Mr. Darcy's Diary, Amanda Grange [elon musk reading list TXT] 📗

room. ‘She is

grown so brown and coarse. Louisa and I were agreeing

that we should not have known her again.’

It was clear to me that Caroline’s remarks were

inspired by jealousy. I had wondered, on occasion, if

she fancied herself the next Mrs Darcy, but dismissed

the notion. Now I was sure of it. I was determined not

to let her ill-natured remarks ruin my happiness,

however.

‘I saw nothing different about her, except that she was

rather tanned, no miraculous consequence of travelling

in summer.’

‘For my own part,’ she went on spitefully,‘I must confess that I never could see any beauty in her.’

As she went on to criticize Elizabeth’s nose, chin,

complexion and teeth I grew more and more annoyed,

but said nothing, even when she added: ‘And as for her

eyes, which have sometimes been called so fine, I never

could perceive anything extraordinary in them.’

She looked at me challengingly, but I remained determinedly silent.

‘I remember your saying one night, after they had

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been dining at Netherfield: “She is a beauty! – I should

as soon call her mother a wit”.’

‘Yes,’ I replied, unable to contain myself, ‘but that was

only when I first knew her, for it is many months since

I have considered her as one of the handsomest women

of my acquaintance.’

And so saying, I walked out of the room.

Caroline’s impertinence goes beyond all bounds. If she

was not Bingley’s sister I would tell her to leave.To insult

Elizabeth, to me! She must be far gone with jealousy

indeed.

But she cannot pierce my happiness. I love Elizabeth.

Now it only remains to be seen if Elizabeth loves me.

Friday 8th August

I could not sleep last night, but this time the cause was

happiness. I think Elizabeth is not averse to me. In time,

I think, she might come to like me. I thank the happy

fate that brought her to Derbyshire, and the happier one

that prompted me to ride ahead of the rest of my party,

in time to meet her. In London, I tried to forget her, but

it was impossible. Now, I must try to win her.

I went to the inn, therefore, this morning, hoping to

sit with her. I was shown up to the parlour by the servant. As we went upstairs I wondered what expression

would cross her face when I entered the room. By that,

I might know much. A smile would show I was welcome. Embarrassment would give me leave to hope. A

cold look would dash me completely.

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The door opened. But instead of seeing Elizabeth sitting

with her aunt, I saw her darting towards the door, her face

pale and her manner agitated. I started, thinking some great

calamity must have befallen her to produce such a look, but

before I had a chance to speak she turned anguished eyes

to mine and exclaimed:‘I beg your pardon, but I must leave

you. I must find Mr Gardiner this moment, on business that

cannot be delayed; I have not an instant to lose.’

‘Good God! What is the matter?’ I asked, longing to

be of service to her. As soon as the words were out, I

knew how unhelpful they had been. Collecting myself, I

said:‘Let me, or let the servant, go after Mr Gardiner.You

are not well enough; you cannot go yourself.’

‘Oh, yes, the servant.’ She called him back and said

breathlessly:‘You must find my uncle. Fetch him at once.

It is a matter of the utmost urgency. Send a boy.Tell him

his niece needs him immediately.Tell my aunt. She must

come, too.’

The servant promised to do so, and left the room.

I saw Elizabeth’s knees tremble and I moved forward,

ready to lend her my assistance, but she sat down before

I could reach her, looking so miserably ill that I could

not have left her, even if I had wanted to.

‘Let me call your maid,’ I said gently, feeling suddenly

useless. I knew nothing about helping ladies in such circumstances. A sudden thought hit me. ‘A glass of wine,

shall I fetch you one?’

‘No, I thank you,’ she said. I saw her wrestle with herself and control the worst of her agitation. ‘I am quite

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well. I am only distressed by some dreadful news which

I have just received from Longbourn.’

She burst into tears. I longed to go to her and comfort her. I longed to put my arms around her and ease her

pain. But I could do nothing. For the first time in my life

I cursed civility, good manners and breeding. They had

always seemed so important to me, but they now seemed

valueless because they were keeping me from Elizabeth.

A moment longer and I believe I would have thrown

convention to the wind, but she recovered herself and

said: ‘I have just had a letter from Jane, with such dreadful news. My youngest sister has left all her friends – has

eloped – has thrown herself into the power of – of Mr

Wickham. They are gone off together from Brighton.

You know him too well to doubt the rest. She has no

money, no connections, nothing that can tempt him –

she is lost for ever.’

I could not believe what I was hearing.This was perfidy indeed.To steal a young girl away from her relatives

and friends. And yet he had done it before, or at least he

had tried to do it and would have succeeded if he had

not been foiled in the attempt.

‘When I consider that I might have prevented it! I

who knew what he was,’ she said.

No, I wanted to say. You are not to blame. I should

have made his nature known. But the words were pouring out of her in a torrent, and I could do nothing but

let her speak. At last, her flow came to an end.

‘But is it certain, absolutely certain?’ I asked.

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News travels fast, especially bad news, but it is