The School for Scandal, Richard Brinsley Sheridan [i am reading a book .TXT] 📗

epub:type="z3998:persona">Snake. Lady Sneerwell, I am very sorry you have put any farther confidence in that fellow. Lady Sneerwell Why so? Joseph Surface I have lately detected him in frequent conference with old Rowley who was formerly my father’s steward, and has never, you know, been a friend of mine. Lady Sneerwell And do you think he would betray us?? Joseph Surface Nothing more likely; take my word for’t, Lady Sneerwell, that fellow hasn’t virtue enough to be faithful even to his own villany.⁠—Ah, Maria! Enter Maria. Maria, my dear, how do you do?⁠—what’s the matter? Maria Oh! there is that disagreeable lover of mine, Sir Benjamin Backbite, has just called at my guardian’s with his odious uncle, Crabtree⁠—so I slipt out and ran hither to avoid them. Lady Sneerwell Is that all? Joseph Surface If my Brother Charles had been of the party, madam, perhaps you would not have been so much alarmed. Lady Sneerwell Nay, now you are severe; for I dare swear the truth of the matter is, Maria heard you were here. But my dear, what has Sir Benjamin done that you should avoid him so? Maria Oh He has done nothing⁠—but ’tis for what he has said: his conversation is a perpetual libel on all his acquaintance. Joseph Surface Ay, and the worst of it is there is no advantage in not knowing him; for he’ll abuse a stranger just as soon as his best friend: and his uncle’s as bad. Lady Sneerwell Nay, but we should make allowance; Sir Benjamin is a wit and a poet. Maria For my part, I own madam, wit loses its respect with me, when I see it in company with malice. What do you think, Mr. Surface? Joseph Surface Certainly, madam; to smile at the jest which plants a thorn on another’s breast is to become a principal in the mischief. Lady Sneerwell Pshaw! there’s no possibility of being witty without a little ill nature: the malice of a good thing is the barb that makes it stick. What’s your opinion, Mr. Surface? Joseph Surface To be sure madam: that conversation where the spirit of raillery is suppressed, will ever appear tedious and insipid. Maria Well I’ll not debate how far scandal may be allowable; but in a man, I am sure it is always contemtable. We have pride, envy, rivalship, and a thousand motives to depreciate each other; but the male slanderer must have the cowardice of a woman before he can traduce one. Reenter Servant. Maria Madam, Mrs. Candour is below, and, if your ladyship’s at leisure, will leave her carriage. Lady Sneerwell Beg her to walk in.⁠— Exit Servant. Now, Maria, however here is a character to your taste; for though Mrs. Candour is a little talkative, everybody allows her to be the best-natured and best sort of woman. Maria Yes⁠—with a very gross affectation of goodnature and benevolence, she does more mischief than the direct malice of old Crabtree. Joseph Surface I’ faith that’s true, Lady Sneerwell: whenever I hear the current running against the characters of my friends, I never think them in such danger as when Candour undertakes their defence. Lady Sneerwell Hush!⁠—here she is!⁠— Enter Mrs. Candour. Mrs. Candour My dear Lady Sneerwell, how have you been this century?⁠—Mr. Surface⁠—what news do you hear?⁠—though indeed it is no matter, for I think one hears nothing else but scandal. Joseph Surface Just so, indeed, ma’am. Mrs. Candour Oh Maria! child⁠—what, is the whole affair off between you and Charles?⁠—His extravagance, I presume⁠—the town talks of nothing else. Maria I am very sorry, ma’am, the town has so little to do. Mrs. Candour True, true, child: but there’s no stopping people’s tongues. I own I was hurt to hear it, as I indeed was to learn, from the same quarter, that your guardian, Sir Peter, and Lady Teazle have not agreed lately so well as could be wished. Maria ’Tis strangely impertinent for people to busy themselves so. Mrs. Candour Very true, child: but what’s to be done? People will talk⁠—there’s no preventing it. Why it was but yesterday I was told that Miss Gadabout had eloped with Sir Filagree Flirt. But, Lord! there’s no minding what one hears; though to be sure I had this from very good authority. Maria Such reports are highly scandalous. Mrs. Candour So they are, child⁠—shameful, shameful! But the world is so censorious no character escapes.⁠—Lord, now who would have suspected your friend, Miss Prim, of an indiscretion? Yet such is the ill-nature of people, that they say her uncle stopped her last week, just as she was stepping into York diligence with her dancing-master. Maria I’ll answer for’t there are no grounds for the report. Mrs. Candour Oh, no foundation in the world I dare swear: no more probably than for the story circulated last month, of Mrs. Festino’s affair with Colonel Cassino⁠—though, to be sure, that matter was never rightly cleared up. Joseph Surface The license of invention some people take is monstrous indeed. Maria ’Tis so; but in my opinion, those who report such things are equally culpable. Mrs. Candour To be sure they are; talebearers are as bad as the tale-makers⁠—’tis an old observation, and a very true one: but what’s to be done, as I said before? how will you prevent people from talking? Today, Mrs. Clackitt assured me, Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon were at last become mere man and wife, like the rest of their acquaintance. She likewise hinted that a certain widow, in the next street, had got rid of her dropsy and recovered her shape in a most surprising manner. At the same time Miss Tattle, who was by affirmed, that Lord Buffalo had discovered his lady at a house of no extraordinary fame; and that Sir Harry Bouquet and Tom Saunter were to measure swords on a similar provocation.⁠—But, Lord, do you think I would report these things? No, no! talebearers as I said before, are just as bad as the tale-makers. Joseph Surface Ah! Mrs. Candour, if everybody had your forbearance and good nature⁠— Mrs. Candour I confess, Mr. Surface I cannot bear to hear people attacked behind their backs; and when ugly circumstances come out against our acquaintances I own I always love to think the best.⁠—By the by, I hope ’tis not