Etiquette, Emily Post [read people like a book txt] 📗

in babyhood. Not only must children obey, but they must never be allowed to "show off" or become pert, or to contradict or to answer back; and after having been told "no," they must never be allowed by persistent nagging to win "yes."

A child that loses its temper, that teases, that is petulant and disobedient, and a nuisance to everybody, is merely a victim, poor little thing, of parents who have been too incompetent or negligent to train it to obedience. Moreover, that same child when grown will be the first to resent and blame the mother's mistaken "spoiling" and lack of good sense.

Fair Play

Nothing appeals to children more than justice, and they should be taught in the nursery to "play fair" in games, to respect each other's property and rights, to give credit to others, and not to take too much credit to themselves. Every child must be taught never to draw attention to the meagre possessions of another child whose parents are not as well off as her own. A purse-proud, overbearing child who says to a playmate, "My clothes were all made in Paris, and my doll is ever so much handsomer than yours," or "Is that real lace on your collar?" is not impressing her young friend with her grandeur and discrimination but with her disagreeableness and rudeness. A boy who brags about what he has, and boasts of what he can do, is only less objectionable because other boys are sure to "take it out of him" promptly and thoroughly! Nor should a bright, observing child be encouraged to pick out other people's failings, or to tell her mother how inferior other children are compared with herself. If she wins a race or a medal or is praised, she naturally tells her mother, and her mother naturally rejoices with her, and it is proper that she should; but a wise mother directs her child's mental attitude to appreciate the fact that arrogance, selfishness and conceit can win no place worth having in the world.

Children At Afternoon Tea

A custom in many fashionable houses is to allow children as soon as they are old enough, to come into the drawing-room or library at tea-time, as nothing gives them a better opportunity to learn how to behave in company. Little boys are always taught to bow to visitors; little girls to curtsy. Small boys are taught to place the individual tables, hand plates and tea, and pass sandwiches and cakes. If there are no boys, girls perform this office; very often they both do. When everybody has been helped, the children are perhaps allowed a piece of cake, which they put on a tea-plate, and sit down, and eat nicely. But as the tea-hour is very near their supper time, they are often allowed nothing, and after making themselves useful, go out of the room again. If many people are present and the children are not spoken to, they leave the room unobtrusively and quietly. If only one or two are present, especially those whom the children know well, they shake hands, and say "Good-by," and walk (not run) out of the room.

This is one of the ways in which well-bred people become used from childhood to instinctive good manners. Unless they are spoken to, they would not think of speaking or making themselves noticed in any way. Very little children who have not reached the age of "discretion," which may be placed at about five, possibly not until six, usually go in the drawing-room at tea-time only when near relatives or intimate friends of the family are there. Needless to say that they are always washed and dressed. Some children wear special afternoon clothes, but usually the clean clothes put on at tea-time go on again the next morning, except the thin socks and house slippers which are reserved for the "evening hour" of their day.

Children's Parties

A small girl (or boy) giving a party should receive with her mother at the door and greet all her friends as they come in. If it is her birthday and other children bring her gifts, she must say "Thank you" politely. On no account must she be allowed to tell a child "I hate dolls," if a friend has brought her one. She must learn at an early age that as hostess she must think of her guests rather than herself, and not want the best toys in the grab-bag or scream because another child gets the prize that is offered in a contest. If beaten in a game, a little girl, no less than her brothers, must never cry, or complain that the contest is "not fair" when she loses. She must try to help her guests have a good time, and not insist on playing the game she likes instead of those which the other children suggest.

When she herself goes to a party, she must say, "How do you do," when she enters the room, and curtsy to the lady who receives. A boy makes a bow. They should have equally good manners as when at home, and not try to grab more than their share of favors or toys. When it is time to go home, they must say, "Good-by, I had a very good time," or, "Good-by, thank you ever so much."

The Child's Reply

If the hostess says, "Good-by, give my love to your mother!" the child answers, "Yes, Mrs. Smith." In all monosyllabic replies a child must not say "Yes" or "No" or "What?" A boy in answering a gentleman still uses the old-fashioned "Yes, sir," "No, sir," "I think so, sir," but ma'am has gone out of style. Both boys and girls must therefore answer, "No, Mrs. Smith," "Yes, Miss Jones." A girl says "Yes, Mr. Smith," rather than "sir." All children should say, "What did you say, mother?" "No, father," "Thank you, Aunt Kate," "Yes, Uncle Fred," etc.

They need not insert a name in a long sentence nor with "please," or "thank you." "Yes, please," or "No, thank you," is quite sufficient. Or in answering, "I just saw Mary down in the garden," it is not necessary to add "Mrs. Smith" at the end.

Etiquette For Grown Children

Etiquette for grown children is precisely the same as for grown persons, excepting that in many ways the manners exacted of young people should be more "alert" and punctilious. Young girls (and boys of course) should have the manners of a gentleman rather than those of a lady; in that a gentleman always rises, relinquishes the best seat and walks last into a room, whereas these courtesies are shown to, and not observed by ladies (except to other ladies older than themselves).

In giving parties, young girls send out their invitations as their mothers do, and their deportment is the same as that of their débutante sister. Boys behave as their fathers do, and are equally punctilious in following the code of honor of all gentlemen. The only details, therefore, not likely to be described in other chapters of this book, are a few admonitions on table manners, that are somewhat above "kindergarten" grade.

The Graduating Tests In Table Manners

A young person may be supposed to have graduated from the school of table etiquette when she, or he, would be able to sit at a formal lunch or dinner table and find no difficulty in eating properly any of the comestibles which are supposed to be "hurdles" to the inexpert.

Corn On The Cob

Corn on the cob could be eliminated so far as ever having to eat it in formal company is concerned, since it is never served at a luncheon or a dinner; but, if you insist on eating it at home or in a restaurant, to attack it with as little ferocity as possible, is perhaps the only direction to be given, since at best it is an ungraceful performance and to eat it greedily a horrible sight!

Asparagus

Although asparagus may be taken in the fingers, don't take a long drooping stalk, hold it up in the air and catch the end of it in your mouth like a fish. When the stalks are thin, it is best to cut them in half with the fork, eating the tips like all fork food; the ends may then be taken in the fingers and eaten without a dropping fountain effect! Don't squeeze the stalks, or hold your hand below the end and let the juice run down your arm.

Artichokes

Artichokes are always eaten with the fingers; a leaf at a time is pulled off and the edible end dipped in the sauce, and then bitten off.

Bread And Butter

Bread should always be broken into small pieces with the fingers before being eaten. If it is to be buttered (at lunch, breakfast or supper, but not at dinner) a piece is held on the edge of the bread and butter plate, or the place plate, and enough butter spread on it for a mouthful or two at a time, with a small silver "butter knife." Bread must never be held flat on the palm of the hand and buttered in the air. If the regular steel knife is used, care must be taken not to smear food from the knife's side on the butter. Any food that is smeared about is loathsome. People who have beautiful table manners always keep their places at table neat. People with disgusting manners get everything in a horrible mess.

The Management Of Bones And Pits

Terrapin bones, fish bones and grape seed must be eaten quite bare and clean in the mouth, and removed one at a time between finger and thumb. All spitting out of bones and pits into the plate is disgusting.

If food is too hot, quickly take a swallow of water. On no account spit it out! If food has been taken into your mouth, no matter how you hate it, you have got to swallow it. It is unforgivable to take anything out of your mouth that has been put in it, except dry bones, and stones. To spit anything whatever into the corner of your napkin, is too nauseating to comment on. It is horrid to see any one spit skins or pits on a fork or into the plate. The only way to take anything out of your mouth is between first-finger and thumb. Dry grape seeds or cherry pits can be dropped from the lips into the cupped hand. Peaches or other very juicy fruits are peeled and then eaten with knife and fork, but dry fruits, such as apples, may be cut and then eaten in the fingers. Never wipe hands that have fruit juice on them on a napkin without first using a finger bowl, because fruit juices make indelible stains.

Birds

Birds are not eaten with the fingers in company! You cut off as much of the meat as you can, and leave the rest on your plate.

Forks Or Fingers

All juicy or "gooey" fruits or cakes are best eaten with a fork, but in most cases it is a matter of dexterity. If you are able to eat a peach in your fingers and not smear your face, let juice run down, or make a sucking noise, you are the one in a thousand who may, and with utmost propriety, continue the feat. If you can eat a napoleon or a cream puff and not let the cream ooze out on the far side, you need not use a fork, but if you can not eat something—no matter what it is—without getting it all over your fingers, you must use a fork, and if necessary, a knife also!

All rules of table manners are made to avoid ugliness; to let any one see what you have in your mouth is repulsive; to make a noise is to suggest an animal; to make a mess is disgusting. On the other hand, there are a number