Shirley, Charlotte Brontë [free children's ebooks online .txt] 📗

man’s brain, not with mine. She has such generous yet soft fire in her eyes. She smiles⁠—what makes her smile so sweet? I saw that Robert felt its beauty, and he must have felt it with his man’s heart, not with my dim woman’s perceptions. They look to me like two great happy spirits. Yonder silvered pavement reminds me of that white shore we believe to be beyond the death-flood. They have reached it; they walk there united. And what am I, standing here in shadow, shrinking into concealment, my mind darker than my hiding-place? I am one of this world, no spirit⁠—a poor doomed mortal, who asks, in ignorance and hopelessness, wherefore she was born, to what end she lives; whose mind forever runs on the question, how she shall at last encounter, and by whom be sustained through death.

“This is the worst passage I have come to yet; still I was quite prepared for it. I gave Robert up, and gave him up to Shirley, the first day I heard she was come, the first moment I saw her⁠—rich, youthful, and lovely. She has him now. He is her lover. She is his darling. She will be far more his darling yet when they are married. The more Robert knows of Shirley the more his soul will cleave to her. They will both be happy, and I do not grudge them their bliss; but I groan under my own misery. Some of my suffering is very acute. Truly I ought not to have been born; they should have smothered me at the first cry.”

Here, Shirley stepping aside to gather a dewy flower, she and her companion turned into a path that lay nearer the gate. Some of their conversation became audible. Caroline would not stay to listen. She passed away noiselessly, and the moonlight kissed the wall which her shadow had dimmed. The reader is privileged to remain, and try what he can make of the discourse.

“I cannot conceive why nature did not give you a bulldog’s head, for you have all a bulldog’s tenacity,” said Shirley.

“Not a flattering idea. Am I so ignoble?”

“And something also you have of the same animal’s silent ways of going about its work. You give no warning; you come noiselessly behind, seize fast, and hold on.”

“This is guesswork. You have witnessed no such feat on my part. In your presence I have been no bulldog.”

“Your very silence indicates your race. How little you talk in general, yet how deeply you scheme! You are farseeing; you are calculating.”

“I know the ways of these people. I have gathered information of their intentions. My note last night informed you that Barraclough’s trial had ended in his conviction and sentence to transportation. His associates will plot vengeance. I shall lay my plans so as to counteract or at least be prepared for theirs⁠—that is all. Having now given you as clear an explanation as I can, am I to understand that for what I propose doing I have your approbation?”

“I shall stand by you so long as you remain on the defensive. Yes.”

“Good! Without any aid⁠—even opposed or disapproved by you⁠—I believe I should have acted precisely as I now intend to act, but in another spirit. I now feel satisfied. On the whole, I relish the position.”

“I dare say you do. That is evident. You relish the work which lies before you still better than you would relish the execution of a government order for army-cloth.”

“I certainly feel it congenial.”

“So would old Helstone. It is true there is a shade of difference in your motives⁠—many shades, perhaps. Shall I speak to Mr. Helstone? I will, if you like.”

“Act as you please. Your judgment, Miss Keeldar, will guide you accurately. I could rely on it myself in a more difficult crisis. But I should inform you Mr. Helstone is somewhat prejudiced against me at present.”

“I am aware⁠—I have heard all about your differences. Depend upon it, they will melt away. He cannot resist the temptation of an alliance under present circumstances.”

“I should be glad to have him; he is of true metal.”

“I think so also.”

“An old blade, and rusty somewhat, but the edge and temper still excellent.”

“Well, you shall have him, Mr. Moore⁠—that is, if I can win him.”

“Whom can you not win?”

“Perhaps not the rector; but I will make the effort.”

“Effort! He will yield for a word⁠—a smile.”

“By no means. It will cost me several cups of tea, some toast and cake, and an ample measure of remonstrances, expostulations, and persuasions. It grows rather chill.”

“I perceive you shiver. Am I acting wrongly to detain you here? Yet it is so calm⁠—I even feel it warm⁠—and society such as yours is a pleasure to me so rare. If you were wrapped in a thicker shawl⁠—”

“I might stay longer, and forget how late it is, which would chagrin Mrs. Pryor. We keep early and regular hours at Fieldhead, Mr. Moore; and so, I am sure, does your sister at the cottage.”

“Yes; but Hortense and I have an understanding the most convenient in the world, that we shall each do as we please.”

“How do you please to do?”

“Three nights in the week I sleep in the mill⁠—but I require little rest⁠—and when it is moonlight and mild I often haunt the Hollow till daybreak.”

“When I was a very little girl, Mr. Moore, my nurse used to tell me tales of fairies being seen in that Hollow. That was before my father built the mill, when it was a perfectly solitary ravine. You will be falling under enchantment.”

“I fear it is done,” said Moore, in a low voice.

“But there are worse things than fairies to be guarded against,” pursued Miss Keeldar.

“Things more perilous,” he subjoined.

“Far more so. For instance, how would you like to meet Michael Hartley, that mad Calvinist and Jacobin weaver? They say he is addicted to poaching, and often goes abroad at night with his gun.”

“I have already had the luck to meet him. We held a long argument together one night.