Caught in Us (Caught Series Book 4), Kacey Shea [top 50 books to read .TXT] 📗

I already feel out of place. I don’t belong. Not really. It was silly to think we could pretend the last three years never happened. I wish I could make things right, but now is not that time. I don’t want to ruin her night. “Maybe I should go.”

“No.” Callie frowns, pushing her chair back from the table and shoving to her feet. “Can you ladies give us a minute?” Her smile is forced. “Jill, Alicia? Can I see you in the ladies’ room?”

I wait for Jill to stand first, then follow behind as Callie leads us out of the room. This feels like a walk to the principal’s office—no, worse, really. My cheeks are hot with embarrassment, but I hold my head high.

Callie stalks into the restroom, checking the stalls before turning on us. “Okay, whatever the hell that was can’t happen tonight.”

Jill crosses her arms over her chest, lifting her chin in defiance. “I’m just trying to enjoy my party.”

“I’ll just go.” I swallow back the urge to cry.

“No.” Callie shakes her head, then pins Jill with a glare. “Okay, Loose Lips, now’s your chance. Air all the dirty laundry so we can enjoy this night without any bullshit drama.”

Jill’s jaw ticks and her heel taps the tile floor. She heaves out a sigh before turning to meet my stare. “You stopped returning my calls.”

Shame washes over me. “I know.”

Her hand goes to her hip. “Why?”

Defensiveness prickles up my spine. I know I hurt her, but fuck, it’s not like I didn’t suffer too. “I was alone and pregnant in a foreign country. I was dealing with a few things.”

“No, that’s bullshit.” Jill shakes her head. “You know I’d have been on the first plane to help you if you told me. I get that you were scared. I get that it was hard, but what I don’t get is why you cut us out.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“But it is.” Jill throws up her hands. “Damn it, Alicia. You were my best fucking friend. I would have stood by your side for anything. Whether you wanted an abortion, or to give him up for adoption, or to keep him. You know I would’ve done anything for you.” Her voice cracks, her eyes sad. “But you pushed us away and we deserve to know why.”

Callie touches Jill’s shoulder. “Maybe we should go back inside to the party.”

“No, I want answers.” Jill shakes off her touch, stepping forward with challenge in her stare. “Explain it to me. What was so damn important about keeping your baby a secret? What didn’t you want us to know?”

She’s too fucking perceptive.

And I’m exhausted from keeping this secret.

“Because you know his father,” I whisper.

Jill’s brow furrows. “Simon? We just met.”

“No.” I shake my head, emotion clogging my throat. A few tears spill from my lashes. I don’t know how she and Callie are going to take this. Or if it even matters anymore. “Chase.”

Callie’s mouth falls open with a strangled gasp.

Jill stares, her gaze unwavering even as she blinks. The heat of their judgment settles on my shoulders, and I wish I could take back the words. It’s not as if they’re going to change things. I made my choices. I left and cut everyone out. If I had known the choices Chase was making with his life, maybe it would have changed things, but hindsight is twenty-twenty. It does nothing for me now. The truth only serves to hurt the people I care about.

“You’re fucking joking?” Jill practically shouts.

“Jill.” Callie admonishes.

“It’s not a joke.” I lift my chin, refusing to display one ounce of shame now that the secret’s out. “Chase and I were together, before I left. Down in Kitty Hawk.”

“Like fuck buddies?” Jill’s face scrunches with disbelief. “Or more?”

Oh, it was more than a casual hookup. I’d been fooling myself to remember it as anything else. “More. A lot more.” I glance at Callie. “I’m sorry.”

“And you were never going to tell us?” Jill shakes her head, pacing the small restroom. “Jesus, Alicia, does he know Matthew is his?”

“He knows now.” I wring my hands together as I exhale a long breath. “Look, I’m sorry. I know I fucked up. I wish things were different, or that I was stronger—but I won’t apologize for doing the best I could by my son. I didn’t know if Chase was sober and I couldn’t chance,” I wring my hands together. “I couldn’t have my child around that.”

“I wish you had told us.” Callie wraps her arms around herself.

Jill stops walking. “You know we would have been there if you did, right?”

“I wanted to. Fuck, I picked up the phone a thousand times. But I wouldn’t ask you to keep that from Cam, and after our history and how much he hurt Callie. I knew you wouldn’t approve, and I understood. But I also wasn’t ready to take the chance that Chase would find out.” I bite at my lip, wishing I could make them understand. “I needed time. I thought he was still drinking. I needed to be stronger.”

Callie narrows her gaze, her features thoughtful. “Because you loved him.”

I’m not sure I ever stopped. “Yeah.” I nod. “I’m sorry. I know what he did to you. And how much he came between us before. I never wanted to hurt you.”

“Oh, Alicia.” Callie steps forward, her arms wrapping around my shoulders and pulling me close. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”

Tears leak from my eyes, emotion filling my lungs. Of all the possible reactions, I never expected her compassion. “You didn’t know.”

“I should’ve fought harder.” She hugs me tighter, her hand rubbing my back. “You had a baby. On your own. You’re so brave.”

“I don’t feel brave.” I sniffle, holding back sobs. “I feel stupid.”

“Hey.” She pulls back and finds my gaze. “You did the best with what you knew then.”

I nod, my stare moving to find Jill.

Her glare is gone and I can only hope she doesn’t