Gifting Fire, Alina Boyden [books to read for self improvement .txt] 📗

I hadn’t heard any cries from the tower, any trumpets sounding, so the dripping must not have been as loud as I’d imagined it, but even if I did make it to the top undetected, I still wasn’t sure what I was going to be able to accomplish. Even though guards were rarely as well trained as princes, three grown men, armed and armored, would make for a fearsome set of opponents for me. I’d trained hard as a prince, but that was years ago now, and yes, I’d killed in the interim—once. And that had been some poor conscripted farmer who had been half-asleep at the time. What was I going to do against three alert men? I still didn’t have an answer to that question, and I was halfway up the tower.

My mind spun itself in circles, imagining a half dozen possibilities as I felt for some new decoration I could cling to in order to lever myself up that little bit higher. I could shove one man off the tower, punch a second with my katars, and then the third would be alert, but he’d be alone. That might work. It’d make noise, but I didn’t see any way around that now. If I could clear this tower, it might give the Zindhis a chance to get their boat up to my balcony.

And then what? Without me there to lower the ropes, or to tell Hina to do it, how were we going to get the men onto the balcony? Maybe she would do it herself? She was smart, she knew the plan. But even if that worked, what was I going to do? Did I really believe that after I killed three guards nobody was going to think to look for me as I crawled slowly along the wall back to a second tower to repeat the feat?

And even if I did manage to—my hand slipped in midthought. I squeezed hard with my left hand, my right dangling free, my legs burning as I engaged every muscle from my hips to my toes, struggling to pin myself against the wall. My heart was like thunder in my ears, and I was shocked I hadn’t screamed in surprise. I was too high up to survive a fall. Stupid. I should have been focused on the climb. It was too dark to see what I was doing. I had to grab something fast, because I could feel my left hand starting to pull away from the slippery, smooth-glazed lotus it was holding.

I slapped the wall with my right hand, my fingers curling into a claw, my nails scraping the sandstone until they hit a tiny ledge. It was barely a fingerbreadth deep, but it was enough that I could pull against it with the muscles of my right arm, giving my left a little bit of relief.

I gasped for air, trying to keep it quiet, but the burning in my lungs was so urgent that it overpowered everything else. I hugged the wall, pressing my cheek against it as my body shuddered from pain and exhaustion and fear and the desperate need for air. And in the midst of all that, one thing leapt immediately to mind. I missed Arjun.

What a stupid thought. I was moments away from getting myself killed from distraction, and that was what my brain came up with?

I was tired. That was the other thing that entered my mind. I was tired of fighting all the time. I was tired of everything being such a struggle. I’d thought that was over after Bikampur, but then Karim had showed up, and this was even worse, even more hopeless. I was tired of being responsible for Sakshi and Lakshmi, tired of always having to have all the answers, tired of being constantly on my guard.

And I was physically tired too. My muscles were aching. My fingers hurt. And even if I succeeded here, there was every chance that Lakshmi would die anyway. I’d rather have died than live to see what became of her when Ahmed got word of what I’d done. If I’d thought for an instant that begging Asma would have saved Lakshmi’s life, I might have just climbed to the top of the tower, surrendered to the guards there, and thrown myself on my knees in front of her. But I knew better. I’d backed myself into a corner with this plot. Either I would win it all or I would lose it all. There would be no quarter given or taken. If I gave up here, Lakshmi died, it was as simple as that.

I gritted my teeth and pulled.

She was not going to die. Her akka was not just going to give up and let that happen to her, not while she could still draw breath. If I had to swim the four hundred miles to Ahura, then I would swim. I wasn’t going to leave her for Karim and Ahmed. She was counting on me. She trusted me. She believed in me. And so did Sakshi. And so did Hina. And Arjun and Sunil Kalani and Sanghar Soomro. They were all counting on me. Maybe I could have failed myself, but I wasn’t going to fail them.

My hand hit the top of the tower, and I eased myself up until I could peek through the knee-high railing that surrounded the chhatri. The three guards were still standing together in the center of the dome, chattering away in Mahisagari, looking at one another. There was no way to attack one without the others seeing, and they had toradars in their hands. I didn’t think they’d be able to get a shot off, not at such close range, but fourteen pounds of steel and wood makes for a pretty brilliant club, and that they would be able to accomplish.

I hesitated, but not from fear or doubt. I had to get this right. For Lakshmi. I couldn’t fail here. Not now. Not when I