In Her Eyes, Sarah Alderson [korean novels in english txt] 📗

Of course, we don’t suggest doing it right away. You and your family can take your time, say your goodbyes, prepare.’

Goodbyes? Prepare? The breath is drawn out of me in one long, endless wail. The pain is so immense, so eviscerating, that I think I will die from it. I want to die from it. Because it’s too big to contain and I know that this is just the start, that it will grow and grow, like the sun expanding, until it consumes me and the whole, entire universe. There is no way of bearing it.

I collapse to the floor, dragging Laurie with me, and she holds me, rocking me like a child, and all I can do is cling to her and howl June’s name over and over and over.

Chapter 33

‘Mrs Walker?’

It takes me almost a minute to break out of my daze and figure out someone is calling me. I’m in the relatives’ room still. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here, on the floor, in Laurie’s arms. I’m no longer crying or wailing and the doctors have all left but I don’t recall them going or what was said or what comes next. Goodbye. They said we should say goodbye. Prepare. My head throbs and my body is broken. My heart too – beyond repair. I’m all exposed raw nerves, and someone is holding a blowtorch to my body. How is it possible to live through this? To stand up? To keep breathing?

‘Why?’ I whisper, half-crazed, the world pulling in and out of warped focus like a hall of mirrors. ‘Why would they do this?’

Was it another warning to pay up? Or did she see their faces? Were they worried she would wake up and identify them?

‘Mrs Walker?’ I look up slowly. A nurse hovers in the doorway. ‘There’s someone here to see you.’

Nate enters the room behind her. He strides over and kneels in front of me. ‘Ava,’ he says. ‘God, I just heard. I’m so sorry.’

‘How did they get in?’ I ask him, swiping at the snot and tears. ‘How did they get in? There were police on the door. You were meant to be guarding her!’

My fury takes him by surprise but he doesn’t reel away from it. I stagger to my feet and he follows me, reaching for my arm, which I wrench from his grip.

‘This is your fault,’ I hiss. ‘You told me she was safe. I believed you!’ I shove him backwards, both hands on his chest.

He falls back a step, holding up his hands in supplication. ‘Ava, I’m sorry. We’re investigating.’

‘Investigating?’ I spit, a laugh erupting out of me like some demonic cackle. ‘Because you’re so damn good at that! You’re so focused on Robert, so obsessed with blaming him, you didn’t even bother looking for anyone else or for any other motive.’ I pull myself back. I can’t tell him about the drugs or about Gene, no matter how much it’s teetering on the edge of my tongue. ‘You didn’t even find the damn trash bag!’ I yell.

Nate frowns at me, shaking his head in confusion. ‘What trash bag?’

‘The trash you said Robert didn’t put out, but he did! I found it behind the garage. You used that as evidence he was lying and he wasn’t!’

Nate frowns. ‘What was it doing behind the garage?’ he asks.

‘I don’t know, but the point is you were wrong. Robert didn’t lie and if you’d done your job none of this would have happened.’

It’s my only chance of getting Robert off the hook – if I can’t tell the truth, I can at least provide evidence that could cast doubt on the suspicions.

‘Why didn’t Robert tell us where he’d put it then?’ Nate argues. ‘Why is he pleading no contest to the charges? If you were innocent you would deny them until your last breath, you’d fight it all the way. He hasn’t. Ava, you need to accept his involvement in this.’

‘No,’ I shout. ‘This isn’t on him. He’s not the one who broke in here and did this to June. And if you hadn’t been so focused on building a case against, you might already have found the people responsible.’

Nate stares at me, clearly taking it in.

I remember the warning I was given – the threats Raul made – and stay silent about the drugs. Whoever did this has already hurt June. What if they hurt Hannah too?

I can’t lose another child. I have to find the money to pay them off.

Chapter 34

June doesn’t look any different, that’s what strikes me first. In fact, she looks better, her face flushed with color.

Why did I leave her? I think as I stroke her hand. I should have stayed with her. I should have been here, then it wouldn’t have happened. I’m to blame too. I glance up at Hannah, who is sitting on the other side of June’s bed, hunched over and looking pale and red-eyed.

Feeling my gaze, she looks up. ‘I went out to see what the alarm was about. I’m sorry,’ she says, her voice trembling.

‘It’s OK,’ I whisper, though the rage is eating away at my insides like acid and it’s taking everything I have to hold it in.

‘I’m sorry,’ Hannah repeats in a whisper.

‘I know,’ I say, focusing on June. I know it’s not Hannah’s fault – not exactly – but why couldn’t she have stayed with June?

‘It’s my fault,’ Hannah says. ‘I shouldn’t have left her. I should have stayed.’

Yes! I scream silently, biting my tongue until I taste the hot rusty tang of blood. ‘You didn’t see them?’ I ask after a few seconds. ‘You didn’t see who it was?’

She shakes her head. ‘No. I told the cops. I didn’t see anyone. There were so many doctors and nurses rushing around. I was only out of the room for a minute, not even, I don’t know how it happened.’ I look up and see her wipe her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she says, bursting into