I Am What I Am, John Barrowman [smart ebook reader .txt] 📗

I share a similar genetic code; yet I’m gay and he’s not. What I learned from this was that even if they do discover that ‘gay gene’, it may still be only one of many elements that make a man gay. What made Scott gay may not be the same combination of factors that made me gay.

One of the most fascinating revelations presented to me during the filming was this: the more boys a woman carries in her womb, the more likely she is to have a son who is gay. I was the third boy to occupy my mother’s womb.15 A number of my gay friends are the third or fourth in a family of boys. This is not to say that men who are the eldest and are gay can’t be explained. Their determining factors may just be a different mix.

I received lots of letters after The Making of Me aired in the UK and on BBC America, particularly from young men struggling with their sexuality and from parents of gay children, who were moved and pleased with the programme.

Simon from Leeds wrote a letter that was typical of the many I received from gay men. ‘I came out in 2003, and was basically snubbed by my family, who were unable to accept my sexuality. I was punished by parents who thought I was “making a choice” and intentionally trying to hurt them … I forced my mum to sit down with me and watch [The Making of Me]. Through tears and pain, we watched it, and slowly my mum has begun to accept that it is not embarrassing to have a gay son … Thank you for helping bring my family back together.’

And then a letter from April, who lives in Texas, and who sent this to me on Mother’s Day in 2009. April wrote that when her daughter was four, she had asked her, ‘What can I be when I grow up?’

April had replied, ‘Baby, you can be anything you want to be!’

‘Mommy, I want to be a boy.’

April told me that although she had accepted that she had a transgender daughter, she was having a difficult time understanding her daughter’s decision to begin the process of becoming a male. Then she came across The Making of Me on YouTube.16 April told me in her letter: ‘I was so moved and captivated that I asked my daughter to watch it with me. We would stop the video and laugh, then argue, then cry and hug.’

April closed her letter with this: ‘Some day, I will probably have to say goodbye to my baby girl. And when that happens, I will cry, be sad, and then put her pictures away. Then I will greet the son that will be coming into my life with open arms and a loving heart.’

I regard The Making of Me as one of my most important accomplishments. Letters like Simon’s and April’s reaffirmed why the documentary was important to do, and why, instead of going on another talk show and being silly and camping it up a little, I chose to explore this issue seriously and with respect. With programmes like this, I’m not helping anyone to be gay or trying to make them come out. Men like Simon are already gay, and the choice to come out is theirs and theirs alone. But, in my own way, I hope I’m helping them to be comfortable, confident, and accepting of themselves. Bottom line: I want to spread the word that being gay is normal.

In spring 2009, during an interview for a newspaper, the journalist asked me how old I was when I decided to be gay. Clearly, there’s still work to be done, and I’m honoured to do my part to educate and affirm whenever I can. I love being a gay icon17 and I love representing the gay community, and I hope I’m doing them proud. Nothing makes me smile more than when I speak to a young gay man or woman and he or she tells me that I really helped them to come to terms with their life. That’s absolutely brilliant.

Unfortunately, some latent prejudices still persist. Too often I’m described in the press or on TV as a ‘gay actor’, or a ‘homosexual entertainer’,18 and more recently I’ve noticed the word ‘flamboyant’ sneaking into introductions of me. This is a code word for ‘gay’. Unless I’m belting out ‘I Am What I Am’ in sequins and stilettos, or I’m dressed in a sparkling suit – with a belt with bling – for a Busby Berkeley number on Tonight’s the Night, I’m not flamboyant. Is Andy Roddick described as a straight tennis player? Angelina Jolie, a heterosexual actor? Bruce Willis, a straight leading man? I don’t think so; and unless Bruce Willis steps into a pair of Jimmy Choos and wraps himself in a feather boa, he’s not flamboyant, either.

Describing people in this way may be subtle,19 but it’s prejudice, and I’m not embarrassed to call people on their ignorance or to challenge them on their inaccurate perceptions. Now, a caveat here: if you find yourself in a situation where you may get hurt if you call attention to prejudiced behaviour, then absolutely do not. Be a man (or a woman) and walk away. But if you are in a situation where people are being derogatory, stand up for yourself. Call them on it. Sometimes when you do, they will apologize and admit to having not really thought about their language in that way before. When I called the journalist’s attention to the question about when I ‘decided’ to be gay, she apologized immediately.

I’ve always tried to apply this attitude in all spheres of my personal and professional life; I believe it’s important to do so. An experience I once had with the producers of a TV show is a good example of this. I was in my dressing room, watching movies and passing time with Clare, when one of the