Down World, Rebecca Phelps [book recommendations based on other books .TXT] 📗

The man looked back at me and I offered a weak smile, trying to be convincing though my stomach was still in knots and my mouth seemed wired shut.

But the man seemed to believe us, because he sold us the tickets. Brady picked up my suitcase and carried it to the platform. He had only a large backpack on, and I suddenly felt ridiculous for having packed so much. I tried to look up the weather in Portland before leaving, but the report said to expect everything from driving rain to bright sun, and I couldn’t figure out how to pack for that.

Standing on that familiar platform, I realized there was only one thing I hadn’t done at this train station, and that was actually wait for a train. My eyes couldn’t help but wander down the tracks, to the place where my father’s work train used to pull in. Farther down the track, deeply set against the horizon, was the place where Kieren had made me the lucky penny, which, as always, I carried now in my pocket. Somewhere in between was where Robbie had disappeared.

Brady had his headphones in, and his eyes down, and looked like every other teenager in the world—a blurred face under a hoodie. And even though he was standing right next to me, I felt completely alone. The heat had only grown worse since early morning, and I felt an uncomfortable stickiness under my arms and inside my shoes.

That’s when Kieren appeared, walking up with his eyes averted as though trying to make sure no one was watching him.

Brady didn’t notice at first, lost as he was in his own thoughts.

“Hey,” Kieren said to me.

“Hi. What are you doing here?”

“Just came to make sure you got off okay.” He nodded to Brady, who took out his earphones.

“Hey, man,” Brady said.

“Do you mind if I talk to her for a sec?” Kieren asked Brady. I couldn’t help but feel like property being passed between the two of them.

“It’s up to her,” Brady replied, echoing my thoughts.

Kieren looked at me for a response, and my eyes flickered to Brady and the still-empty train tracks for a moment.

“If you’ve come to talk me out of it . . . ,” I began.

“No, no, nothing like that,” Kieren insisted. “Please.”

We stepped away from Brady a bit, and sat on the bench by the station where we had probably sat together dozens of times before. But now there was the wall between us.

“I wanted to give you something,” he said, reaching into his pocket.

“Another lucky penny?” I asked, sounding crueler than I had intended.

Kieren laughed. “Not this time.”

He brought out a little bag of M&M’s and handed it to me, and I couldn’t help but laugh, remembering all the times he had given me the same gift before.

“You steal them from the vending machine?”

He smiled. “I paid for them.”

I opened up the bag and popped a little candy into my mouth, feeling the sweet, familiar zing of sugar melting onto my tongue. I offered him one, but he shook his head.

“They’re for you,” he insisted. “I wanted to thank you, M. For going.”

“I’m not doing it for you.”

“I know that. And I understand why you didn’t want me to go with you.”

“It made more sense for Brady to do it. He’s eighteen. He can buy the tickets and stuff. And like he said, he was going anyway.”

Kieren nodded, and his eyes seemed to search mine for a trace of emotion when I talked about Brady.

I was feeling a million emotions in that moment, but they were all about Kieren. Memories of the past, thoughts of the present. Ideas about what our friendship had meant, and what kind of a future we could ever hope to have. If Robbie came back, could we put it all behind us? If Robbie was here, could we be friends again? Could we be more? And what if Robbie never came back?

It was as if Kieren could read my mind. He took my hand, and I let him. We both sat, staring at our hands, our fingers intertwining.

“If there’s a way to get him out,” Kieren began, “you call and you tell me. And if it means . . .”

“Kieren?”

“If somebody has to take his place . . . if that’s what they say it takes, to balance the energy again, then I’ll do it. I want you to know that.”

“That won’t happen.”

“But if it does,” he said. “And somebody else needs to go in . . .”

“Stop it,” I said, no longer able to even entertain the idea of it. This is what I had been afraid of. I knew Kieren was feeling desperate, and I knew what kinds of crazy thoughts were in his mind. “I’m not going to let you do that.”

“But then you’ll have him back,” he said, looking right into my eyes with such complete sincerity that it was scaring me to my bones. “And then . . . and then you can forgive me.”

I held his gaze for another moment, but then I had to look away. It was too much. That’s what Kieren had wanted all this time. That was why he had been obsessed with DW, with getting Robbie out. All this was to get me to forgive him, something I had tried to do so many times, but always failed.

The train pulled into the station with such force that it made wind swoosh down the platform, blowing my hair into my eyes. It was the first relief I had felt all day from the oppressive heat, and I wished I could sit there and feel it on the back of my neck for a while longer. But the train stopped and the doors opened.

Brady walked up and nodded that it was time to go.

“I’m coming,” I assured him. Brady carried my suitcase. I turned back to Kieren, who stood up, still holding my hand.

“Will you text me when you