Daddy's Girl: A Daddy Issues Novel, Rebel Wild [top 10 most read books in the world .TXT] 📗

“When I entered the room, I wasn’t a Dom. I was just Tristan, and he’s more…” I stop when I can’t think of a word.

“Emotional?”

“I guess that will do.” I laugh. “Yes.”

“I thought I wanted my Dom,” she says. “I thought he could take away the pain inside, but it’s still there.”

“Nothing will take it away,” I tell her, remembering how hard I tried not to deal with it when my dad died. “Your only option is to allow yourself to feel it and grieve for your dad. Only then will it lessen.” I shake my head at myself. This is a case of doing as I say and not as I do.

“I know I can’t run away from it,” she says. “But I don’t want to deal with it alone. My dad’s gone and I just feel so alone.”

“You’re not alone,” I tell her. “I’m here. I know I just fucked up, but I am here.”

“You didn’t fuck up alone. We both did.”

“Why didn’t you safeword?”

“I didn’t think I could. I asked for it. I didn’t think I had a right to say stop.”

“You always have the right to say no, Sydney. At any point, no matter what’s going on, it’s your right to say no.”

Images of those women invade my mind again, each one turning into Sydney, crying about how they couldn’t say no. The man at the defense table that was my father turns into me. I’m him. In the pit of my stomach, I always knew who I was and Sydney’s paying the price for it.

“Jesus, I’m so sorry,” he whispers.

“Me too,” I tell him. “I’m sorry I made that crack about your dad. Don’t hate me for it.”

“I don’t hate you. I hope you don’t hate me.”

I wince as I sit on my sore behind to look at him. I try to hide that it hurts, but he notices.

“Why would I?” I ask him.

“Sydney, what I did was wrong. I lost control, and I scared you. I made you run.”

“I wasn’t scared. I was…” I shake my head trying to think of the right word. “I was confused.”

He goes into my bathroom and comes back with the arnica cream.

“Lie down,” he tells me.

I do as he asks, lying down and turning on my belly. He pulls my pajamas down just enough to expose my butt.

“Sssss,” I hiss from the stinging cream. “I wish you knew how that felt.”

“I do,” he says, pulling my bottoms back up. “I’ve had it done to me a time or two.”

“You have?”

“Every Dom needs to know how it feels to be hit so they’ll know how far to take it.”

“Right,” I say, sitting up again.

“Tell me what you need, Sydney? How can I help you?”

“I don’t know. I just don’t know anything anymore.”

“Know that we are all here for you,” he tells me and I nod.

“I think maybe I should try to sleep some more.” I get up again to pull my covers back, getting into bed.

“I’ll leave you to it,” he says, tucking me in. “I’m right downstairs if you need anything.” I nod, closing my eyes.

As soon as he leaves the room, the loneliness overtakes me. I toss and turn for the better part of an hour but sleep never comes. I don’t want to disturb him at this point, so I stay put until I hear the familiar sound of his voice coming from downstairs. It calls to me like it always does and I can’t help but go to him. Without stopping, he slides over, making room for me on the couch.

“Did I wake you?” He asks as he turns his hand palm up to hold mine.

“I can’t sleep. I’m so tired, but I just can’t sleep.”

“Come on,” he says. Still holding my hand, he leads me to his bedroom and puts me in his bed. “Here, take this,” he says, putting a small white pill in my hand. I put it in my mouth as he hands me a glass of water.

“It’s a sedative my mother suggested,” he explains. “It should help you sleep.”

I lay my head on his pillow. He hands me my rabbit and I smile embarrassed, but I gladly take him. I hope he plans to stay with me and I’m happy when he gets into bed beside me and pulls me close.

“Sir?” I call to him.

“Hmm?”

“I know how you can help me.”

“I’m listening.”

“Well, I thought I needed you to be a Dom, but I think just… regular you… would be better for me, right now, at least. I just want you to be like you were back at Carmel-by-the-Sea and like you are when we’re having dinner or working together in the library.”

I can’t deal with the stress of my dad along with the submission and him being a Dom. It’s all too much right now.

“Whatever you need, Sydney. Sleep now.”

When I feel his arm snake around me, my body relaxes enough to let the pill work and I fall asleep.

Three Days Later

“Where the hell are you going with this?” I ask my quack therapist as I sit across from him at his desk.

“I think the question’s clear,” he says. “How did it make you feel when you were punishing Sydney?”

“I didn’t pause to analyze my feelings at the time.” I snipe at him.

“Then, by all means, let’s do so now.”

He pisses me the fuck off sometimes.

“I felt high.”

“High?” He says, unable to hide the surprise in my answer.

“That’s what I said.”

“Like you’d finally gotten your fix?” He asks and I nod.

“But that was short-lived.”

“Yes,” he says, reading through his notes. “She ran from you and barred you from her room for a moment.” I sigh, wanting to know why we have to keep rehashing this shit. He’s been at it for three damn days. “And you haven’t been in the playroom since?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Her father died.”

“Yes, that is a shame, but it has little to do with her contractual obligation to you. Unless