The Other Side of the Door, Nicci French [new reading .TXT] 📗

‘The point is that you remembered there was a vase and I didn’t remember and then later Neal realized it wasn’t possible . . .’

I glanced at Neal. I was making a mess of this.

‘You were there before,’ Neal cut in. ‘That’s what Bonnie’s trying to say. We know you were. You saw the vase lying on the floor, but later I took it away with me. You were there before Bonnie and before me.’

‘But you pretended to be surprised,’ I said. ‘You pretended you’d never been there.’

She looked calm, far calmer than me or Neal. ‘What do you want me to say?’ she said.

‘You lied,’ I said. ‘You were there. You knew everything and then—then you let me believe you were shocked but trying to help me.’

‘That’s not what’s important,’ said Neal. ‘The only thing that matters is that you killed Hayden.’

Sonia closed her eyes. She seemed to be thinking. When she opened them again she looked first at him and then, for a longer moment, at me. She nodded. ‘Yes, I did.’

‘And?’ I said. ‘You can’t just say that. Why did you do it?’

‘I should have said this earlier.’ Her voice was quiet but still steady. She spoke slowly, as if she was considering each word, making sure it was correct. ‘I knew you and Hayden were together. It wasn’t a very secret secret. And I knew he’d hit you.’

‘What’s that got to do with anything?’

‘I never really liked him in the first place. On the Friday at the rehearsal, when you had that bruise on your neck and seemed so subdued and unlike yourself, I asked myself what I should do about it. As your close friend. As someone who cared about you, loved you, and hated to see you putting up with treatment you should have reported to the police. In my opinion, he was abusing you.’

‘It wasn’t like that.’

‘It never is. So, immediately after the rehearsal, I went round to see him, to tell him I wouldn’t stand by and see him hurting you. Do you really want to hear this?’

‘I think we’d better,’ said Neal.

‘All right. I got to the flat and he let me in. He was a bit drunk, although it was still early. About six, I think. He didn’t seem surprised to see me, and he didn’t really seem to listen to what I said.’ She paused and swallowed. ‘He kept smiling at me, as if he was taunting me. It was horrible and it also made me feel scared of him. Then he grabbed hold of me. I didn’t know what he was going to do. I thought he might attack me or even try and kiss me or something. I struggled, tried to get away. Things got knocked over, smashed. I could hear this horrible noise around me of things breaking and me shouting—and suddenly everything was out of control and I was very frightened. I reached out and tried to grab something, anything. I found I had the vase in my hand and I swung it at him and it hit him on the head and he staggered and fell over and he must have hit his temple on the corner of the table because he was lying on the floor and not moving. He was dead. I’d killed him.’

‘And then I rang you.’

‘I’d just got home when you called and asked for my help.’

‘That was a bit of a problem for you,’ said Neal. He was tapping his fingers against the steering-wheel and frowning.

‘It was like a sick joke,’ said Sonia.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘That it was me who’d killed Hayden?’

‘Yes. Why did you go through that whole awful pretence?’

‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I’d done it for you. Maybe I was letting you help me in return.’

I opened my window and let the cool damp air in. ‘So Neal thought I’d done it and cleared away evidence. I thought Neal had done it and called you to get rid of the evidence. I thought you thought I’d done it and were doing me a huge, unimaginable favour. And all the time you were the one who’d done it and . . .’ But I couldn’t continue. My body felt as though it was coming apart. My head rang and my eyes stung and I found that little snorts were coming out of my nostrils.

‘Let’s get out,’ said Sonia. ‘Get some fresh air.’

The three of us walked down to the side of the canal. For several minutes none of us spoke.

‘What are you going to do now?’ asked Sonia, finally.

‘You mean, about knowing you killed Hayden?’

‘Yes.’

‘What should I do? Go to the police?’

‘When you thought it was Neal . . .’

‘When I thought Neal had done it for me, I cleaned up after him. Now we know it was you, we’ve already done the cleaning up. There’s nothing left to do, is there?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You should have said.’

‘Would it have made it easier?’

‘What were you thinking, all this time? What did you think when I called you to help me get rid of the body?’

‘I was surprised.’

‘Surprised?’

‘I’m not very good with words,’ said Sonia. Her voice trembled and I realized that, for all her calm, she was deeply shaken. ‘What do you want me to say? I was completely shocked, stunned. I don’t know. Like an abyss opening up at my feet.’

‘Why did you not say anything when you realized what Bonnie and I had both been assuming?’ asked Neal. ‘When you understood what had been going on?’

‘I don’t know. It was too late.’

‘But you must have thought—’

‘I don’t know!’ shouted Sonia. ‘Don’t you understand? I don’t know. I can’t say anything else. I don’t know. I’m sorry. I did it for you and I don’t know why I didn’t say.’

‘Look at us,’ I said. ‘Three fools.’ I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. ‘And three friends,’ I added. ‘What we’ve all been through for each other.’

‘We did it for you,’ said Neal.

Suddenly I felt cold and sober and very