More, Sloan Parker [guided reading books TXT] 📗

"No. That's—"

"You start living a decent life or"— he stalked closer to me—"I swear to God I will track you down and take away every lover you ever have. I'll make them see who you are. I'll make them hate you. I'll make your life a living hell."

"Why?” My voice squeaked with the one word. I swallowed and tried to sound stronger. “Why do you hate me?"

He dropped into the desk chair and hung his head in his hands. I wanted to beat on him until he told me why. Until he brought Tim back.

When he lifted his head, his eyes were filled with tears. “There are many things I want, son. Ways I can help make people's lives better. I can do great things with my life. But you... you are the one thing I've done that's going to fuck it all up. Tell me, why should my life suffer because of you?"

"My life has nothing to do with yours."

"That's not how the world works."

"Get the fuck out of here."

"I'm not going anywhere until you make me a few promises."

"No.” I shook my head. “I hate you!"

He stood and stepped closer. “I hate what you are.” He went for the door. “I warned you.” He walked out and slammed the door shut behind him.

Chapter Thirty

A chill raced over my skin as I repeated my father's final words, everything he and Tim had said still powerful enough it slashed at the edges of my heart. I shivered.

Richard pulled me closer against the heat of his body, and a low growl sounded from deep in his chest. Matthew's hands kept moving over me as I heard him fight back tears.

My pain hurt them, pained them. It reminded me yet again the kind of men they were and how lucky I was to have found myself wrapped up in them. They held me tighter, and I let my body relax and warm under their touch.

“I didn't see either of them again. My father's had me followed for years, always wanting to know where I'm living, what I'm doing. It's this constant reminder. I knew Tim left me— said those things to me— because of what they did to him, but I still managed to blame myself. I thought clinging to him, wanting him, loving him, had made him hate me. And my father... he hated me because of who I was. I couldn't change that, couldn't change me.

“But I did change. I loved Tim, and when he was gone, I became bitter, angry. I became someone else. I promised myself certain things and made up the rules I've lived by since then. Tim was the only man I've ever been with more than once. Until you two.”

Richard stroked my shoulders and back. “You didn't deserve what either man did to you, none of it. Your dad is a dickhead.”

Matthew nodded. “A big dickhead.”

“He's the one who's wrong,” Richard said. “He's the one who should hurt, not you.”

“I know. Logically, I know that.” I couldn't bring myself to tell them everything— who my father was, that he had loftier plans than being a senator, that he might have been responsible for another man's death.

If they knew it all, they might ask me to leave. They might not want the kind of trouble a presidential campaign could bring— the kind of trouble my father could bring. Not when the whole world would judge us. Not when my father would hate them.

I was still lying to them. Why can't I give them everything?

Richard pulled back to look at me. “What does it mean to you that your father doesn't approve of you being gay?”

“That he's a conservative prick who can't think past his own needs or wants. Fuck. What do you want me to say? That I can't be worthy of his love because I'm sinful and evil in his eyes? That if the people who brought me into this world can hate me, then anyone can hurt me?” I gripped Richard's forearm. “When I let you tie me up, I wish you'd make it hurt more. I want my wrists to chafe. I want the knots to cut into my skin. I need the pain. But since I've met you two, I haven't had enough. I beg you to make it tighter and you won't. I wanted you to hit me. I needed it.”

The color drained from Richard's face. “I won't hurt you.”

How many times had he said the same words? And every damn time it hurt to hear. “And now you won't tie me up, right?”

“Not when you give me reasons like those. I can't do that to you.”

“Shit. I don't think I can be here with the two of you and have you love me. I always wanted a threesome so there'd be more of everything. More touching, more fucking, and more pain when it was over— every time reminding me I could never have anyone more than once, reminding me there'd be more pain the longer I knew someone, the closer I got.”

Matthew's hands stilled their caresses. “Have we caused you pain?”

“God, no. It's why I needed something physical. I nearly exploded without it. In the end, the only hurt came from hearing my father tell me what I feared— that I'd lose you. The closer we got, the more I knew I'd lose in the end. I always lose in the end.”

Richard gripped my shoulders. He shook me. “Not this time. We aren't letting you destroy us or yourself.”

I let my head fall to his shoulder. “But he'll show you. He'll show you who I am.”

“We already see you.”

Matthew kissed the back of my neck. “And we love you.”

I took the soft kisses they planted all over my body and accepted them into my mouth, hungry for them. “I need you. Don't let me leave.”

Richard kissed me and wrenched the three of us around until we lay on the bed, my back pressing into the mattress, his body