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house comes into view. I’m already fantasizing about climbing into bed and staying there until work in the morning, but when I pull further into the driveway and glance toward the back door, I have to do a double-take.

There’s a figure perched on the steps and I’m finally able to make out the features of the small blonde whose eyes just lit up seeing me. Shock has me convinced I’m imagining things because she’s made it a point to stay away so long.

“You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

As if she’s just heard me utter those words, my mother—The Great Houdini of Cypress Point, Master of the Disappearing Act—is on her feet and walking toward my car before I can even put it in park. Even from here, I can tell she’s pretty messed up. It looks like she hasn’t showered in days, if not weeks, and the scabbed over wounds on her face are telling of what her poison of choice has been this time around.

I stare at her and, surprisingly enough, I feel nothing. For almost a year now, I’ve waited for her to come home, but not like this. Not looking like this.

I step out and she puts on a fake smile. “Hey, Blue Jay! It’s so good to see you.”

She’s trailing me to the back door because I’m not stopping for her. I’ve chased her my whole life and those days are over.

“Aren’t you gonna say something? I’ve missed you girls so much.”

“So much that you’ve been gone almost an entire year?” I snap, spinning on my heels to stare her straight in the eyes.

She’s at a loss for words and I reel my emotions in. She’s not worth that.

“You can’t be here,” I say. “The last thing I need is for Scar to see you like this.”

She glances down, looking herself over as I do the same, realizing just how far she’s fallen in such a short time.

“I know I’m a bit of a mess right now, but that’s because I’m in kind of a bad way. And… I was kind of hoping you could help me with that,” she starts, and before she can even finish her speech, I’m rolling my eyes.

“Of course, that’s why you’re here,” I sigh. “Why else would you come back? It’s not like you’re supposed to be a mother or anything.”

She steps back, glaring with offense. “Supposed to be a mother?”

“There’s no way you’re offended by that,” I scoff. “You missed both mine and Scar’s birthdays, you abandoned her, abandoned me, and left me to carry everything by myself. And the only reason I’ve heard from you at all is because you need money.”

I try to walk away, knowing I’ll say things I can’t take back if I don’t.

“Just a small loan. Nothing you’d miss,” she begs.

I stop and pivot toward her again, feeling like there’s actual fire beneath my skin when I lay eyes on her.

“I hate you!”

Those words tumble out, echoing into the night and I know I should regret letting them slip, but I don’t. Because they’re true.

“You are the worst piece of shit I’ve ever met in my entire life,” I add. “What kind of human leaves her kids to fend for themselves in a world like this?”

Tears sting my eyes, but they’re steeped in anger and hatred, not sadness.

“You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know,” she confesses, her timid voice barely louder than a whisper. “I failed you kids. No one’s more aware of that than me.”

“And yet, you continue to only come around when you need something.”

She lowers her gaze then, staring at the flip-flops that are doing nothing to shield her feet from the snow-covered ground.

“If I could take back everything with Hunter, I’d do it in a heartbeat.”

She says those words as if they should mean something to me, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“I never should’ve gotten him involved. He wanted to help out more, bring more money into the house, but I had no clue what they’d do to him.”

I dash toward her, taking her unfamiliarly thin arm in my hand.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

She seems surprised by the hard look set on my face, but she needs to know I’m not letting go until she explains herself.

“He… he wanted to earn some quick cash. The kind of cash that could’ve changed our lives,” she says. “So, since Paul and I go way back, I reached out to him. Your brother was already working with the Ruizes, but I let Paul know Hunter was ready for something bigger—a more important role in the business.”

By her and Paul going ‘way back’, she means he used to be her supply guy back in the day, before he was promoted within the family ranks by Augustin years ago.

Tears slip from her eyes and she tries to squirm out of my grasp.

“Mom, what the hell did you do?”

Shaking her head like a terrified toddler, she tries pulling away again. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”

I don’t have time for her antics, so I squeeze tighter. “What the fuck did you do to Hunter?”

This time, I scream at her louder than I mean to. My concern isn’t that I’m considering her feelings, but because I’d prefer for strangers not to hear our conversation.

“I talked Paul into taking Hunter in deeper, giving him more responsibility. Then, before we knew it, Hunter said Paul found him a spot moving cargo,” she explains.

Cargo—there goes that damn word again.

“Hunter was so, so excited. Paul wanted to train him in the new business, so he was supposed to keep him under his wing for a week to learn the ropes, but within two days, the cops were knocking at our door, saying Hunter got arrested for killing that Robyn girl.”

I can’t even see straight I’m so pissed at her. “So, Hunter being in jail is your fault?”

Suddenly, something Ricky said to me months ago made perfect sense. When I blamed him

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