Chicago, Alaa Aswany [first e reader .TXT] 📗

failed to keep her husband, who was suffering loss and distress, who was a burden on her family and friends, who was chased by all kinds of men because, not being a virgin, she had nothing to lose. She was a woman whom people pitied and accused in many unstated ways. She did not want that image for herself and she had to respect the advice of her parents because they had more experience than she and because they wanted nothing for her except happiness and a good life. Besides, she had never married before and had no experience with men (except light, casual attraction to some college classmates that never went beyond lengthy telephone conversations). What did she know? Couldn’t it be that most women suffered like her and just stuck it out to keep the family together? Didn’t her mother say explicitly: “This intimate relationship we women consider just a matter of duty, and after having children we might forget it completely”? Couldn’t it be that her mother, like her, had suffered in bed and yet was able to love her father and have children with him and go on living with him for many years? Wouldn’t it be better for her to reconsider her relationship with Danana?

True he was greedy, a miser, and only cared about himself, but didn’t he also have some good qualities? Was all he did just evil? To be fair, she had to admit that he was pious, had a sense of humor, and often, during those rare moments of peace and contentment, made her laugh with his sarcastic similes and comments. Her husband had his good and bad points like everyone else in the world and she had to remember the good as she did the bad. Marwa spent the night thinking, and in the morning she got up, took a bath, performed her ablutions and her prayers, and when she looked at her face in the mirror, she felt she had changed, that her features were showing signs of determination. She felt she was beginning a new, different chapter in her life. She heard her husband’s footsteps and deliberately stood close by and said with a smile, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Danana replied in a lukewarm tone of voice, realizing that his wife had rejoined the fold. He decided to take his time before taking her back, in order to teach her a lesson so she wouldn’t deviate again. She went on in an apologetic, placating tone, “Would you like me to fix you breakfast?”

“I’ll eat at school.”

“I’ll make you some eggs with basterma, quick.”

“Thanks.”

Danana played hard to get for a whole day, and then he showed signs of relenting after delivering a short speech. “Your father called me yesterday. Thank God he is a good and pious man, and I am saying that just for the sake of the truth. I told him what you have done and I said that I used my shari‘a-sanctioned right to discipline you within the minimum boundaries. Anyway, Marwa, for the sake of Hagg Nofal, I have forgiven you this time, but I am warning you, good woman, not to listen to Satan’s evil temptations. Take refuge in God away from Satan, who deserves to be stoned, perform your prayers regularly and fear God as you tend your husband and your home.”

Life between the two of them went back to what it used to be. In fact, it was much better. Marwa started to show interest in her husband and was sweet to him. She cooked his favorite dishes and waited to eat with him and had long conversations with him. The change in her was so great it astonished Danana himself and confirmed his idea that women were mysterious beings full of contradictions and that it was impossible to fathom their reactions or deep desires. Marwa did all she could to get along with her husband and seemed to be playing the role of the contented wife quite well. Even their encounters in bed, which had often tormented her, she was able to cope with in a creative way. As soon as Danana fell upon her with his erection, the moment she felt his feverish panting on her face as he tried to kiss her and as his saliva mixed with the bitter taste of tobacco reached her mouth, and as she felt his heavy paunch pressed against her belly causing her to feel almost nauseated—at that moment that had often tormented her, Marwa learned to close her eyes and forget Danana. She would concentrate first on banishing his picture from her mind, then she imagined that she was embracing another man: handsome, attractive, and exciting.

In time, Marwa was able to assemble a group of secret lovers, all of whom she slept with in her imagination: Rushdi Abaza, Kadhim al-Sahir, and Mahmud Abd al-Aziz. Even Dr. Said al-Daqqaq, professor of general finance at Cairo University Business School, who was universally admired by all the female students; Marwa had him in bed more than once. Thus imagination provided her with a novel and effective way of overcoming her physical problem. The whole thing even turned into a delightful secret game. As soon as she sensed Danana’s impending attack, she would wonder: with whom am I going to sleep tonight? Rushdi Abaza already had his turn, twice. That’s enough for him. Oh, how I miss Kadhim! As she kept doing that she got so thoroughly caught up in the act that she feared her tongue might let slip the name of her imagined lover in front of her husband, resulting in a major scandal. As soon as she felt Danana letting go of his disgusting warm pleasure inside her she would run to the bathroom, her eyes almost closed so that she wouldn’t lose the fantasy, and then continue to arouse herself to orgasm. Those were Marwa’s attempts to adapt, endure, and live. She began to accept life with Danana as it was and not as