The Sick Wife, Lost Loretta [top 10 motivational books .TXT] 📗

wife left, but it was a bit strange. I just like getting to know someone first. And I feel really safe with you, Milla—I know everything I need to know about you. We already have so much trust built up from working together, saving lives together. I am not worried about our physical chemistry. Are you?”

“Not really,” I tell him honestly. “If those relaxing cuddles are any indication, I’m sure we’ll be fine. I guess it could be nice to save something special for after marriage—if that’s what you want to do. No one really does that anymore.”

“Then let’s kick it old school and wait,” Mike says with a wink. “Buy the car without looking under the hood. Take a leap of faith. Maybe it will build anticipation and excitement, make everything hotter and more intense later on.”

“Maybe,” I say with a smile. But I have to admit to myself that I feel relieved. For some reason, I don’t really feel ready to have sex with Mike. And the idea of having children with him seems strange too. It’s probably just that I haven’t gotten over Gabriel.

But I have to get over him, because he’s gone.

And my father’s gone. My mother’s been gone for a really long time. I’m all alone in the world.

I don’t have the luxury of turning away someone who wants to be beside me. No one else really cares what happens to me, if I’m sad or happy, healthy or sick. And I don’t have the energy to try to find anyone else and build something from scratch all over again.

I have a bit of money now, and the luxury to relax for a bit, but the time alone and silence was already difficult to bear. If I stay alone like that for too long, I’m sure the depression will come back. Mike is a welcome distraction to fill some of the empty spaces. He soothes some of the pain. And he understands some of my pain—maybe we are a good fit.

It means a lot to have someone make me a cup of coffee every day. That simple kindness brings a lot of warmth to my world.

Chapter 23

“But do you love him?” Veronica demands over the phone.

I am curled up on the couch with a blanket over me, listening to her on speakerphone. She called to check if I was losing my mind when she got her e-vite to my wedding. “I don’t know about love, Ronnie. But it’s better than having nothing at all.”

“You need to think about this, girl. You’re making a huge decision while your heart is broken and you’re on the rebound. You’re not thinking clearly.”

“Maybe. But maybe everything that happened with Gabriel was an eye opener… that I need to do something with my life. You already have a daughter to love—I have no kids, no family. I need something to keep me going. A reason to get out of bed in the morning.”

“Milla, I have a daughter that I had with the wrong man. Don’t repeat my mistakes,” Veronica warns.

“But he was someone you thought you were madly in love with, and it all fell apart. I thought I was madly in love with Gabe, and that he felt the same way… and now it’s all crumbled into dust. So what use is love, anyway? Maybe it’s better that I think with my head instead of my heart, do something logical. Don’t you think Mike is a good choice?”

“I mean, sure. On paper, he seems great. We all get along well, professionally. But I just don’t know, Milla… You were so happy with Gabe, and I loved seeing you like that.”

“So, what do you want me to do?” I ask her. “Sit around here forever and wait for Gabe alone, while he has a marriage and a baby, in-laws, brothers and sisters, a whole big life—and he completely forgets that I exist, and can’t even bother to call me on the phone for five minutes a day anymore? You want me to just waste my years away because I thought we loved each other once?” Tears spring to my eyes.

“No, of course not, Milla. I’m so sorry. This is your life and I want the best for you. If you’re happy, then I’m happy.”

“I’m not happy, but I’m trying my best to get there. I just don’t want to get depressed again, and be stuck in bed for days…”

“Is it wise to get married to someone just to fix your depression?”

“I don’t know. But if the cause of my depression is that I don’t have a family—maybe this fixes that.”

“Okay, Milla. Then I’m on board.”

“Good. Because I was hoping you would be my maid of honor and help me find a dress.”

“Of course.”

“Nothing fancy. I don’t want to make a big deal about it… just want to get this over with.”

“Does this look good for an Instagram post?” I ask Veronica as we sit in the dress shop. I show her some happy couple-y engagement photos that Mike and I took together.

“Yes—why? Are you trying to make someone jealous?” she asks.

“Of course. I said I wasn’t going to sit around and wait forever, but I never said I wouldn’t fight back a little. Love is war, right? Maybe Gabe will see this and have some kind of reaction…”

“Girl,” she says softly. “You need to let go and stop hoping he’ll come back to you.”

“I know. I know. I mean, look at where we are, Ronnie!” I gesture around at all the white dresses. “I’m trying really hard to let go and move on.”

She looks at me suspiciously. “I don’t think you are if you’re more concerned about posting photos for Gabriel to see than actually having a nice wedding and starting a good relationship with Mike.”

“Why can’t it be both at the same time?” I say grumpily. “Remind me to take some dress-shopping selfies while we’re here.”

The sales lady comes back, holding up two simple, lacy