In Her Eyes, Sarah Alderson [korean novels in english txt] 📗

want to kiss him. I imagine what it would be like to sleep with him after all these years. Before I can stop myself, I’m thinking about him stripping me naked and fucking me. I’m imagining it in glorious detail. Oh God.

‘You still painting?’ he asks.

I shake my head, trying to banish the image. ‘Not really,’ I say.

‘What happened?’ he asks as the waiter sets a panna cotta in front of him. I remember how proud I was to get into the New School, how I told Nate I’d come home and visit him in the holidays. He was staying put in Ventura, helping in his dad’s construction company.

‘Life,’ I mumble, thinking of all the dreams I had at eighteen. Where did they go? Down the drain when I had Hannah, that’s where. I’ve got no one to blame but myself for that. ‘I probably would never have made it as an artist anyway,’ I say.

‘What are you talking about?’ Nate asks. ‘You were really good.’

I shrug, pleased at the compliment.

‘I think I still have a few of your paintings, you know. I kept them.’

I look up at him, astonished. ‘You did?’ I ask.

He nods, picking up his spoon. ‘Couldn’t bring myself to throw them away.’

I cringe once more. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say, shaking my head with a sigh.

It’s his turn to shrug. He gives me a wry smile.

‘I was a bitch,’ I say, thinking of how heartless I had been.

‘No,’ he says. ‘We were kids. I get it. You had a whole life ahead of you. Making new friends. Big city and all that. It’s all right,’ he laughs. ‘I’ll forgive you for breaking my heart.’

I look down, feeling awkward. Did I really break his heart?

Nate holds out a spoonful of panna cotta. ‘Tempt you?’ he says.

My stomach falls away. Are we crossing a line? It’s been so long and I’m so out of practice I’m not sure. I swallow hard and then I open my mouth very slightly and he eases the spoon between my lips. I taste the panna cotta, let it slide down my throat, and he takes the spoon back, smiling.

‘Seriously though, you breaking up with me – it gave me the kick up the ass I needed. Figured I needed to get my shit together. I joined the army. Was in the First Armored Division out of Fort Bliss. Did eight years then came out and joined the Sheriff’s department.’

‘You did well, Nate.’

He spreads his palms wide. ‘This high school jock didn’t turn out too badly huh?’

He puts his spoon down and signals the waiter for the check, refusing to let me put my card down. ‘I got this,’ he says. ‘You can get it next time.’ He stares at me directly as he says it and there’s a glint in his eye. A challenge.

My pulse leaps. Next time? I know I should get up and leave. I should tell him it’s been great to catch up but that we should probably go our separate ways. But my tongue is tied and my feet stay planted firmly to the floor.

Nate signs his name on the receipt and then stands. I follow suit, nervous as he helps me with my jacket. What happens now? As we walk out of the restaurant he rests his hand on my lower back the way he used to when we were dating, and there’s a feeling of possession in it, of being desired, that sets my nerves jangling. He walks me towards my car and the whole way I feel shot through with an electrical current. We stop and I rummage in my bag for my keys, procrastinating, not wanting to confront Nate.

‘I’m not sure I should let you drive,’ Nate murmurs.

‘I really should get home,’ I say, too nervous to look at him.

‘Ava,’ he whispers, stepping closer, so he’s almost touching me. I can smell the woodsy, musky scent of him. My stomach gives way and I look up. He takes my face in his hands and then pulls me closer and kisses me. And I close my eyes and let him.

PART TWO

Chapter 23

DAY 5

There’s no deputy Sheriff on duty outside the ICU, guarding the door. A nurse buzzes me through the double doors and I ask her if she knows where the police officer might have gone. She says she doesn’t know and then quickly hurries off. I don’t fail to miss the sideways look she gives me, and as I walk to June’s room I can feel the heat of shame prickling my skin.

Robert’s arrest is all over the news, but they haven’t yet released information about the second charge – the conspiracy to commit murder charge – so everyone thinks I’m complicit in some way. But I didn’t know anything! I want to yell after the nurse. I still don’t. My husband might have wanted to kill me!

Laurie told me it can’t be true. She kept repeating it to me over and over in the car. Of course Robert didn’t do it, of course they’re grabbing at straws, of course he’ll be proved innocent. But the fact is . . . what if he did do it? What if he is guilty? What if he did want me dead?

The door to June’s room is shut and I pause before opening it, readying myself for the sight of her. It’s only been five days but she seems to be getting paler and smaller by the hour – some essential light fading in her. As I step inside I see a doctor in a surgical cap and gown standing over the bed, reaching for the IV line running into June’s arm.

‘What are you—’ I shout, stepping into the room.

The doctor turns, startled, and then bolts towards me, shoving me forcefully aside as he sprints for the door and then down the hall.

‘Hey!’ I yell after him.

He doesn’t turn.

In a panic, I turn to June and glance at her. What did he do to her? The machines are still beeping. Her