Something Old, Rebecca Connolly [ebook reader for laptop TXT] 📗

his hip with the other. “One I had heavily invested in. All of the inventory is lost, the business going into full bankruptcy. I had to salvage what I could to be sure we could still invest in our other ventures, that the mines would not suffer because of it, or the shipping company, or our estates, or anything else that requires investment of capital we no longer have. I had to… there was so much…” He trailed off, his expression falling. “I couldn’t let it happen again, Lily. I couldn’t.”

“We,” Lily repeated simply, smiling sadly. “You kept saying we, but I didn’t know about any of this. You didn’t tell me what the trouble was. I have never known what it was that came between us, and I thought it was behind us. Then this…” She shook her head. “I cannot bear it again, not after Cornwall. I will not, Thomas. You cannot tell me that you love me and then shut me out of your life and say you are working for us. If we are doing anything, it would require both of us to take part. And you won’t let me.”

Thomas took two steps toward her, anguish written in his face. “I couldn’t burden you again, Lily. Not again. I couldn’t take your dowry again. I couldn’t bear to see what I’d worked so hard to repair become undone.”

“I was not speaking of money,” Lily told him, her voice raising with her emotion. “It was never about the money. I couldn’t care less about that, then or now. I just wanted you. And I wanted you to want me. But for the right reasons.”

“I always wanted you for the right reasons,” Thomas said, taking another step, his hands falling weakly to his sides. “I just went about it the wrong way. I married you for the wrong reasons.”

One tear began to trickle down her cheek “Do you regret marrying me, then?”

He shook his head, his throat working on a swallow. “No. Never. I regret why. But even with all of that… having this much of you has been better than having nothing at all.”

“So you won’t come with me?” Lily asked, feeling like this was the farewell she hadn’t wanted.

He wanted to say yes, she could see it in his eyes. Yet he said nothing. He stared. He hesitated.

And that was answer enough.

Lily sniffed back the tears that were falling freely now. “Then I will go alone. For now. I’ll stay with Julia for a time.”

“Stay at Pendrizzick,” he ground out roughly, his voice clogged. “My offer was accepted. It is ours now.”

Wetting her lips, Lily nodded. “Thank you, and I’m sorry.”

Thomas started to extend his hands as though to take hers, then lowered them again. “So am I.”

This time, she believed the apology. And this time, he was not referring to just the matter at hand.

Lily closed the distance between them and gently pressed her lips to his cheek, then moved around him, her fingers brushing his as she passed. She closed her eyes on more tears as she reached the stairs to the first floor and began her descent, distracting herself by placing her bonnet on her head and fumbling for the ribbons.

She could do this. She could take a stand against money coming between her and her husband again. She could find a way to be at peace on her own while her husband stayed in London. She could…

She gasped shakily as she reached the bottom stair, her tears threatening to choke her. She could not leave things as they had, as though they truly were parting forever.

They both needed to hope.

“I’ll be waiting at Pendrizzick,” Lily called up, praying Thomas had not returned to his study. “Whenever you are ready to come to me.”

It was as close to a confession of love as she dared go at this moment, fearing anything further would keep her in London, when in her heart, she knew there was nothing to be gained by that.

She prayed it would be enough.

“The carriage is ready, madam,” Sutton told her from the door, gesturing faintly. “Cook has packed a basket for you.”

Lily nodded and flung her cloak around her shoulders, letting her tears continue to fall. “Thank her for me, won’t you, Sutton?”

“Yes, madam.”

She exhaled slowly and strode for the door and the carriage beyond. It was time to return to Cornwall. Alone.

Life without Lily was meaningless.

That was what he had learned in the days following her departure. Everything had been according to the exact schedule he had kept ever since the mill had been lost, except now he did not see her at meals.

That was all. And that was enough.

The loss of her was compounded by the fact that he could not now mend what he’d been idiotic enough to break once more. He could not find her in the parlor or the music room and fall to his knees before her to ask for forgiveness. He could not kiss her hands in apology, could not make her blush from praise, could not find any reason at all for bothering with his day-to-day life.

Even when she was gone, Lily was everything. Yet he had forgotten her. Again. If ever he needed the proof that he was unworthy of his wife, it was before him now.

The gall of it was that his finances would actually be fairly well recovered in a few months, if all went well with the other investments. Not as satisfactory as before, but certainly in a respectable place, all things considered. Mr. Tremellion had been magnanimous in his reply to Thomas’s letter explaining a delay in the payment for Pendrizzick and had even gone so far as to recommend his son-in-law as a financial advisor to him, should he have any interest. Thomas had written the man that very day.

He still had a great deal of work to do before he could claim full solvency, but the panic behind his