Lady Adalyn (The Saga Of Wolfbridge Manor Book 1), Sahara Kelly [the best e book reader .TXT] 📗

he invoked and it was almost impossible to stop, but Trick drew back and we realised the necessity of returning to our normal selves.

I have devoted much time dwelling on these matters, dear Diary. There are so many contradictions in my head that sometimes I feel like screaming.

I have spent my whole life trying to live up to my parents’ expectations. I must be a good girl, an obedient girl, never making a fuss, or - God forbid - a scandal. I must not mention gentlemen, nor appear to be forward in any way. And eventually they would choose the right man as my husband and I would obey his every command without question.

And yet here I am, more of a widow than I ever was a bride. I live with five gentlemen, four of whom are the most sensually arousing creatures on the face of the planet. All of them cherish me and I am coming to develop deep affections for each. How contrary is my life now to what my parents had imagined.

And how exciting!

I hired a maid as well, during this turbulent time. Mrs. Barnsley (whom I shall now call Mrs. B, since it seems more friendly) - introduced me to her daughter Jane. Terribly scarred from a frightening encounter at her last position, she will make me an excellent maid, I believe. Her experience as an up-and-coming lady’s maid may well be my salvation in some areas, and I look forward to welcoming her to Wolfbridge.

So I must finish up this entry with one more intriguing tidbit.

Daniel.

He met me as I returned from Mrs. B’s, full of excitement about my newly hired maid. He was happy for me and instead of taking the lane back to Wolfbridge we crossed into the forest and found a path Daniel uses frequently. Once within the trees, we paused - it was quite beautifully silent, but for birdsongs and the sound of the wind brushing against the bare boughs above us. I made a comment about how lovely it was, and he agreed, but the look in his eyes told me it wasn’t our surroundings that he praised.

Another kiss, another explosion of sensation - Daniel took me in his arms so passionately, dear Diary. I am surrounded, it would seem, by gentlemen who seek to engage my affections. To touch me, caress me, to hold me against their bodies and kiss my lips with varying degrees of boldness and warmth.

I cannot compare such kisses, for each is unique, each flavoured by the man himself, each displaying different characteristics. But all of them having the same effect on me.

I am learning of desire, of physical need. I discover a yearning inside me to continue such disgraceful behaviour; to carry it to the next stage where I might find other parts of my body caressed with equal passion and intensity. How terrible a woman I must be to long for such things. How shocking these words are…I can hardly believe I am writing them.

And yet I feel the truth must be told. I am fast developing a deep and abiding affection for my gentlemen. An affection that is going past friendship and into an area where I am unfamiliar with the terrain. Yet I want to walk there, to run there, and find out what lies beneath all the exciting emotions that are now aroused within me.

I am not a virgin. My late husband introduced me to the matter of intimacy between a man and a woman. He did so with crudity, pain and a complete lack of interest about my person. So I am aware of the mechanics involved in such things. I am aware that a man will grow hard when aroused and that the result will be used to penetrate a woman in such a way as to plant his child within her. I use blunt words to describe the act which, up until now, has been - for me - a painful and unpleasant experience.

But I find matters changing, growing, becoming less terrible to my mind and more interesting to my body. If my gentlemen can arouse me with a kiss, a touch, a caress…what would I feel should matters progress?

All I need to do is to wait, see what develops, and be ready should the occasion arise. To my eternal astonishment, I find I am beginning to crave the chance, the wondrous moment, when I can finally know what it is like to he claimed by someone who really cares about me.

Perhaps I might learn at last what it is like to be loved…

Or do I ask too much?

Chapter Ten

Friday dawned to grey skies and the threat of rain—a perfect setting for Adalyn’s pretend accident.

Since all parties knew of the plan, nobody was surprised to see her come downstairs in her warm dress and shawl, as they would be needed on her “walk”.

“Is everything prepared?”

“Yes indeed, my Lady,” answered Giles. “I’m still not convinced it’s the right thing, but we’ve all agreed to support you, so we must forge ahead.”

She smiled. “We will all be guilty of prevarication, but it’s in a good cause, Giles. I’d do anything to protect Wolfbridge. You know that.”

“I do.” He inclined his head. “I would feel more confident if I knew this would not result in broken bones, however.”

“I trust Jeremy. And Trick.” She glanced down at her boots. “I shall miss these, though. Very comfortable.”

“The cobbler is already working on a replacement for them, my Lady. We can’t have you restricted to the house simply for the lack of a pair of boots.” He smiled then, reassuring her, reminding her that he would always anticipate her needs.

“I’ll probably be wanting a cup of tea when this is done,” she sighed.

“It will be here. As will a light repast.”

“Are we set then?” Jeremy appeared from the rear corridor, cloak and hat in hand.

“We are,” answered Adalyn. “As ready as we’ll ever be.”

“How are your dramatic skills,