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go into the spare bedroom and we didn’t have to interact. There was no one there to analyze how we were acting toward each other or to expect anything from us.

Here at the bar, everyone still saw the newlyweds. They grinned and giggled when they saw us, and some were still trickling in, offering congratulations. Before this week, Matt and I would amuse them by standing close together, our arms around each other as we listened and smiled. Sometimes we would wait until it looked like we thought we were alone and pretend to sneak a kiss, knowing people were watching.

It all worked out perfectly, at least for what we wanted to achieve then. Now it was much harder to keep up that charade. It was harder to look happy and carefree and to let people admire us. As much as I thought I would love the attention of being a newlywed when I thought about it on my wedding day, now I just wanted it all to melt away.

That wasn’t going to happen. Instead, I ended up crossing paths with Matt all night. He would smile at me or offer to help, but I got away from him as fast as I could before the tears would start up. I couldn’t stand this. But all too soon, it got worse.

I had just gone into the kitchen to grab an order of food to bring out to a table and realized I’d forgotten to grab a bottle of ketchup to bring with it. One of the many inadvertent lessons I’d learned during my time working at the bar was that there was a very slim window of perfection for French fries. It was that glorious time when they were fresh, golden, crispy, and hot enough that the oil was still sizzling just a little on the surface.

It was achingly specific, but also one of those little joys in life that shouldn’t be taken for granted. I figured if I was going to be the one to bring food to someone, I was going to pride myself in them never missing their French fry perfection window because they had to wait for a bottle of ketchup.

I realized my mistake as I was heading for the table. Matt had just walked past, and I turned around to ask him to grab one for me. Just as I did, a woman at one of the tables reached up and ran her hand down his side to get his attention. Matt turned to her, and the woman smiled, gesturing for him to come closer so she could say something to him.

The bar was busy, so it was fairly loud, but there was no need for that close of proximity or that obvious of flirting. I waited for Matt to step back or to let her know he was taken, but he didn’t. Instead, he seemed to be enjoying the attention. That was all I could take.

I brought the food over to the table and set it down as pleasantly as I could. I snatched a bottle of ketchup from a recently vacated table nearby and rushed to find Hannah.

“I need to leave early,” I said, untying my apron as I walked past her toward the back of the bar.

“Wait, what?” she asked, following after me.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m leaving you in the lurch, but I can’t be here right now. I’m really not in a good place.”

“What’s wrong?”

We were in the back room, just the two of us, and she was looking at me with sincerity and concern in her eyes. I so badly wanted to just open up and tell her everything. I wanted to tell her the truth and let everything fall where it may. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t sure how she would take it, and I couldn’t stand the thought of adding hurting her to everything I was going through already.

Right at that moment, the door opened and Matt came in. He was laughing and barely even looked my way as he reached for a freshly laundered stack of towels for behind the bar. My head dropped, and I let out a sigh.

“Is it Matt?” Hannah asked. “Are you two having issues?”

I figured that was the closest thing to telling her the truth I would get to and nodded.

“Yes. But I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to hear that we rushed things right now.”

Hannah shook her head, reaching out to run her hands down my arms comfortingly.

“I wasn’t going to say anything like that. Marriage can be really hard. It isn’t just romance and sunny days and cuddles. It’s so much more than that. It takes hard work to keep marriages going. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been married five minutes or five decades, you still have to put work into it. And there’s going to be issues from time to time. No matter what. And no matter who you’re talking about. You shouldn’t beat yourself up over it,” she said.

“It’s really hard not to,” I said, knowing I meant it but for a reason she didn’t understand.

“I know. But listen to me. You’re going to get through this. You and Matt are going to figure out whatever it is you’re going through and make it out the other side stronger and happier than ever. I know it because the two of you are so great together,” she said. “And don’t worry about tonight. We can handle it. You go home, take some time for yourself, and know everything is going to work out just fine.”

“Thank you.”

She gathered me into a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I said, squeezing her back.

Her talk should have made me feel better, and if it was normal circumstances we were dealing with, it probably would have. But these weren’t normal circumstances, and Matt and I couldn’t just work it out. I went home feeling even more upset than I was before

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