Buster, Caleb Huett [great novels .TXT] 📗

but didn’t want to scare him by mentioning it. Tonio had to decide to tell the truth himself.

Or, I realized, I can help him.

“Thanks. I’ve been doing pretty well lately, so …” I looked right at Tonio and barked. One short, sharp one. “Ah! Sorry, I—” He knit his eyebrows together.

“No problem. You okay there, buddy?” Dr. Jake scratched my ears. I licked his hand, then looked back at Tonio. I knew he would understand right away—he was a smart kid. “Did your parents say why they want to move?”

“Uh, I guess because the store’s having some trouble. Dad’s been trying to make it better with deliveries and stuff, but that’s pretty much—” I barked again. Both humans looked at me. “Buster, what are you doing?”

“Maybe he can hear something outside?” Dr. Jake offered. “I hope we don’t have mice in the office.”

I rested my head down on the floor and kept watching Tonio. I’m just a bad dog, doing random things a dog does.

Tonio narrowed his eyes at me. “No, Buster. Stop.” He turned back to Dr. Jake. “I think …” He glanced down at me. “My parents think maybe the best thing is to switch me to a different school.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“It might be a good idea.” I can always tell when Tonio’s lying now. I folded my ears back and rumbled a low growl from the floor. “Maybe I should just put him outside.”

I bared my teeth just a little at him, where Dr. Jake couldn’t see. No.

“Don’t worry about it.” Dr. Jake gently patted my head. “He doesn’t seem worked up. Just noticing something we’re not noticing. I don’t mind.”

“I mind. But—” Tonio sighed. “I don’t think it will be any better at a different school. I’m just not good at making friends or talking to other kids. They’ll all think I’m crazy no matter where I go.” Tonio spoke like every word of this was a challenge to get out of his mouth. “I don’t want to go back at all.”

“What do you think will happen if you go back?”

“The kids will think something’s wrong with me!”

“Why will they think that?”

Now we were getting somewhere. Even just a little bit of honesty from Tonio gave Dr. Jake something to work with. Tonio’s eyebrows pushed together while he thought of an answer.

“Because I know I’ll have a panic attack sometime.”

“Panic attacks don’t mean you’re ‘crazy.’ They happen to almost everybody at least once in their life. They just happen to you a little more often, and they started earlier than they do for most people.”

“The other kids don’t know that. I’ll be the weird kid who freaks out all the time.”

Dr. Jake’s head tilted. “Why do you care if they think you’re ‘the weird kid’?”

“It’s embarrassing!”

Dr. Jake’s expression was gentle, but he pushed again. “Why is it embarrassing?”

Tonio looked surprised. He stared at the floor in silence for a few seconds, and Dr. Jake waited patiently. “I don’t understand.”

“Why is it bad for someone to think you’re weird?”

Tonio opened his mouth, closed it, then pushed air through his nose, frustrated. “Because it’s bad! I don’t know!”

“It’s a hard question. How about this: Let’s say another kid sees you have a panic attack. What are you worried they will do, not just think?”

“Make fun of me,” Tonio mumbled.

“What happens if they make fun of you?”

“I get embarrassed.”

“That’s how you feel. What happens, what really changes, when they make fun of you?”

Tonio considered. “They won’t want to be around me. Or be my friend.”

“I see.” Dr. Jake made a little note. “So you want them to be your friends.”

“Well … yeah. I want people to like me. Doesn’t everybody?”

“Sometimes. But if you don’t go to school, doesn’t that mean there’s no chance they could like you? They won’t even know you.”

Tonio wriggled on his beanbag. “Yeah, but not knowing me is better than thinking I’m messed up.”

“It sounds like maybe there’s something else that you’re worried about, then. Something that could happen other than losing friends.”

“I don’t know.” Tonio wasn’t lying this time—he really didn’t know. “I can’t think of anything.”

Dr. Jake nodded. “I believe you. Remember, anxiety is trying to protect you. It’s not a bad guy; it’s more like a good guy who is working too hard. In small amounts, worry helps you do your homework on time, or help the people you care about. But in big amounts, like you feel sometimes, it can keep you from doing anything at all. Sometimes it protects you so well that you don’t even know what it’s protecting you from.”

“So you’re trying to figure out why my anxiety is protecting me?”

“Exactly. That’s why our sessions work best when you give me honest, detailed answers—I can help you figure it out, because I’m good at asking questions.” Dr. Jake smiled at Tonio. “You’re good at asking questions, too, so I think you’ll catch on fast.”

Tonio’s face turned red—he was embarrassed but smiled back. Good, I thought. He’ll see that Dr. Jake doesn’t just want him to seem better. He wants to help him for real.

“I understand, I think.” Then a thought hit Tonio, and I saw a glimmer in his eyes. “It’s like a mystery! We know what anxiety is doing, which is making me feel worried—and we know where it’s doing something, because it’s the times and places I feel anxious. But we have to figure out the why.”

I felt relief from Dr. Jake. He had been trying to help Tonio see this for a long time, and had finally found the words to make it happen. (With a little help from me, of course.) I grabbed the chewing ball and kept listening.

“That’s exactly right. Do you have any guesses about why?”

“Maybe. When I think about it very hard, I start to feel anxious, and that can make me feel kind of sick.”

“Focus on your breathing and take your time. I’m here for as long as you need me.”

Tonio closed his eyes and took