The Hush Society Presents..., Izzy Matias [cat reading book .TXT] 📗

them live. Callum thinks I’ve got potential. If there is a silver lining in all this, it’s that Callum gave us a shout out in front of thousands of people because he believes in us.

I drag my feet to the van, but as soon as I approach, I sense that something is off. There are shattered bottles in front of the car hood. There is a dent in the trunk where the lock is. My hand—trembling—rushes to check its status. It’s unlocked.

I unlatch the doors and they fly open with a swift movement.

I cry out in despair.

It’s empty!

I grab a broken empty bottle beside the flat tire and throw it at a nearby tree. It shatters into a thousand pieces. I look down at my trembling, blood-stained hands and crumple to the ground, mud splashing on me. My mind is a blur of red and grey.

"Cameron!" Eric screams in alarm as he runs to me. "You all right?”

"It’s all gone," I shout. "Our gear has been nicked!”

"What?" He stares from the empty trunk to my bloodied hands, too stunned to say anything more.

"The van’s trashed," I point out. "Flat tire, dented, scratched."

Eric speed dials the rest of the lot to meet us at the van. "It’s an emergency. Yeah, I’ve got Cameron here. He’s all right. It’s the van. And our gear." He gives me a strong pat on the back and plops beside me. "Best of luck to us, eh?" he says and lights a cigarette. "You’ll want to get rid of the evidence." He teases as his head points to my bloodied hands.

"I didn’t trash our van," I growl.

"Oi! I didn’t say you did," Eric replies with an equally rough tone. "I was making light of the situation."

I curse. "Eric, this isn’t something you joke about!"

"Whaddya want me to do? Go on a fit, like you?"

I explode in a string of curses and get up.

"Where are you going?" he shouts back.

"None of your business!" I reply, storming off.

I don’t get that far before Cassie rushes towards me. She gasps as she spots my bloody hands. I expect her to cringe, but she doesn’t. She takes my bloody hands into her clean palms and caresses them with her fingers. "What happened?" she whispers, her eyes wide with shock.

I shake my head, suddenly ashamed of my outburst. She doesn’t deserve someone like me: an impulsive, chaotic git. I jolt my hands away from her. How can I mentor budding young musicians when even I can’t handle the constant rejection of this life? How can I be with Cassie if I keep reacting this way? She doesn’t need another disappointment in her life. I can’t even get my shit together when things go awry in my professional life. What will it be like arguing with her?

She deserves better. Someone that’s not me. What was I thinking that I am good enough for her? She is a brilliant light and I am but a black hole of self-sabotage.

"Yesterday was a mistake," I say finally.

Cassie’s face contorts as if she’s going to pounce. In an instant her anger is replaced with hurt. "Really?" she says with a flat tone. She waits.

"What?" I ask, with a lighter tone, but my lips are tight. She crosses her arms and sighs. "I can’t read your mind."

"You think I don’t deserve you," she says.

I nod, but stay silent. How does she do that?

"So you’re going to give up just like that? I thought this was your dream. Yes, it sucks that Lewis left you and now he’s at Willowfields, but you’re better off without him anyway."

I don’t reply. He is better off without me. I see that now.

"You’ve got to stop comparing your success to theirs. It’s a self-destructing pattern, Cameron."

What does she expect me to do? Be all right with this? Because it’s not all right. There’s no switch that I can turn on or off in an instant to let me get over everything that’s fucked up today.

"Nothing I do is ever enough," I shout. "Our gear’s been nicked. Maybe it’s the universe giving me sign to finally give this up. That it’s never going to work out!" I throw my hands up in the air, as if waving a white flag.

Benji and Ella’s stunned faces are mere meters away. "That’s it, then?" Benji says in a quiet tone. Angry. "It’s over?"

"I—" I don’t know what to say. My mates don’t need a bandmate as fickle as I am, but I’m so close to exhaustion that I have no energy left to explain.

"You’re giving up because you can’t handle the success of your ex-bandmate?" Benji says louder, fiercer. "You are gonna throw away the progress in the last couple of months because of what happened today? You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. What happened to the lad who was ready to take on the world? Were you just bluffing then?"

I shake my throbbing head.

"So you’re just giving up on us because you feel like an insecure little prat?" Benji continues and his comment sparks me off again.

"Shove off!" I yell and push him away.

"Your attitude is complete bullocks."

"Cameron," Ella warns, getting in between us.

"I said shove off!" I snap at Benji.

"Every time something goes wrong, you point the finger on everyone else but you."

I spit out a string of unintelligible words.

Benji bites back and adds, "I refuse to be treated like shite. Not from you. Didn’t you ever wonder why you’ve been kicked out of bands so many times?"

Ella takes a step back and gasps in surprise.

So that’s what he thinks of me then.

"Don’t bother talking to us if you’re going to act like an arse," Cassie says. "Don’t even bother coming to the music festival. I can't be with someone who isn’t willing to fight for what he wants."

And then, one by one, they leave me alone, in stunned silence. Just like I always knew they would.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

I force my eyes to stay shut once more, even if