it best to be perfectly explicit.”

“Yes,” said Mr. Thipps faintly.

“Have you cautioned this witness, officer?” inquired the Coroner, turning sharply to Inspector Sugg.

The Inspector replied that he had told Mr. Thipps that anything he said might be used agin’ him at his trial. Mr. Thipps became ashy, and said in a bleating voice that he ’adn’t⁠—hadn’t meant to do anything that wasn’t right.

This remark produced a mild sensation, and the Coroner became even more acidulated in manner than before.

“Is anybody representing Mr. Thipps?” he asked, irritably. “No? Did you not explain to him that he could⁠—that he ought to be represented? You did not? Really, Inspector! Did you not know, Mr. Thipps, that you had a right to be legally represented?”

Mr. Thipps clung to a chair-back for support, and said, “No,” in a voice barely audible.

“It is incredible,” said the Coroner, “that so-called educated people should be so ignorant of the legal procedure of their own country. This places us in a very awkward position. I doubt, Inspector, whether I should permit the prisoner⁠—Mr. Thipps⁠—to give evidence at all. It is a delicate position.”

The perspiration stood on Mr. Thipps’s forehead.

“Save us from our friends,” whispered the Duchess to Parker. “If that cough-drop-devouring creature had openly instructed those fourteen people⁠—and what unfinished-looking faces they have⁠—so characteristic, I always think, of the lower middle-class, rather like sheep, or calves’ head (boiled, I mean), to bring in wilful murder against the poor little man, he couldn’t have made himself plainer.”

“He can’t let him incriminate himself, you know,” said Parker.

“Stuff!” said the Duchess. “How could the man incriminate himself when he never did anything in his life? You men never think of anything but your red tape.”

Meanwhile Mr. Thipps, wiping his brow with a handkerchief, had summoned up courage. He stood up with a kind of weak dignity, like a small white rabbit brought to bay.

“I would rather tell you,” he said, “though it’s reelly very unpleasant for a man in my position. But I reelly couldn’t have it thought for a moment that I’d committed this dreadful crime. I assure you, gentlemen, I couldn’t bear that. No. I’d rather tell you the truth, though I’m afraid it places me in rather a⁠—well, I’ll tell you.”

“You fully understand the gravity of making such a statement, Mr. Thipps,” said the Coroner.

“Quite,” said Mr. Thipps. “It’s all right⁠—I⁠—might I have a drink of water?”

“Take your time,” said the Coroner, at the same time robbing his remark of all conviction by an impatient glance at his watch.

“Thank you, sir,” said Mr. Thipps. “Well, then, it’s true I got to St. Pancras at ten. But there was