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clear about what you are. Or what you can do.”

“So that makes it okay for them to interfere with my life?”

“You have the ability to phase between objects,” Kai snapped. His fist pressed against the floor. “The only beings with that ability are the Sisterhood. Do you have any idea how hard Gran and I had to fight to keep you out of the hands of the Dominion?”

It had occurred to me when they suddenly deployed all those Nephilim guards that something screwy was happening. It didn’t change anything for me.

“Why should I have to suffer because some really old, out-of-touch, supernatural jerks are a little bit scared? They probably should have thought about that before they had the Sisterhood murdered.”

“For goodness sake! Most of the same Council members weren’t appointed back then. We’re being assassinated now. This kind of thing hasn’t happened since The Fall. They have a right to be a little rattled.”

“And I have a right not to care.”

“You do care, Blue.”

“No, I don’t.”

“If you didn’t, you’d be with the Sisterhood right now. You’re so angry you were ready to leave. But you haven’t even considered joining them. You and I both know that’s the reason why you’ve been so difficult to train. You might be physically small, but your magic resists the idea of being tamed.”

I shoved that thought to the side. It didn’t bear thinking about at the moment. “What about any of this changes the fact that you didn’t tell me about Nanna?”

“This isn’t just about you and me.”

“Bull. You’ve demonstrated that you’ll defy the Council if and when it suits you. What makes this different? This is definitely about me.”

He scrutinised the pattern on the carpet. This was also about him. About who he was at his core. A protector. Deep down, I knew he wasn’t the type to make arbitrary decisions. Which meant there was something more.

“What haven’t you told me?”

He blinked slowly. I’d never seen him so closed-off before. “If you don’t tell me, I’m never going to trust you again.”

His head turned away, as though he was weighing up the consequences. “I’m handling it.”

“I don’t need you to protect me!” I was the one leaning forward now.

“Blue…”

“Kai!” It was a command.

He sprang from the floor onto the bed. I was ready for it but chose not to engage. He gripped my hand. I gripped back. If I flinched now, he would get all protective and close up. Kai swallowed. “It’s your magic,” he said. “Your magic is what’s keeping your Nanna from recovering who she is.”

38

I didn’t think I heard him right. At the same time, I knew I had. It wouldn’t sink in. “What are you talking about?”

He held on tighter. I couldn’t breathe. My mind revisited the moment when I’d touched the aura around Nanna. Blue. The messy thread around her had been blue.

“I don’t understand it,” Kai said. His speech was urgent. “I’ve never seen anything like it before. I’ve tried to heal it, to break it, to rearrange it. Nothing has helped.”

A tear trickled down my cheek. I was hurting her. I was the reason why she couldn’t remember.

Kai leaned in. His muscles contracted like he was uncertain how I would react to being touched. It was disconcerting how well he knew me. Without knowing it, I had curled myself into a tight ball. I was definitely transmitting hands-off vibes.

It was all too surreal. I pinched myself just to make sure this wasn’t a nightmare. If I was indeed in the psychiatric hospital, I wouldn’t be getting out of there any time soon.

Scrubbing my face with my palm, I bit back a sob. Crying hadn’t exactly been helping. I wracked my brain for any idea that might help. The only inkling I had was that in order to save Nanna, I might have to get close to the Sisterhood. Nobody knew souls like they did.

My eyes closed. I wanted to go back to a time when the only thing I had to worry about was where my next meal was coming from. No sooner had the thought popped into my head did I recoil.

In that alternate path to my life, Nanna had been imprisoned. I had no money, no friends, no power, and no hope. It hit me then just how ungrateful I was being. I wasn’t helpless. If there was a way to help Nanna, I was in the best possible place for that to happen. I was also done being afraid of all these people who were trying to use me for their own purposes.

My eyes snapped open. “Do you think you can convince your grandmother to let me have one more meeting with Skander?”

Kai sat back on his haunches. “I’m not sure.”

“Try.”

“What for?”

“Because I asked you! Because you lied to me about my nanna!”

I might have had an epiphany, but it didn’t mean I’d forgiven him. Sensing when he should cut his losses, Kai promised that he would try. He didn’t touch me again before he left. I was glad. It was all too raw right now.

He turned his head just as he was leaving. “You know you can always trust me?”

“I think the issue is that you don’t trust me.”

“That’s not true.”

“Sure it is. You don’t trust me not to survive without your help. But believe me, if there’s one thing I don’t want, it’s to die.”

A strange look settled over his face, but he left without a word.

Three days later he left me a bulletin in the mirror to let me know he’d gotten the go ahead for the visit. I met him and Astrid in the portal field.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked. “I don’t want –”

He was lucky he’d stopped. I didn’t really care what he wanted. It just highlighted his inability to allow me to make my own mistakes. Not that I was relishing the thought.

We landed in the same cell as usual. Today, Giselle appeared slightly harassed. Her hair was out of place and

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