Missing the Big Picture, Donovan, Luke [paper ebook reader .txt] 📗

when we got back to school. I still thought that Rich and I would be friends, not realizing that the same thing happened in May, and Rich never talked to me on May 20th, the last day of classes.

The last time that I heard Rich’s voice for the summer was on July 29. Ever since March 15, off and on, I had heard his voice in my mind. Now, I finally got a break. That same day, I had another appointment with Dr. Roberts, who of course believed that Rich’s voice was a hallucination. Dr. Roberts thought that if I relaxed more and stopped thinking all the time, my mind would be quieter. For the first time in all of my appointments, I agreed. I still believed that I was having an actual telepathic conversation with Rich, who was miles away, but I did agree that I had to relax more and try to concentrate. It was difficult for me to try to relax my mind. As a child, my mother always told me, “You’re always thinking.” My mind is always working overtime, and I tried relaxation tapes, and yoga, but I couldn’t relax. Every time I tried listening to a relaxation tape, I would just think about other people using relaxation tapes.

I went back to college for my second year on August 24, 2002. I was most anxious about meeting my roommate, since I was one of a few students who chose the random assignment instead of living with somebody I already knew. My first day back I went and hung out with my female friends; we played cards and watched Crossroads, the Britney Spears movie. Things were different than a year before; the exciting newness was gone, and people were less friendly as sophomores because most of the social groups had been established.

The next day I went to get my books with Vanessa and her former roommate, Susan. At the bookstore, I saw Rich standing a few people in front of me. It was the first time I had seen him since May. At first Rich started smiling and laughing when he saw me, but then when I started walking toward him, he shook his head and gave me a look to stay away. Rich was one of the only students waiting in line with his mother, his younger brother, and his father. I could see Rich telling his parents about me, and I could only imagine what he was saying.

Sunday, Shannon and Diana actually had the guts to visit me in my room. All of the girls were scared to go my room because they joked that I masturbated up to ten times a day and everything in the room would either smell or be covered in dried semen stains. They were surprised that I was organized and had a computer, which I didn’t have freshman year. Sheets were on my bed for once—most of the time freshman year I slept on a bare bed—and the girls were surprised that I started wearing cologne and even had a stapler. Later that night, Marty, my new roommate, arrived. Marty was the complete opposite of Bruce; he was laid back, not controlling. We didn’t become the best of friends, but we were fine just keeping to ourselves.

Unlike freshman year, I hardly knew anybody in my dorm. Shannon, Diana, and Kaitlin lived in a suite a few dorms away, and Denise and Vanessa lived in the dorm across from mine. Things were different. Denise and Rodney actually started getting more serious; for a time it seemed that Rodney was calming down, and he was actually nice to Denise’s friends. I still liked to play the role of the “big brother,” who was always there to listen to the girls’ problems.

Every day since that Sunday, I heard Rich’s voice in my mind. The voice was friendly, and we talked about meeting up soon and discussing what was happening in our minds. Once again, I was under the false impression that Rich was my friend.

As the first couple of weeks of school passed, I still felt like I was having telepathic communication with Rich. Soon I figured out a guaranteed spot I could run into him: the radio station meeting. Both of us had been disc jockeys since freshman year. At the meeting, Bruce was sitting with Rich, and since I didn’t want to be bothered with my old roommate, I kept away from Rich. However, I did find out from the radio station schedule when Rich was having a show. It would be the perfect opportunity to confront him about the voices that I heard.

The day I found out about Rich’s show was a Thursday, and Rich’s premiere radio broadcast was the following Tuesday. In my mind, Rich said that if I went to his radio show, we would talk about our telepathic exchanges. Rich’s voice told me that this was really occurring and that I should just ignore what my mother and psychiatrist said. After Rich and I had communicated in our minds about the radio show, I didn’t hear his voice until that Tuesday. I was confident that on Tuesday at midnight, I would show up at the radio broadcast, and after over a year and a half of hearing strange voices in my mind, the charade would be over. I never thought that I shouldn’t listen to the voice or that or that Rich was mean to begin with and unworthy of being my friend. I didn’t focus on the positive friendships I had. I was controlled by Rich’s voice.

So, I decided on Monday night I would stay at the library until it closed at midnight and then just walk over to the radio station for Rich’s first radio show. I couldn’t have been more excited.

I waited in the library until I heard the last page requiring me to leave. I left but then just walked around outside. I decided that when it was twelve fifteen, I would