The Train, Sarah Bourne [dark books to read .txt] 📗

rang the bell and waited, hands in her pockets fiddling with her keys and an old packet of mints.

‘Oh! Hello, Iris,’ said Luke, opening the door. ‘What a surprise – are you okay?’ He looked over his shoulder and called to Barry. ‘It’s your mother.’ Turning back to Iris, he ushered her in.

‘Mother – what on earth are you doing here? Are you all right?’ He was wearing an apron and had a knife in his hand. Waving it around, he said, ‘I was just making dinner.’

Iris looked from her son to Luke and back again. She thought what a handsome couple they made, her son and his boyfriend. Manfriend really, she supposed. And she noticed that he also called her Mother, and wondered what else he could call her – they were both too old for Mum, and Iris had never liked the way some grown-up children called their parents by their first names. Reg would have had a fit if ever Barry had called him by his given name. She hated the way Mother sounded coming from Laura’s lips – somehow spiteful and angry – but from Barry there was a softness to it she could accept.

An ambulance sped past, siren blaring and lights flashing. The three of them stood frozen on the doorstep looking at each other until the noise had faded into the distance. She drew herself up to her full five feet, looked into her son’s face and took a deep breath.

‘I know you’re gay,’ she said. ‘I’ve known it for a long time.’

They were still standing half in and half out of the house. Barry let his knife hand drop by his side. Luke bit his lip.

‘It’s fine. I don’t mind. I’ve got gay friends.’ She didn’t, but it made her sound more modern and accepting. And, she reasoned to herself she could have gay friends, it was just that she hadn’t met any.

She went on, speaking into the lengthening silence. ‘I just feel hurt you didn’t tell me. What did you think I’d do?’

Barry and Luke glanced at each other, and Iris saw such tenderness between them it made her heart stop for a beat. No one looked at her like that anymore. In fact, she often felt quite invisible. Even people on the street and shopkeepers didn’t really look at old people, and they were often the only people she saw during the day.

‘Come in and sit down, Mother,’ said Barry, finding his voice. He gave Luke the knife and he headed into the kitchen while Barry led her into the front room. He called it the lounge.

They sat together on the sofa. Barry held her hand, and Iris enjoyed the warmth of it. Touch was another thing she missed. It was the reason she’d got Charlie, but it wasn’t the same.

‘I’m sorry, Mother, I should have told you years ago but it never seemed to be the right time.’

Iris nodded.

‘I’m glad you know now though.’

She smiled at her son. Her adult son who had thought she would be angry or disappointed in him and the way he lived his life. If only he knew how much she loved him.

‘And I’m glad you know I know,’ she said, and leant back into the sofa, suddenly drained. His love life wasn’t the reason she’d come and she didn’t really know why she’d said what she had, but she had, and it was okay. But now she didn’t have the energy to say what had brought her here. It was enough, for now, to sit with her son feeling closer to him than she had for years. She felt as if the tapestry of her family had been unravelling all this time but now this part of it at least, was being woven back together. Laura was another matter entirely, but for this moment, she could enjoy being with Barry knowing that the biggest secret of his life was between them no more.

When Luke popped his head around the door and invited her to stay for dinner she could have kissed him.

Iris hadn’t eaten so well in years. Both Luke and Barry loved cooking, they told her in their new-found easiness. She learned more about her son in one evening than she had in the previous twenty years. He told her they often went away for weekends and stayed in country houses or cosy cottages, and they knew a lot about wine. Several years ago they had tried to adopt a baby. Iris was rather glad they hadn’t been successful – she was of the opinion that children needed a mother and a father, not two parents of the same sex. She knew she was old-fashioned, but that’s the way she was. So she said nothing in response to Barry’s revelation; tonight was not the time for discord.

It seemed there was no stopping Luke and her son from sharing memories now the secret was out. She felt safe and content in the web of their lives. They loved each other, that was evident. The knowledge made her feel both happy and lonely; she was glad Barry had found love in his life. She remembered what it was like to feel loved, but hadn’t experienced it for a long time. She’d wanted to die when Reg went, hadn’t thought she could carry on on her own. For months her life had been so many shades of grey with no flashes of colour to ease the crushing sadness. She had been angry with him for not warning her he was going to die so that she could have made plans too, but you just don’t know when your heart’s going to give out, do you? You don’t wake in the morning and think, I’m going to die today. My heart is going to beat its last. So she’d forgiven him for his thoughtlessness and raised her chin a little higher, taken some deep breaths and carried on, because that’s what you do.

Barry and Luke