A Man Could Stand Up—, Ford Madox Ford [ebook reader macos .txt] 📗

She was there only to oblige⁠—because her distinguished father had insisted on paying minute attention to her physique which was vital and admirable. She had been there, for some time past only to oblige⁠—War Work and all that⁠—but still she had always kept her place and had never hitherto raised her voice at a Mistress’s Conference. So it was indeed the World Turned Upside Down⁠—already!⁠—when Miss Wanostrocht hopefully from behind her desk decorated with two pale pink carnations said:

“The idea is, Miss Wannop, that They should be kept⁠—that you should keep them, please⁠—as nearly as possible⁠—isn’t it called?⁠—at attention until the⁠—eh⁠—noises⁠ ⁠… announce the⁠ ⁠… well, you know. Then we suppose they will have to give, say, three cheers. And then perhaps you could get them⁠—in an orderly way⁠—back to their classrooms.⁠ ⁠…”

Valentine felt that she was by no means certain that she could. It was not really practicable to keep every one of six hundred aligned girls under your eye. Still she was ready to have a shot. She was ready to concede that it might not be altogether⁠—oh, expedient!⁠—to turn six hundred girls stark mad with excitement into the streets already filled with populations that would no doubt be also stark mad with excitement. You had better keep them in if you could. She would have a shot. And she was pleased. She felt fit: amazingly fit! Fit to do the quarter in⁠ ⁠… oh, in any time! And to give a clump on the jaw to any large, troublesome Jewish type of maiden⁠—or Anglo-Teutonic⁠—who should try to break ranks. Which was more than the Head or any one of the other worried and underfed ones could do. She was pleased that they recognised it. Still she was also generous and recognising that the world ought not really to be turned upside down at any rate until the maroons went, she said:

“Of course I will have a shot at it. But it would be a reinforcement, in the way of keeping order, if the Head⁠—you Miss Wanostrocht⁠—and one or two others of the Mistresses would be strolling about. In relays, of course; not all of the staff all the morning⁠ ⁠…”

That had been two and a half hours or so ago: before the world changed, the Conference having taken place at eight-thirty. Now here she was, after having kept those girls pretty exhaustingly jumping about for most of the intervening time⁠—here she was treating with disrespect obviously constituted Authority. For whom ought you to respect if not the wife of the Head of a Department, with a title, a country place and most highly attended Thursday afternoons?

She was not really listening to the telephone because Edith Ethel was telling her about the condition of Sir Vincent: so overworked, poor man, over Statistics that a nervous breakdown was imminently to be expected. Worried over money, too. Those dreadful taxes for this iniquitous affair.⁠ ⁠…

Valentine took leisure to wonder why⁠—why in the world!⁠—Miss Wanostrocht who must know at the least the burden of Edith Ethel’s story had sent for her to hear this farrago? Miss Wanostrocht must know: she had obviously been talked to by Edith Ethel for long enough to form a judgment. Then the matter must be of importance. Urgent even, since the keeping of discipline in the playground was of such utter importance to Miss Wanostrocht: a crucial point in the history of the School and the mothers of Europe.

But to whom then could Lady Macmaster’s communication be of life and death importance? To her, Valentine Wannop? It could not be: there were no events of importance that could affect her life outside the playground, her mother safe at home and her brother safe on a minesweeper in Pembroke Dock.⁠ ⁠…

Then⁠ ⁠… of importance to Lady Macmaster herself? But how? What could she do for Lady Macmaster? Was she wanted to teach Sir Vincent to perform physical exercises so that he might avoid his nervous breakdown and, in excess of physical health, get the mortgage taken off his country place which she gathered was proving an overwhelming burden on account of iniquitous taxes the result of a war that ought never to have been waged?

It was absurd to think that she could be wanted for that! An absurd business.⁠ ⁠… There she was, bursting with health, strength, good-humour, perfectly full of beans⁠—there she was, ready in the cause of order to give Leah Heldenstamm, the large girl, no end of a clump on the side of the jaw or, alternatively, for the sake of all the beanfeastishnesses in the world to assist in the amiable discomfiture of the police. There she was in a sort of noncomformist cloister. Nunlike! Positively nunlike! At the parting of the ways of the universe!

She whistled slightly to herself.

“By Jove,” she exclaimed coolly, “I hope it does not mean an omen that I’m to be⁠—oh, nunlike⁠—for the rest of my career in the reconstructed world!”

She began for a moment seriously to take stock of her position⁠—of her whole position in life. It had certainly been hitherto rather nunlike. She was twenty-threeish: rising twenty-four. As fit as a fiddle; as clean as a whistle. Five foot four in her gym shoes. And no one had ever wanted to marry her. No doubt that was because she was so clean and fit. No one even had ever tried to seduce her. That was certainly because she was so clean-run. She didn’t obviously offer⁠—What was it the fellow called it?⁠—promise of pneumatic bliss to the gentlemen with sergeant-majors’ horseshoe moustaches and gurglish voices! She never would. Then perhaps she would never marry. And never be seduced!

Nunlike! She would have to stand at an attitude of attention beside a telephone all her life; in an empty schoolroom with the world shouting from the playground. Or not even shouting from the playground any more. Gone to Piccadilly!

… But, hang it all, she wanted some fun! Now!

For years now she had been⁠—oh, yes, nunlike!⁠—looking after the lungs and limbs of the girls of the adenoidy, nonconformistish⁠—really undenominational