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across the snow.

EXACTLY 5:36,

TUESDAY, JANUARY 18TH

Kayla Zadambidge’s phone tells the time when I push a small button at the bottom of it. It also shows the exact date. It is all charged up now. Sometimes I wonder if I love dates and numbers because when I’m deep in my brain they help me remember where I really am. They are like handles I can use to pull myself back up.

The time right now is exactly 5:37 and I am on a path behind the woodpile.

I put the phone back in my coat pocket and keep going. The path is easy to see even though the sky is dark. Because the snow is bright. I walk for exactly nine seconds and then take the phone out and press the button and slide to the main screen. I touch the words Address Book.

I don’t know the names of the people listed there. One of them says “Mom” but I know that that isn’t Maura. One says “Dad” but I know that that isn’t Brian. One says “Grandma” but I know that that isn’t Grammy. I don’t see “Gloria” or “Rick” anywhere.

I put the phone away again. I have to go deep into the woods to call Gloria quickly because I don’t want them to see me. Brian and Maura won’t go in my bedroom right away but I think they might if they call me and I’m not there to answer. So I keep walking. The path turns. When I look behind me I don’t see the Blue House anymore. I don’t see the woodpile or anything.

In my backpack I have my videos. I have my DVD player too but nothing else. It’s all charged up just in case someone finds me. It is part of my secret plan. When I call Gloria I will have my movie playing. That way if someone finds me and says, “What are you doing in the woods, Ginny?” I can say, “I am watching a movie.”

That way I will be telling the truth. That way I will still be a good girl.

The snow comes up past my ankles. The air is so cold that the inside of my nose hurts and my eyes are watery. I walk over old tree trunks. I walk between rocks. I walk for nine seconds.

I put my backpack down in the snow and take my DVD player out. I put it on top of the backpack and take out The Sound of Music which is about a lady with short hair named Frogline Maria. I put the DVD in the DVD player and press the power button. The screen lights up. I see words on the screen but I’m so distracted and anxious that I can’t read them.

The moon is high up in the sky above me. It is as bright as the screen. I take out the cell phone. The time is exactly 5:39 now. I look inside my eyes and see Gloria’s number: 555-730-9952. I press the numbers and then I press the green button but I don’t hear a ringing sound. I press the red button and try again but I still don’t hear anything. Then I see that the phone says No Signal.

So I say, “Well dang!”

And slam the DVD player shut. I grab it and throw everything in my backpack. I pick my backpack up and put it on and start walking. Back the way I came.

But not to the Blue House.

Because I know that sometimes people walk on the road past the Blue House talking on their cell phones. I saw them do it when the weather was warmer. In the spring and summer and fall. I’m guessing they had a signal.

The time is 5:42.

I follow the path until I see the woodpile and the lights from the Blue House behind it. I walk around the house and up the driveway. When I get to the road I go left.

There are no streetlights because we live out in the woods. I see the sky and the moon above the road. I walk fast for another nine seconds and turn around.

The Blue House is still too close.

I walk fast for nine seconds more. The road turns. I go around the corner and look back. I don’t see anything. I take out the cell phone and call.

This time the phone is ringing. It rings four times and then Gloria picks up. “Hello?” she says.

“Hello, this is Ginny. I’m your daughter. Remember?”

“Ginny?” Gloria says. Her voice sounds just like it did five years ago when the police came to take me away and she said, “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry, Ginny!” but she is not screaming and I am not screaming either. I want to yell or grab my socks because I’m so excited but I can’t because I am walking on the icy road and I can’t see the edges. Plus I am worried that a car will come the other way. I am so excited and anxious that my name sounds like it’s not mine when Gloria says it.

“Ginny? Ginny?” says Gloria.

“Yes, I am here,” I say.

“Holy shit, Ginny, this is great! But how the hell did you get my number? This is a track phone. I only use it for business.”

I don’t know what a track phone is but I know that her business is selling Maine coons. “It was in Return of the Jedi,” I say.

“Return of the Jedi? You mean the movie?”

I nod my head yes.

“Ginny?”

“What?” I say.

“Who gave you my number? Holy shit!”

“Rick.”

“Rick? But that doesn’t make any sense. Oh, wait, yes, it does! He got my address from the police and came to talk with me a few weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers.”

That was not a question so I don’t say anything. I am still remembering the way Gloria’s voice sounds when her face is squashed.

She takes a deep breath. “All right, let’s focus. It’s great that Rick gave you my phone number, but I

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