The Road to Rose Bend, Naima Simone [jenna bush book club .TXT] 📗

Before he could reply—could lie—and tell her she was wrong, she shook her head, holding up a hand, palm out.

“No, I don’t want to hear that I’m wrong. You wouldn’t just be lying to me, you would be deceiving yourself. Cole, did it ever occur to you that I would understand?” She lowered her arm, wrapping it around herself. “Just like our wedding night, if you’d only talked to me, I would’ve told you I’m okay with not living here. I get it. I don’t even know how comfortable I would’ve been making this place my home. This was yours and hers, together. A place of love and hope. I don’t want to take that away, or Tonia and your son away, from you. I don’t want to erase them. I don’t even want to take her place in your heart. I just want you to put me next to them. Make room for me. But you won’t share. You’re locked inside your grief, your pain and anger. And for a little while I thought maybe being there for you...loving you, could free you. But I can’t. Nothing and no one can but you.”

I thought maybe being there for you...loving you, could free you.

Loving you...loving you...

“No,” he whispered. Then louder, hoarser. “No.”

“Yes,” she said, sadness darkening her eyes even more. Sadness and a firm resolve. “I love you. Even though the most foolish thing a woman can do is fall for a man who isn’t willing to invest all of himself, I did it. I became that foolish woman. Oh, don’t worry.” Another sardonic smile dipped in weariness. “I don’t expect you to return the words or the sentiment. And I’m not telling you this to emotionally blackmail you, either. It’s my choice to let you know that you aren’t a rebound for me. You’re not just an impulsive whim. You’re not just the man who gave me his name in a bargain. You’re my heart, my gift. And I need someone who will see me that way, too. For so long, I’ve been second place in people’s hearts, their Plan B. With my parents, with Daniel. Even with myself. And now you. I competed with a ghost for my parents’ love for too many years to count. I won’t do the same with you. Not anymore.”

“Sydney, what are you saying?” he demanded, taking those steps forward that he promised himself he wouldn’t. Clutching her arms when he ordered himself not to.

But she didn’t wrench away. She didn’t encircle him with her arms either. And only when she didn’t, did he realize how much he’d come to rely on her welcoming embraces. Her warm, affectionate smiles. Her unrestrained passion. His body and his soul cried out for their return.

But his mind knew they were already gone. They were no longer his to claim.

“I’m saying I can’t live in your world of fear with you. You’re so afraid of what has happened, what could happen, that you refuse to live. To love. I adore you, Cole, but I want freedom to love and be loved in return, not just for myself, but also for my little girl. We both deserve that.” She stepped back, forcing his hands to fall away. “Goodbye, Cole.”

“Sydney, don’t do this. Please,” he pleaded. Yes. Pleaded. He didn’t care. He couldn’t return to the darkness, the loneliness. The emptiness. Not again.

“Oh, Cole,” she breathed, pain spasming across her expression. She cradled his cheek and he turned into her hand, pressing his lips to the palm. She touched him. He shivered, hope rekindling. “Can you tell me you love me? Keep the house, I don’t care. But do you love me?”

He parted his lips, prepared to shove the words out if she just wouldn’t leave him. If she would stay and beat back the abyss. But the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t say them. They lodged in his throat, and he choked on them.

She dropped her hand, agony flashing in her brown eyes before her lashes lowered. Shutting him out.

“Goodbye,” she whispered, then walked away.

Dimly, he heard the front door shut. But he still couldn’t move. Remained rooted, staring at the mantel packed with pictures of the family he’d lost.

While his mind remained fixed on the one he’d let walk away.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

SYDNEY CLIMBED THE steps to her parents’ home.

Had it only been a little less than two months since she’d returned to Rose Bend? Since she’d first shown up here on her parents’ doorstep? It was like déjà vu. Only then, her heart hadn’t been shattered into so many pieces they resembled grains of sand. Then, she’d been single, looking forward to the birth of her child and being a present, caring parent. Now, she was married, on her way to her second divorce and concern for her daughter was the only thing keeping her sane.

Funny how she’d returned here of all places. The inn with Leontyne and Moe would’ve made more sense. Or even Cecille and a tub of her favorite ice cream. But she’d left that house, that sad museum standing as a living memory to a life two years in the past, and had driven around for hours. When she returned to town, the only thing she’d wanted was her mother.

Sighing, she knocked on the door. Moments later, it opened and when her mother stood in the entryway, Sydney barely restrained the impulse to fling herself into her arms. God, how she longed to revert to that eight-year-old who could go to her mother and hug her, knowing murmured words of comfort and encouragement would be given without reserve. When was the last time she’d laid her head against her mother’s shoulder and leaned on her? Too many years ago to count. Too many hurts, harsh words and disappointments inflicted to number.

“Hey, Mom,” she said instead. “Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Her mother stepped aside, a small frown wrinkling her brow. “Is everything okay? You look upset. Is