Major Barbara, George Bernard Shaw [bookstand for reading txt] 📗

did. She bought my soul like a flower at a street corner; but she bought it for herself. Undershaft What! Not for Dionysos or another? Cusins Dionysos and all the others are in herself. I adored what was divine in her, and was therefore a true worshipper. But I was romantic about her too. I thought she was a woman of the people, and that a marriage with a professor of Greek would be far beyond the wildest social ambitions of her rank. Lady Britomart Adolphus!! Lomax Oh I say!!! Cusins When I learnt the horrible truth⁠— Lady Britomart What do you mean by the horrible truth, pray? Cusins That she was enormously rich; that her grandfather was an earl; that her father was the Prince of Darkness⁠— Undershaft Chut! Cusins —and that I was only an adventurer trying to catch a rich wife, then I stooped to deceive about my birth. Lady Britomart Your birth! Now Adolphus, don’t dare to make up a wicked story for the sake of these wretched cannons. Remember: I have seen photographs of your parents; and the Agent General for South Western Australia knows them personally and has assured me that they are most respectable married people. Cusins So they are in Australia; but here they are outcasts. Their marriage is legal in Australia, but not in England. My mother is my father’s deceased wife’s sister; and in this island I am consequently a foundling. Sensation. Is the subterfuge good enough, Machiavelli? Undershaft Thoughtfully. Biddy: this may be a way out of the difficulty. Lady Britomart Stuff! A man can’t make cannons any the better for being his own cousin instead of his proper self She sits down in the deck chair with a bounce that expresses her downright contempt for their casuistry. Undershaft To Cusins. You are an educated man. That is against the tradition. Cusins Once in ten thousand times it happens that the schoolboy is a born master of what they try to teach him. Greek has not destroyed my mind: it has nourished it. Besides, I did not learn it at an English public school. Undershaft Hm! Well, I cannot afford to be too particular: you have cornered the foundling market. Let it pass. You are eligible, Euripides: you are eligible. Barbara Coming from the platform and interposing between Cusins and Undershaft. Dolly: yesterday morning, when Stephen told us all about the tradition, you became very silent; and you have been strange and excited ever since. Were you thinking of your birth then? Cusins When the finger of Destiny suddenly points at a man in the middle of his breakfast, it makes him thoughtful. Barbara turns away sadly and stands near her mother, listening perturbedly. Undershaft Aha! You have had your eye on the business, my young friend, have you? Cusins Take care! There is an abyss of moral horror between me and your accursed aerial battleships. Undershaft Never mind the abyss for the present. Let us settle the practical details and leave your final decision open. You know that you will have to change your name. Do you object to that? Cusins Would any man named Adolphus⁠—any man called Dolly!⁠—object to be called something else? Undershaft Good. Now, as to money! I propose to treat you handsomely from the beginning. You shall start at a thousand a year. Cusins With sudden heat, his spectacles twinkling with mischief. A thousand! You dare offer a miserable thousand to the son-in-law of a millionaire! No, by Heavens, Machiavelli! you shall not cheat me. You cannot do without me; and I can do without you. I must have two thousand five hundred a year for two years. At the end of that time, if I am a failure, I go. But if I am a success, and stay on, you must give me the other five thousand. Undershaft What other five thousand? Cusins To make the two years up to five thousand a year. The two thousand five hundred is only half pay in case I should turn out a failure. The third year I must have ten percent on the profits. Undershaft Taken aback. Ten percent! Why, man, do you know what my profits are? Cusins Enormous, I hope: otherwise I shall require twenty-five percent. Undershaft But, Mr. Cusins, this is a serious matter of business. You are not bringing any capital into the concern. Cusins What! no capital! Is my mastery of Greek no capital? Is my access to the subtlest thought, the loftiest poetry yet attained by humanity, no capital? my character! my intellect! my life! my career! what Barbara calls my soul! are these no capital? Say another word; and I double my salary. Undershaft Be reasonable⁠— Cusins Peremptorily. Mr. Undershaft: you have my terms. Take them or leave them. Undershaft Recovering himself. Very well. I note your terms; and I offer you half. Cusins Disgusted. Half! Undershaft Firmly. Half. Cusins You call yourself a gentleman; and you offer me half!! Undershaft I do not call myself a gentleman; but I offer you half. Cusins This to your future partner! your successor! your son-in-law! Barbara You are selling your own soul, Dolly, not mine. Leave me out of the bargain, please. Undershaft Come! I will go a step further for Barbara’s sake. I will give you three-fifths; but that is my last word. Cusins Done! Lomax Done in the eye. Why, I only get eight hundred, you know. Cusins By the way, Mac, I am a classical scholar, not an arithmetical one. Is three-fifths more than half or less? Undershaft More, of course. Cusins I would have taken two hundred and fifty. How you can succeed in business when you are willing to pay all that money to a University don who is obviously not worth a junior clerk’s wages!⁠—well! What will Lazarus say? Undershaft Lazarus is a gentle romantic Jew who cares for nothing but string quartets and stalls at fashionable theatres. He will get the credit of your rapacity in money matters, as he has hitherto had the credit of mine. You are a shark of the first order, Euripides. So much the better for the firm! Barbara Is the