Caught in Us (Caught Series Book 4), Kacey Shea [top 50 books to read .TXT] 📗

of denial—nothing’s wrong if no one can see it. Must be exhausting playing pretend, though I wonder if it’s second nature to her.

She’s not the only one with secrets to protect. I wonder if my father regrets living a double life, or if he would even apologize if he could speak.

My footfalls are the only sounds as I walk down the empty hall. I stop at his door, unsure whether I’m ready for this. There’s a swirling mix of anger, resentment, and longing I can’t fight. I want to hate him. That would be easier. He had this whole other secret life. Another family. Another daughter. I haven’t forgiven him, but I understand that right and wrong aren’t always black and white. Life is filled with gray, and if anyone can understand that, it’s me. As hard as it’ll be to walk inside his bedroom, it’ll be infinitely harder reuniting with the friends I cut out of my life years ago. I’m filled with my own sense of guilt, shame, for staying away so long.

When our plane landed there was a voice message from Jill waiting on my phone. She invited me to a luncheon they’re hosting tomorrow for all the out-of-town guests and the wedding party. I want to go. I can. It’s not as if my schedule is packed. In fact, it’s probably better I do attend rather than wait for her wedding day to introduce her to Matthew. Tomorrow will bring quite a shock, and while I could just call, after all these years it seems impersonal. There’s too much to catch up on. Too much time has passed. It’s strange, but with the distance I could pretend this part of my life—and the people I considered friends—never existed.

Maybe that’s why my father hid his other family in Spain all these years?

I wish I could ask.

I stop at his door, pausing only for a second before I knock softly and push it open.

Theresa, his nurse on duty, smiles warmly at my arrival. She closes her book and stands as I walk over to the hospital style bed.

“Hi, Daddy.” My voice breaks, cracking along with some of my nerves. I take in his appearance, wondering how it’s possible he looks more frail than when we video chat. It’s not as if this is a surprise. My brothers and I talk every week, but the reality of my father’s health hits differently seeing him in person. Despite all the therapies and treatments since his stroke, he hasn’t recovered and this man on the bed is a shell of the father who raised me.

“He’s having a good day,” Theresa says, her voice full of reassurance. “Slept really good too.”

“Good.” I force a smile that doesn’t feel right. Growing up, my father was larger than life. His presence was one of strength. Seeing him like this, his cheeks hollow from weight loss and body stiff from lack of movement, it’s as if he’s not really here, even though his body is. His eyes are clear but stare into nothing, not even acknowledging my presence.

“Would you like some time alone?”

I nod, unable to form words without breaking into tears. As she exits the room, I pull a chair close and take his hand in mine, the warmth of his skin calming my racing nerves. In my mind, I tell him everything. About today’s flight. How scared I am for this week. I tell him about Matthew, but it’s bittersweet. I always imagined my father would be the kind of grandpa to take his grandkids on trips and teach them how to play soccer like he did me and my brothers—but that reality isn’t possible. I mourn the life we should have had. I share my worries about Mom too.

I wish I could ask him so many things. “There’s so much I never said,” I whisper aloud. That’s the thing about regret, it weighs down your soul, heavy with the words you never said, the things you never did. It leaves questions unanswered. A frustrating, agitating clawing that never goes away.

That’s why I need to be here now. Life provides no guarantees and time is precious. I’m done wasting it. Done hiding behind fears. I need to come clean with my friends, introduce my son, and see Chase again. Even if it breaks my heart.

5

Chase

Cam and Jill’s wedding is being held at a quaint repurposed farm, a good thirty minutes outside of Richmond. Because of availability and schedules, they decided to hold the rehearsal on a weekday, meeting for lunch at one of their favorite barbeque joints before caravanning to the venue.

Which is why on this unseasonably warm autumn Tuesday, I find myself sipping a soda and chatting with my niece while we wait for the rest of their guests to arrive. Kenslee and I are perched at one of the high tops in the back corner of the room. Yes, I picked this spot so I had a constant view of the doorway. I want to see her before she sees me. I don’t know why it’s so important, but it is. I’m not even certain Alicia’s coming to the rehearsal lunch, but I know Jill invited her. I don’t know exactly how I’ll react to seeing her again, but my plan is to play it cool and let her set the pace.

Or at least keep up the appearance of cool. Inside, my stomach’s tied in knots and under the table, my knee won’t stop bouncing.

“Don’t you think that’s awesome?” Kenslee interrupts my spinning thoughts with her bright, bubbly tone.

“Hmm?” Fuck. I wasn’t paying attention. This kid can talk about video games for hours and while I’m all for gaming, the block-crap ones she plays hold zero interest for my brain.

“Uncle Chase! You weren’t paying attention again!”

“Sorry, Kenz. You lost me at the ultimate crafter glitch thingy. Now ask me about Grand Theft Auto and I’m your man.”

She rolls her eyes. “Momma won’t let me play that game. She says