The Big Time, Fritz Leiber [book recommendations website TXT] 📗

great young poet she’d never met, the voice of the new youth and all youth, and she’d told her first big lie to get in the Red Cross and across to France to be nearer him, and it was all danger and dark magics and a knight in armor, and she pictured how she’d find him wounded but not seriously, with a little bandage around his head, and she’d light a fag for him and smile lightly, never letting him guess what she felt, but only being her best self and watching to see if that made something happen to him.⁠ ⁠…

“And then the Boche machine guns cut him down at Passchendaele and there couldn’t ever have been bandages big enough and the girl stayed seventeen inside and messed about and tried to be wicked, though she wasn’t very good at that, and to drink, and she had a bit more talent there, though drinking yourself to death is not nearly as easy as it sounds, even with a kidney weakness to help. But she turned the trick.

“Then a cock crows. She wakes with a tearing start from the gray dreams of death that fill her lifeline. It’s cold daybreak. There’s the smell of a French farm. She feels her ankles and they’re not at all like huge rubber boots filled with water. They’re not swollen the least bit. They’re young legs.

“There’s a little window and the tops of a row of trees that may be poplars when there’s more light, and what there is shows cots like her own and heads under blankets, and hanging uniforms make large shadows and a girl is snoring. There’s a very distant rumble and it moves the window a bit. Then she remembers they’re Red Cross girls many, many kilometers from Passchendaele and that Bruce Marchant is going to die at dawn today.

“In a few more minutes, he’s going over the top where there’s a crop-headed machine-gunner in field gray already looking down the sights and swinging the gun a bit. But she isn’t going to die today. She’s going to die in 1929 and 1955.

“And just as she’s going mad, there’s a creaking and out of the shadows tiptoes a Jap with a woman’s hairdo and the whitest face and the blackest eyebrows. He’s wearing a rose robe and a black sash which belts to his sides two samurai swords, but in his right hand he has a strange silver pistol. And he smiles at her as if they were brother and sister and lovers at the same time and he says, ‘Voulez-vous vivre, mademoiselle?’ and she stares and he bobs his head and says, ‘Missy wish live, yes, no?’ ”

Sid’s paw closed quietly around my shaking hands. It always gets me to hear about anyone’s Resurrection, and although mine was crazier, it also had the Krauts in it. I hoped she wouldn’t go through the rest of the formula and she didn’t.

“Five minutes later, he’s gone down a stairs more like a ladder to wait below and she’s dressing in a rush. Her clothes resist a little, as if they were lightly gummed to the hook and the stained wall, and she hates to touch them. It’s getting lighter and her cot looks as if someone were still sleeping there, although it’s empty, and she couldn’t bring herself to put her hand on the place if her new life depended on it.

“She climbs down and her long skirt doesn’t bother her because she knows how to swing it. Suzaku conducts her past a sentry who doesn’t see them and a puffy-faced farmer in a smock coughing and spitting the night out of his throat. They cross the farmyard and it’s filled with rose light and she sees the sun is up and she knows that Bruce Marchant has just bled to death.

“There’s an empty open touring car chugging loudly, waiting for someone; it has huge muddy wheels with wooden spokes and a brass radiator that says ‘Simplex.’ But Suzaku leads her past it to a dunghill and bows apologetically and she steps through a Door.”

I heard Erich say to the others at the bar, “How touching! Now shall I tell everyone about my operation?” But he didn’t get much of a laugh.

“That’s how Lilian Foster came into the Change World with its steel-engraved nightmares and its deadly pace and deadlier lassitudes. I was more alive than I ever had been before, but it was the kind of life a corpse might get from unending electrical shocks and I couldn’t summon any purpose or hope and Bruce Marchant seemed farther away than ever.

“Then, not six hours ago, a Soldier in a black uniform came through the Door and I thought, ‘It can’t be, but it does look like his photographs,’ and then I thought I heard someone say the name Bruce, and then he shouted as if to all the world that he was Bruce Marchant, and I knew there was a Resurrection beyond Resurrection, a true resurrection. Oh, Bruce⁠—”

She looked at him and he was crying and smiling and all the young beauty flooded back into her face, and I thought, “It has to be Change Winds, but it can’t be. Face it without slobbering, Greta⁠—there’s something that works bigger miracles than Change.”

And she went on, “And then the Change Winds died when the Snakes vaporized the Maintainer or the Ghostgirls Introverted it and all three of them vanished so swiftly and silently that even Bruce didn’t notice⁠—those are the best explanations I can summon and I fancy one of them is true. At all events, the Change Winds died and my past and even my futures became something I could bear lightly, because I have someone to bear them with me, and because at last I have a true future stretching out ahead of me, an unknown future which I shall create by living. Oh, don’t you see that all of us have it now, this big opportunity?”

“Hussa for Sidney’s