Time Jacker, Aaron Crash [most important books of all time txt] 📗

that the Count Palantine knew that Meriton was dead and that an unlikely trio of human, angel, and demon had snatched the Eternity Cannon out of the Black Tower. The whole place was a trap.

“We’re leaving now!” Jack yelled.

Gabby charged forward and raced across the futuristic room to the suburban houses. Those skeletons wore jeans, boots, and flannel over their dripping, muscled bodies. These things didn’t have the fancy plasma rifles. They only had your more common AR-15s. They managed to get a few rounds off before Gabby blew her horn. The sound blast rolled through them, ripping apart a sofa, and destroying one of the monsters, and blowing the leg off another.

Bailey raced forward, as did Jack, because if they didn’t get in close, those skeletons would take them apart with their assault rifles. Bailey’s war pick ripped muscle out of the chest of one of the skeletons. Jack blew the bloody head off another. Gabby was a whirl of light as she cut apart the last of the monsters.

Jack grabbed an AR-15 and slung it over his shoulder. He’d use it if things got bad, but he figured Gabby would be doing the heavy lifting since she’d spent a billion years training to fight.

They pushed forward into the 1950s house, killing more skeletons, and then into the Victorian house. By this time, the skeletons had advanced to skin and eyeballs, but no hair, teeth, or fingernails. There was blood. It was gross. However, they only had swords and muskets. A big woman with a sabre called the charge. “For the Count!” Well, the Victorian skeletons had vocal chords.

“I can’t keep blowing the horn,” Gabby gasped.

“We’ll have to chop them up the old-fashioned way.” Bailey shrieked laughter.

Jack wasn’t about to use the Eternity Cannon for these things. His shotgun was working just fine. He got two with one shot. He jacked another shell in and blew out the belly of the fat woman. A musket fired, hitting Bailey in the shoulder. A swing of her war pick punched a hole in the skull of the monster. Gabby hacked through the rest.

“You okay, Bailey?” Jack asked.

Her dark face was ashen. “I will be. Once we get out of this fucking Land of the Tossed. If we get out. I’m telling you, if we meet the Count or his Court, we’re royally screwed.”

Through the door, into the palace room, where these things not only had skin, but hair as well under their powdered white wigs. They even had fingernails. Something was wrong with their faces, though, as if the skin were like bad masks wanting to slide off.

They fought their way through the lacy monsters and into the medieval room. More skeletons met them, and these were harder to kill, but when things got bad, Gabby glowed brighter. Jack used up all the shells from his shotgun and switched to the AR-15. Then it was a headshot apiece for these bastards.

And any of the medieval feasters that dodged his bullets met their end on either Gabby’s glowing longsword or Bailey’s war pick.

Once the skeletons had been wiped out, Jack swept up his homemade bag of booty and gave it to the demon. “You carry this. Gabby and I will fight. We only have two more sets of monsters—the farmers in the adobe room and the hunters and gatherers.”

“I fucking hate your human history,” the demon said with a sigh. “It was so boring until internet porn.”

They fought their way through the adobe room, and into the tent room. Not only did the skeletons have skin and all the trappings of humankind, but they were also a foot taller. And really, could they be called skeletons now? Probably not. They had morphed into big giant things with misshapen features. They had crude stone weapons, at first pretty pathetic until Jack noticed they were glowing with green magic.

They were facing the most advanced of the Black Tower’s guardians.

Gabby went forward, using her horn as a shield, which caught a stone ax on the edge. She drove her sword into the guts of one monster. Then Jack saw that Gabby had other weapons at her disposal. Buried in the feathers of her wings were metal spurs. She opened one of the monster giant’s throats, and blood poured down. It fought on, since it wasn’t exactly a living thing—even with skin it was some kind of undead entity, fueled by Decaysia.

Jack shot two in the head, and they kept coming at him. Bailey had no choice but to drop her bag to fight. She flung her war pick into a head. She drove her spiked tail into a gut and out the thing’s back.

Jack said fuck it and emptied the clip of his AR-15 into the brains of one. It fell to its knees, then toppled over. Jack flung away the AR-15, out of bullets.

By that time, Gabby had slayed the last giant. They fled into the pine forest where there were six massive giants, even taller than the tent things. These things had outgrown their skin, their bones showing through, too big for their meat suits. It looked like the flesh was literally dripping from them, and they too had glowing green weapons, these made of stone rather than bronze.

One flung a spear, but Gabby was quick. She put her horn to her lips and blew it as hard as she could. That spear turned to dust. Two of the giants were pushed back. They lost some flesh, but they hurried forward.

Bailey was sweating, bleeding, and not happy. “This isn’t what I signed on for, Jack!”

One of the giants stormed forward. Jack had his Beretta, and he put three bullets into the knee of the thing, reducing the joint to mulch. The giant fell, and Jack put a bullet between its eyes, then another, then another, firing until the thing stopped moving. Meanwhile, Bailey flung her war pick up and managed to get it stuck in one monster’s skull. She yanked the giant backward