Violence. Speed. Momentum., Dr DisRespect [motivational books for students TXT] 📗

Uh-huh.

And clamps twisting his nipples into little knots?

He actually requested that.

Yeah, I don’t need to know. Anyway, guess I’ll let you guys get back to it—

“DOC, PLEASE! SAVE ME! PLEEEEEASE!”

Ah shit, do you really have to scream so loud, Nigel the Editor?

“YES!”

WOW! Is that a portable 7T-43 laser-induced plasma-effect weapon with sonic boosters? I thought I was the only person who had one of those! I’ve never actually seen it vibrate anyone’s brain before.

“PLEASE, I’M BEGGING YOU!”

Ah shit, man. I mean, I would, but—I haven’t even finished my lunch yet. Wanna see the explanation about what I’m a doctor of that I wrote for you? Maybe I can email it and the Brotherhood can let you read it or something.

“I CAN’T READ! MY EYEBALLS ARE FULL OF ACID!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

Sigh.

“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

All right, all right, I get it! Dude, chill out! I’ll rescue you, all right? Fuck! I could’ve told you like ten minutes ago if you’d just stop screaming like a skinny little punk!

Honestly, between me and you, I was always gonna do it. I just wanted to make you sweat it out a little, you know? Look, I’m still a little pissed that you walked off my book. And if I’m being honest here, I just think you could work on your people skills, you know? I mean, I’m the talent. I’m the Doc. And I expect to be treated with a certain degree of respect.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

But anyway, you messed up, I think you understand that now, I’m sure you won’t do it again, and I’m willing to let bygones be bygones. I’m happy to be the bigger man here. Because when it’s all said and done, I still love you, man. I still appreciate everything you’ve done for me and for the book and for the entire Champions Club. And I really am the bigger man out of the two of us, like a lot bigger, both literally and figuratively, and I think the facts back that up.

All right, cool. So I’m gonna finish up this chicken fajita, then I might need a nap. And then, when I’m good and ready, I’ll come rescue you from the Brotherhood. Cool?

Oh hey, Carl the Hunchback—where am I meeting you guys to kick your ass? Hong Kong again? You got a new lame-ass warehouse for me to demolish?

I’m glad you asked, Doc. The setting will be a bit… different this time.

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. What are you showing me right now, bro? I thought you were inside, but that looks like gleaming silvery skyscrapers. Like shining spotlights and flashing bulbs and paparazzi and international press with TV cameras and helicopters and Lamborghinis and A-list stars and plush red carpets and all the glitzy glamour of a MAJOR EXCLUSIVE INVITATION-ONLY GLOBAL PAY-PER-VIEW GALA EVENT. That’s my kind of torture chamber, baby!

That’s right, Doc. I know you like… attention. We’re holding Nigel the Editor at the very top of the world’s tallest building in the heart of Dubai. And we invited the world’s top press, the galaxy’s biggest stars, and the most powerful, influential people in the cosmos to witness our final showdown. We’ll be waiting.

I disconnected AIM and arched one of my perfectly sculpted slate-black eyebrows.

A life-and-death rescue mission on the world’s tallest building in Dubai in front of the eyes and cameras of the entire sentient universe?

This just got interesting.

I. In this dimension, both my parents were grade-school teachers, and they had an irrational hatred for used-car dealers. There was no Razor Frank—no Razor Frank at all! Think about it.

CHAPTER 15 THE END???

So I’m flying my Ka-27 attack chopper through the clear Dubai night sky, dictating directly to my advanced prototype Casio TP-4000X microcassette recorder.

As usual, I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Doc, why are you dictating? Why not just wait to type this up later on your experimental Dell Inspiron with WordPerfect 5.1 emulator?”

As usual, I’m nice enough to answer your impertinent questions. And the simple fact is that even though I’m the most dominant champion in the history of mankind, when you live a life like mine, a life that’s always on the edge, a life that’s always at the tippity-top of the mountain and only halfway up—there’s risk. There’s danger. There’s a chance I might not make it home.

If there wasn’t, it wouldn’t be a challenge. And I wouldn’t be the Doc.

My copter is getting closer to the tallest building in the world. And I gotta admit—that thing is really tall. Like, you know how sometimes people are like, “Wow, that building is tall,” and you see it, and you’re like, “Yeah, that building is tall—but with my six-foot-eight frame and my superior athleticism, I bet I could still jump it”?

Well, this building isn’t like that.

I see it standing alone and unchallenged on the Dubai skyline, like a dagger plunging blindly into the black heart of night. Shit, that was poetic. I fly closer, and I see klieg lights sweeping across the heavens, with dozens of other, less cool helicopters circling the top, trying desperately to get a glimpse of the action.

I cut right through the crowd, because the Two-Time always cuts through the crowd, and my Kamov pulls in close for a perfect landing.

Just before I touch down, I scan the crowds, and for once in his pathetic life Carl the Hunchback wasn’t lying. Everyone is there. Everyone!

All the TV press that’s been covering me, drooling over me since I won my first Blockbuster Championship—Tom Brokaw and Dan Rather and my old buddy Wolf Blitzer and some dude I don’t recognize from ABC because who the fuck can really replace Peter Jennings? And next to them all the A-list stars and champions I’ve encountered throughout my life—Leo and Brad and Fred Savage and JCVD and the ShamWow guy and Just Plain Usman and Kangaroo Jack Hortly and even Dolph Lundgren, who really is a good dude even if his farts are weak. And then the