He Who Gets Slapped, Leonid Andreyev [great novels to read .txt] 📗

that your father is just a charlatan? Consuelo Oh! Don’t say that⁠—Father is such a dear. Baron Did you like the jewels? Consuelo Yes, very much. I was very sorry when Father told me I must return them. He said it would not be nice for me to keep them. I even cried a little about it. Baron Your father is only a beggar and a charlatan. Consuelo Oh, no, don’t scold him⁠—he loves you so much. Baron Let me kiss your hand⁠— Consuelo Oh, no, it isn’t proper! One may kiss the hand only when one says how do you do or goodbye. But in the meantime you can’t. Baron Everybody is in love with you, that is why you and your father make such a fuss about yourselves. Who is that new clown they call He? I don’t like him, he’s too shrewd a beast.⁠ ⁠… Is he in love with you, too? I noticed the way he looked at you.⁠ ⁠… Consuelo Laughing. Nothing of the kind. He is so funny! He got fifty-two slaps yesterday. We counted them. Think of it, fifty-two slaps! Father said, “if they had only been gold pieces.” Baron And Bezano, Consuelo.⁠ ⁠… Do you like him? Consuelo Yes, very much. He is so good-looking. He says that Bezano and I are the most beautiful couple in the world. He calls him Adam, and me Eve. But that’s improper, isn’t it? He is so improper. Baron And does He speak to you very often? Consuelo Yes, often.⁠ ⁠… But I don’t understand him. It seems as if he were drunk. Baron “Consuelo”!⁠ ⁠… It means in Spanish⁠ ⁠… Consolation. Your father is an ass.⁠ ⁠… Consuelo, I love you. Consuelo Talk it over with Father. Baron Angry. Your father is a swindler and a charlatan. He should be turned over to the police. Don’t you understand that I cannot marry you? Consuelo But Father says you can.⁠ ⁠… Baron No, I cannot. And what if I shoot myself? Consuelo, silly girl, I love you unbearably⁠ ⁠… unbearably, do you understand? I am probably mad⁠ ⁠… and must be taken to a doctor, yanked about, beaten with sticks. Why do I love you so much, Consuelo? Consuelo Then, you’d better marry. Baron I have had a hundred women, beauties, but I didn’t see them. You are the first and I don’t see anyone else. Who strikes man with love, God or the Devil? The Devil struck me. Let me kiss your hand. Consuelo No. She thinks a while and sighs. Baron Do you think sometimes? What are you thinking about now Consuelo? Consuelo With another sigh. I don’t know why, I just felt sorry for Bezano. Sighs again. He is so nice to me when he teaches me⁠ ⁠… and he has such a tiny little room. Baron Indignant. You were there? Consuelo No. He told me about it. Smiling. Do you hear the noise in there? That’s He getting slapped. Poor thing⁠ ⁠… although I know it doesn’t hurt, it’s only make-believe. The intermission is coming soon. The Baron throws away his cigar, takes two quick steps forward, and falls on his knees before the girl. Baron Consuelo⁠— Consuelo Please, don’t. Get up. Please leave my hand alone. Baron Consuelo! Consuelo Disgusted. Get up please, it’s disgusting⁠—you’re so fat. The Baron gets up. Voices are heard near the door and in the ring. It is the intermission. The clowns come first, talking cheerfully and excitedly. He leads them, in his clown’s dress, with painted eyebrows and white nose; the others are applauding him. Voices of the actors calling: “Bravo! He.” Then come the actors and actresses, riding-masters, and the rest, all in costume. Zinida is not among them. Papa Briquet comes a little later. Polly A hundred slaps! Bravo, He! Jackson Not bad, not bad at all. You’ll make a career. Tilly He was the Professor today, and we were the students. Here goes another! Gives him a clown’s slap. Laughter. All bid good evening to the Baron. He is politely rude to these vagabonds who bore him, and remains silent. They seem quite used to it. Enter Mancini. He is the same, and with the same cane. Mancini Shaking hands. What a success, Baron⁠—and think of it⁠—how the crowd does love slaps. Whispering. Your knees are dusty, Baron, brush them off. The floor is very dirty in here. Aloud. Consuelo, dear child, how do you feel? Goes over to his daughter. Sound of laughing, chattering. The waiters from the buffet in the lobby bring in soda and wine. Consuelo’s voice it heard. Consuelo And where is Bezano? He Bows before the Baron, affecting intimacy. You do not recognize me, Baron? Baron Yes I do. You are the clown, He. He Yes I am He Who Gets Slapped. May I presume to ask you, Baron, did you get your jewels back? Baron What! He I was asked to return some jewels to you, and I take the liberty of⁠—The Baron turns his back on him⁠—He laughs loudly. Jackson Whiskey and soda! Believe me, ladies and gents, He will surely make a career. I am an old clown, and I know the crowd. Why today, he even eclipsed me⁠—and clouds have covered my Sun. Striking it. They do not like puzzles, they want slaps! They are longing for them and dreaming about them in their homes. Your health, He! Another whiskey and soda! He got so many slaps today, there would be enough to go round the whole orchestra! Tilly I bet there wouldn’t! To Jackson. Shake! Polly I bet there wouldn’t⁠—I’ll go and count the old mugs. A Voice The orchestra did not laugh⁠— Jackson Because they were getting it, but the galleries did, because they were looking at the orchestra getting slapped. Your health, He! He Your’s Jim! Tell me, why didn’t you let me finish my speech⁠—I was just getting a good start. Jackson Seriously. My friend, because your speech was a sacrilege. Politics⁠—all right. Manners⁠—as much as you want. But Providence⁠—leave it in peace. And believe me, friend, I shut your mouth in time. Didn’t I, Papa Briquet? Briquet Coming