Freelance On The Galactic Tunnel Network, E. Foner [the unexpected everything txt] 📗

century, when over a quarter of the world’s government debt was already yielding real negative returns.”

“You would think so,” Lena said. “But you’re using a lot of financial terms that may be difficult for our viewership to understand, so perhaps you could give an example?”

“Certainly. The particular issuance we purchased, in addition to carrying a negative coupon rate of 0.1%, sold at auction to institutional buyers at a premium of almost two percent, due to high demand.”

“A premium is the opposite of a discount, meaning you paid more than the face value?”

“Exactly. I have the numbers right here. We paid just under one hundred and two francs per one hundred francs of face value for our ten-million-franc bond. For the last hundred years, we have been submitting annual payments to the Swiss treasury of ten thousand francs, the coupon interest we owed them for borrowing our money.”

“So if I’m doing that math correctly, first you paid almost two hundred thousand francs for the privilege of loaning the Swiss government your ten million, and since that time, you’ve paid out another million francs because of the negative coupon rate. Your original ten million franc investment has lost twelve percent of its value, not counting inflation.”

“Very good,” Matteo praised the teenage reporter. “If you’re interested in a job when you finish school, please come and see me. But keep in mind that had there been deflation, we might have come out ahead.”

“But there wasn’t deflation.”

“No, rather the opposite, I’m afraid, though nobody could have predicted the Stryx opening Earth and bringing us onto their tunnel network. Still, I like to think the fact that the one-hundred-year issue was oversubscribed says a great deal about the creditworthiness of the Swiss government. We can also boast being one of the few nations on Earth that remained fully independent and retained more than half of our pre-Opening population.”

“That is much better than the international average,” the girl agreed. “Technical language aside, can you tell our viewers why supposedly sophisticated investors were so eager to buy debt that paid negative interest rates back before the Stryx opened Earth?”

“I’ve made a study of the period and the answer is surprisingly simple,” Matteo said. “The prevailing economic theories of the time all made the fatal assumption that investors are rational actors who think through the consequences of their decisions. In reality, investors just follow the herd.”

The teen nodded her head in agreement, and then said, “This is Lena, reporting for the Children’s News Network in Zurich. Over to you in Paris, Samantha.”

Instead of Samantha in Paris, a furry alien resembling a giant bunny appeared, and he seemed to be having trouble breathing. The Grenouthian news presenter struggled mightily to compose himself, but his lips were still trembling with suppressed mirth when he began to speak.

“And there you have it, straight from the Human’s mouth,” the presenter said. “Negative coupon rates on government bonds, Earth’s contribution to financial engineering. Turning to news from more serious species, in Verlock—”

Roland waved the hologram out of existence and turned back to Walter and Chastity.

“We’ve already contacted CNN for the print rights to Lena’s interview,” Walter said. “Those kids have a nose for stories like that.”

“I’m sure you know that we negotiated deals with the Earth’s surviving news syndicates not long after I started the Galactic Free Press,” Chastity told Roland. “Unfortunately, most of the papers supporting those syndicates have since gone bankrupt.”

“If you’re about to say that you’re opening an Earth bureau and you want me to be the head, I’d rather stay on Union Station and take a pay cut to work for EarthCent Intelligence,” Roland told them. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I have a thing about Earth.”

“Don’t worry,” Walter said. “For the time being, we’re focused on expanding our relationship with the Children’s News Network and the student newspapers. But you know that the maximum age of their reporters is eighteen, so using them as investigative journalists is out of the question.”

“I see,” Roland said. “Is this about the young woman who came in yesterday?”

“Who was that?” Chastity asked.

“Georgia Hunt. She grew up on Earth, even went through the New University system there, and she just made the move to freelance because she wants to do investigative journalism.”

“Our local food writer? But I count on her for reviews of all the new restaurants that open here. They come and go so fast.”

“I agreed to buy any food stories she sends in while she’s pursuing her big story,” Roland said. “Georgia told me she was leaving Union Station right after lunch, so I’m afraid we’re too late if you wanted to offer her an Earth assignment.”

“I think she’ll need a little seasoning first,” Walter punned, drawing a groan from both the publisher and the freelance editor.

“We’ve put together a list of the journalists from Earth whose stories we ran over the years,” Chastity continued. “If you have a freelancer with business sense headed that direction, we’ll pay a bonus for contacting the names on the list to see if they’re interested in forming a group to work with us. I’d rather subsidize a new independent syndicate until they can get on their feet than open a permanent office of our own on Earth.”

“Got anybody in mind for the job?” Walter asked the freelance editor.

“How about Ellen?” Roland suggested. “She came up through the student newspapers while her parents were working on a Dollnick ag world, and she’s been freelancing for us the last ten years to supplement her trading income.”

“She wrote the series of articles we ran last year about longevity treatment scams,” Chastity recalled.

“That’s her. She’s tough as they come, and she would have won our investigative journalist of the year award if Andreas hadn’t uncovered that price-fixing scandal involving mercenary contractors.”

“Isn’t