A Special Place for Women, Laura Hankin [brene brown rising strong .txt] 📗

right, all right. Let’s just say that, at that point, our preferred candidate was down ten points in the polls, but things turned around for her after that.”

“You all were responsible for electing Nicole Woo-Martin?” I asked.

“We don’t want to say responsible,” Caroline said. “We just gave her a nudge.”

“Well, to call it a ‘nudge’ might be downplaying it,” Margot said.

“I would love to know what you do to make something like that happen,” I said, but neither of them answered. “I mean, I was so excited about her. It was a shame, how it all played out.”

“Yes, you have to be careful what you wish for,” Caroline said shortly. “That’s why we’re not doing things like that anymore.” Margot bit her lip. “On that note!” She turned to the rest of the group to get everyone’s attention. “Let’s discuss what we want to accomplish this Samhain.”

“Yes,” Margot said. “There are a lot of exciting possibilities.”

“I’ve been chatting with a bunch of you individually about your goals,” Caroline said, “and I’ve drawn up a list of our most promising ideas for the agenda.”

“The agenda?” Margot said under her breath, her dark eyebrows knitting together.

“A lot of you mentioned that you were hopeful about your career developments, so I propose that we concentrate this year on doing something that will support our individual successes.”

“Or,” Margot said, “we could think bigger, start getting back to the original goal—”

“I think it’s plenty big to focus on things like bestseller status for Iris’s book about body positivity, a promotion for Tara, more national recognition for Women Who Lead, and so forth. What do you all think about that?” The other women all chimed in enthusiastically. But not Margot and Vy. They were staring at each other, and they did not seem pleased at all. Margot opened her mouth to speak, but Caroline cut her off.

“Great!” Caroline said. “I’ll nail things down further in that direction, then.” She turned back to me and Margot. “And, Jillian, I’ll send you a packing list and all the other necessary details.”

“Cool, yeah. I can bring some booze. Ceremonial wine maybe?”

“No, we do not worship under the influence,” Caroline said. “That’s one of our most important rules. It can screw with the magic and make you take risks you shouldn’t. But if you want to bring a nice Tempranillo or something for after the circle, that could be lovely.”

“Got it,” I said.

Caroline glanced at Margot, registering her displeased expression, and said in a low voice, “Stop it. We’ve talked about this. We’re not getting careless again.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to be useless—”

Caroline ignored Margot and clapped her hands to get the group’s attention. “Now, for tonight, let’s do a spell for a successful and safe Samhain. Shall we prepare?”

As the other women began to build a fire, Margot turned away. I sidled up to her.

“You okay?”

“Mm. Fine.” She shook her head. “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask. How are things with Raf? Any . . . movement since the spell?”

My stomach dropped at the reminder. “Um,” I said. “He did tell me that he loved me.”

Margot’s face broke into a smile. “Good! I’m so glad.”

“But then we . . . we had a fight, so we’re taking a bit of time.”

“Oh no. A fight?”

“Things are just a little confusing.” I waved my hand through the air. “Let’s not talk about it now. Should we help build this fire or, I don’t know, smudge some sage or something?”

“I’m going to give you a spell,” Margot said. “To help you gain clarity. It’s helped me in the past.” She proceeded to explain it to me, intently, staring into my eyes, as the wood began to crackle and smoke, and the others arranged themselves in a circle.

“Thank you,” I said, and then in a lower voice, “But seriously, are you okay?”

“Imagine you had a direct line to God,” she said, putting a placid look on her face, though her tone was sardonic. “You knew that whatever prayer you sent up would be answered—true equality, say, or an incredible person being elected to lead the country—and you chose to pray that your famous friend’s book would sell. It would be pretty hard to look at yourself in the mirror after that.”

“Margot?” Caroline asked. “Come on. We’re ready.”

A look of annoyance passed over Margot’s features. Then she shook it off, took my hand, and we went to join the group.

THIRTY-SEVEN

The next day, I tried the spell that Margot had given me. For research purposes. Although if I happened to gain some clarity along the way thanks to the placebo effect, I would take it.

First, I grabbed an egg from the refrigerator. I held its cold, speckled shell to my forehead. Focus on the negative, confusing energy inside of you, Margot had said. Let it flow out of you and into the egg.

Why an egg? I’d asked.

It represents a fresh start.

Feeling faintly ridiculous, I rolled the egg down my nose, over my neck, and onto my chest. I rubbed it in three clockwise circles over my heart, thinking about the causes of my inner turmoil.

Miles’s face appeared in my mind. I’d finally texted him back earlier that afternoon. Sorry, I needed time to digest some things, I wrote. But I have updates for you. His response came immediately, suggesting that we meet up the next day. He could come to my place, he said, which was strange, since he’d previously made it clear that he didn’t think we should have business meetings in my bedroom.

New apartment now, I’d written, and it’s owned by Margot’s aunt, so it’s probably not the safest. We’d settled on a neutral location instead, one of those rent-by-the-hour meeting rooms in an office building. My heart thumped against the egg’s shell in anticipation.

No contact from Raf, or from Libby. Not that I actually expected it, but still, every time I glanced at my phone and didn’t see their names, a foolish burst of