Ingenious pain, Andrew Miller [little red riding hood ebook .txt] 📗

be there than Venice or Rome or any of the great cities of the South. We were all at supper when he made the suggestion and doubtless somewhat inflamed by his hospitality, which is never less than generous.

I say 'we' and should, as a matter of good manners, introduce the company. About, of course, and myself and Mme Duperon. In addition, an English couple by name of Featherstone whom we met last week in the Tuileries when About was able to assist Mr Featherstone, the latter having suffered the indignity of having his purse stolen. The matter was so happily resolved we agreed to visit Versailles, ensemble, that same afternoon. We did not see the King but saw some strange things in the menagerie, viz: a small black stag of China, a young elephant, and a rhinoceros with its horn broken. The Featherstones have been our companions ever since.

Mr Featherstone is a man of middle years, robust, wealthy I think, and very recently wed. His new consort is half his age, pertly pretty and I believe a very good match for him. They are honeymooning in Paris. He has been here before on business. She has never been outside of Hereford and is wondefully unimpressed by Gallic sophistication. At least once an hour she tells About, or Mme Duperon — who does not understand at all — that the place is full of vile odours and execrable manners. Even, it seems, in matters of fashion, the women of Hereford have it over their Parisian sisters. I must confess I find them somewhat

^wearing, though in my present state I find almost all company so, which indeed makes ME very tedious. Also perhaps a somewhat muddled correspondent. Was I not writing of Russia? Permit me to explain.

The whole matter was precipitated by this extraordinary race between the doctors. I feel sure your Ladyship will have read of it or heard talk of it. A - what is the collective noun for doctors? - say, a funeral' of physicians, has set out from London. They are to pass through Paris and afterwards Berlin on their road to St Petersburg where one of their number shall gain immortality by inoculating the Empress against the smallpox. The rules - Mr F is my informant - are these: the first into Paris will be the first to leave again the following day, his departure being as many hours ahead of the other competitors as was his arrival The same shall apply in Berlin after which they go pell-mell to St P's. There are receptions arranged both here and in Prussia with the British ambassadors, and when the first of the doctors came in today at the Place Royale there was a little crowd to receive him, though at least half of the locals appeared to be expecting one of the Kings mistresses.

It was more or less by chance we were there. Mr F wished to see the fortress of the Bastille which is no great way from Place Royale. Ten minutes after we entered the square a very dusty chaise bowled in with a most comically flamboyant postillion in a bright yellow coat, yodelling to the horses and cussing the crowd. The doors opened, we all craned our necks and down hopped Dr Dyer and his attendant, the doctor dapper as you like, the other with the expression of one who will never again be amused by anything in the world, which put me rather in sympathy with him!

The next in - though we did not see him come - was Dr Dimsdale, three hours after Dyer, and apparently already accusing the others of foul play. What sorry creatures we are! My companions, however, were very struck by the whole adventure,

still full of it when we gathered here at chez About for dinner. We were on the meat when M. About, in his most droll manner, tapped his glass with his ring and proposed our jaunt. He threw it off so lightly none of us I think took him at his word, but then he fixed us with such a questioning eye it began to dawn on me, and then on Mr F, that our host was quite in earnest.

It was Mrs F who took up the gauntlet, turning to her husband and seconding About's proposal. Mr F, no more than any new husband, cares to be seen as lacking in manly resolve, and thus met his wife's zeal with a greater one of his own. Then only your correspondent remained to be seduced. About addressed me in French, that we might have the privacy afforded by the Fs' ignorance of the language, and put it to me that a man in my condition could only benefit from the effect of such a journey, one to stimulate the body and rouse the mind with so many delightful impressions I should be quite freed of my present melancholy. He spoke so sympathetically, and as it seemed at the time, so wisely, I was, with the help of his cellar, won over.

Mr F then enquired when it was proposed we should set out. To our amazement About replied that it must be tomorrow morning, that he would take care of the arrangements and that all we needed to do was prepare our bags. We should buy all we needed on the way. No special preparation was necessary. We would follow the same route as the racing doctors, even perhaps contrive to arrive in St Petersburg before them!

lean only say that in the light of his candles the scheme appeared delightful and we admired ourselves greatly for having the bottom to undertake it with such a show of nonchalance. It is now, by my watch, a quarter before three in the morning. The city of Paris is quiet though I can see a boat gliding on the river and can hear what sounds to be the sobbing of a woman in the street below. I have become quite an