Jase, Fields, J. [story reading TXT] 📗

“No Jase, I do love her. How could you not, she’s…”

“I know what she is, I know exactly what she is, Carly,” he was agitated.

“You are mad at me?” I wiped my face.

“I have no fucking clue…”

“Jase you have six little girls…”

“I don’t need fucking parenting advice from you,” he hissed at me.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I had two parents Carly, who loved me. They loved each other, and would never have chosen another over their family. I’m very capable…” Jase looked at the screen and stopped talking.

“As I said before, I don’t feel well, goodnight Jase,” I hung up the phone and cried.

My phone chimed

-Baby I’m sorry, going to sleep, falling apart…J

I did not have it in me to text back, so I didn’t. Instead I fell asleep…already shattered.

My phone woke me at five in the morning, it was a face-time request. I knew it was Little Bell.

“Good morning,” I croaked wiping my sleepy eyes.

“Do you feel better?”

“Not yet, it’ll probably be a few days,” I did my best to smile.

“Okay-- Daddy doesn’t know I’m calling, but we all wanted to say thank you,” she held the phone out so I could see everyone. They were all wearing their pajamas and had their sleep masks on their head, one little girl had hers on, it made me laugh. “Okay one, two, three,” they all screamed when Jase opened the door to what must have been the pantry.

“Holy fu…Cow,” he jumped and held his hand to his chest, they all laughed and so did I. “What the—what are you all doing in here?” he started laughing.

“Nothing,” Bella must have hidden the phone behind her back because it went dark but I could still hear them talking.

“Truth? One of you is going to give me the TRUTH,” I heard them all scream and then the phone dropped on the floor.

Jase and Bella were laughing when he noticed the phone, “Bella, did you,” he picked up the phone and saw me, I smiled and waved.

“Good morning Baby, Bella do you know it’s five o’clock in the morning where Carly is,” he scolded her.

“No, you should have told me that Daddy, maybe I wouldn’t have called if you didn’t say because I said so,” she was mocking him and it made me laugh bringing his attention back to the phone. “Alright you-- to the table, breakfast is on it, go. Hey Carly,” I gave him the biggest smile I could and let me tell you I am sure it wasn’t warm and fuzzy, “About Pam…”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I rolled my eyes when I felt them burning. “This is so stupid.”

“Pam was Charlee’s best friend, she’s been in Bella’s life since her birth, she was there when Charlee died. I won’t take her away from Bella,” Jase waited for me to respond when I didn’t he continued, “Their mothers are best friends, Carly. I was going to talk with you about this in Denver.”

“And then what Jase?” I wiped the tears from my face, “Forget it, go be a good Daddy, I’m going back to sleep.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing rude Jase, it’s her birthday,” I needed to get the hell off the phone, I was confused and angry, that I was confused and angry.

“Just remember you told her you loved her, don’t fuck her up Carly,” Jase ended the call.

How do you rebound from something like that? Freak out and say she said it first? She was six, of course she did, but what was I supposed to do, not say it back? That would be rude and would hurt her feelings. Was I supposed to be mad at Jase for defending her? No way in hell would I ever be upset about that. What the hell did I just do?

I sat and cried, because now I’m that girl. Some stupid girl who feels like the world just stopped spinning

~

It was two days before I heard from Jase, what I got was a text.

-Bella is under the impression you are sick. You and I need to discuss a few things before Denver, if that is even something you’re still interested in. Let me know where your head is…Jase

- How is she?...C

-Fine, she’ll be fine…Jase

-Well, this is really awkward, texting you instead of talking. Is there a reason for it?…C

-Easier…Jase

-Where is your head Jase?…C

- If you can’t trust me, what is there Carly. You have school for another year and a half. I have a child, a job, a lot of responsibility…Jase

-How can I trust you if you don’t tell me things? You knew all of this before you saw me in Jersey, Jase. I’m sorry I’m confused, angry, tired, hurt, and scared that every time I turn around, something new pops up. Every time I think we can work, something happens and every time you know I’m upset, you push me so hard it literally knocks the wind out of me…C

-A bit theatrical don’t you think?...Jase

-I don’t know Jase, this is all new to me, remember? But you’re pushing buttons again and I don’t know how to respond. Sometimes I see everything so clearly with you and my heart tells me that you’re everything I never knew I wanted, and then there are times when I see you as a tormentor, and I remember how Pam acted last summer and I get it. I get SO angry at you. You need to understand that if that’s what you need, if that’s what you thrive on, that’s not who I was and not who I want to be…C

He didn’t reply. It was two days before I was supposed to meet him and he couldn’t even respond.

The entire next day I heard nothing from Jase Steel. I cried again. I had used all my stupid self-allotted time to heal from the pain of the second time I had lost him, so this time I cried for Bella.

10

I wasn’t sure I how many times exactly I