Plays 2: Weird Time Blues Shuffle, Colin Peterson, George O'Sullivan [8 ebook reader txt] 📗

There’s a clue to: AVOID THE WAR YOU SHITHEAD, OR YOU WILL DIE!

 

Rebel: Fine, just don’t kill me in my sleep. Sorry, if I threw you hard -- I didn’t mean to! I'll get some TCP, I  noticed how easily you bruise. Where is the TCP? It isn't bad, is it? I feel so bad -- I’m not normally violent! Honest! I think you are a lovely person -- I wouldn’t want to kill --

 

Scrut: So don’t, then we won’t!

 

Rebel: Well of course, but I must make my stand -- it is in my nature! You and your bully boy tactics will not be stood for by this charismatic individual!. I shall thwart you!

 

Scrut: Oh, that’s so romantic!

 

Rebel: I don’t want to be romantic -- I want to be heroic! Or can’t I be both?

 

Scrut:  If you want. We shall go for that mind scan tomorrow to check out your ‘psychological’ profile. We use the term ‘psychological’ very weakly, as you have no idea what one mind will do another will not. We need to be sure. Or, more importantly, we need to be right for once! So far, the track record is great. That explains why you now describe this as a utopia compared with your earth, which was, if I can say, a bit of a shit hole. [Beat.] So rest up -- especially as you now know your enemy. [Sniggers.] Not bad that, was it?

 

Rebel: Yeah, well, whatever, that will show you! Don’t fuck with me! I'm up with pop culture, you fascist!  I use to collect Pogs and Ninja Turtles. I’ll see you in the morning.

 

Scrut: Fine. It wasn't about cartoons and retro fads; it was about a song and the original Capra propaganda film --

 

Rebel: Ooh, you're so clever! I haven't got time to read it all, I just know don't I? Yeah, suck on those apple-shaped eggs!  

 

[Rebel starts to masturbate again; he closes his eyes, pretending Scrut cannot see him. Scrut stares, intrigued at first, possibly aroused. The Rebel ejaculates into Scrut’s eye. She wipes it out of her eye and off her face with a tissue; and then licks the excess ejaculate off her fingers. She then laughs, like a child and exits.] 

 

Rebel: Wow, how can she put up with me? I think I'm in love!

 

[Rebel starts to masturbate again.]

 

Scene 5: News report.

[We see a man with a bag running onto a stage. The man plugs himself in to a large monitor. Then other people run in, with bags, and plug themselves into a large monitor They then start taking out lots of food from bags and eating, and urinating where they sit. They just don’t care. They fart and really smell. Then the monitor is switched on. We get a fast-forwarded pictures of certain historical events, as we see the burning of money, soldiers with tanks and kids[from 1919 Germany, playing with stacks of useless money, due to hyper-inflation. We then hear some pan-pipes, this is while we hear a news report.]

 

News Report announcer [off]: Good day? Isn’t life great? Well, there is a tremble in the power of happiness today. Our small little settlement, has historically been visited by a capitalist! A real life capitalist shit. This is a discovery worthy of historical comment, which hopefully will bring us a clearer picture of the past. It’s not that we have a dirty one, well actually, we just don’t really have a picture at all. We just hope a few people will remember. The party who claimed to be the capitalist is named us RJB. This is , of course, a coded name: he's a rebel. He says he is in fear of the state, and thinks we are all being controlled really easy! Like that is new! Maybe, this guy is some mad Orwell fan, working for a small, independent, publisher, just harmlessly trying to flog a few more books? What no-one reads the classics anymore!? What do you people at home think? Contact me, on the MTX212 and we will get back to you! Real or fake, this capitalist rebel guy will cause a stir -- and the media love it! No wars or famines, or murders, gets dull being a news anchor. I would rant, but, oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t speak about my personal life, but I will. It all happened when I met Tania Bryer, and I waltzed into Lakeside -- You must go there? Oh, forget about it! Don’t go there then! I was trying to plug something and you --

 

[It gets turned off.]

 

[Scrut and PO enter with a Suited Man.]

 

Scrut: Okay, so you kill him -- it has got out of hand already. He is getting a following, people think he’s -- oh, god forbid it, funny.

 

PO: How do you mean funny -- I don’t find him funny!

 

Suited Man: No, nor do I ! How am I funny?

 

PO: I don’t care about you-we are talking about him!

 

Scrut: [to Suited Man.] I don’t get why people laugh when he tries to charge them paper money for something and seduce women by buying them stuff, which everyone can get! We must save our small settlement from this kind of pollution! Mr. Vallenomorbioos C. Smith. Can I call you VC, for short?

 

VC: Well, my full name is Trapapapapapapaap. I do like being called Tra. Or VC, yes that will do.

 

Scrut: Okay, right that is sorted. [Who made up these names? Your parents must have been very fucked up!

 

VC: That is why I am a hit-man! ]

 

Scrut:  You are the last soldier -- ever! But now you will fire the last gun ever produced in Domia. It just so happens to be the only gun, in Domia. There is also only one bullet You cannot lose it, you must kill him; it’s so easy!

 

PO: It ain’t easy -- I never will be! Apart from now, that is. Which is not easy-easy, but fairly easy. Fine, I'm easy!

 

Scrut:  [to PO] Shut up you legal cunt! I’m sorry to swear, but this is a serious situation. We have the power now, but it will be harder later. Are you loyal? 

 

VC: Will you sleep with me if I say yeah?

 

Scrut: I should keep you focused! Okay, I will sleep with you! [Drunken cheers from offstage.]Then we can fuck after wards! [To audience.] Oh, who fell for that one?

 

VC: He is as good enough dead -- don’t worry I won’t sleep with him!

 

[VC exits way too dramatically.]

 

PO: Those hit-men, they never wear there ‘Slangifiers’. Language changes so quickly, we must be liberal enough to adapt. It is a shame, isn’t it? Do you want a tea? Could've been a bit more interesting if we had done, like an old Shakespeare-thing, to him! You know, gender-bending? So, we can have a bit of fun for a change, and do some luvvie police work!

 

Scrut: I know. Soft power is under-rated. Oh, I have to meet an old person for lunch. They are old and I have to have lunch with them. It’s good for them. And me. It’s a complex scenario!

 

PO: That’s sounds fun. I should go and meet a young person. In the park. No, not on the common -- don't start that again! But, wow, we're going all communal! [Beat.] Are the press going to be there?

 

Scrut: Yeah, so some recognition would go into my CV and all would be hunkydory! Recognition, that is what it is just all about too!  It’s one of those things that everyone wants-at some point. Hopefully save up some money to go into space, but I still say a good reference will help me get into the White House!

 

[Scrut exits. The PO looks bored and plugs himself into a TV.  The Rebel enters. he gets on a soapbox, and puts a fake TV round his head. This TV, could be made out of cardboard, but is not real. Hear static noises then we hear rebel, with megaphone. ]

 

RJB: Hello, Settlement of Domia, you are in danger! This is my current attempt at rebranding!  I know this because I am radical! Oh, yes, I am! I am the one who can see that you are a slave colony! I am promoting not the past, but a future without the totalitarian machinery. They do everything for you: wash your clothes, give you all the latest technology; which isn’t too bad, I suppose. Then they dish out food distribution, they have all your details on ID card, and they know everything about you! Yes, you! You are compromising with this regime, at the moment, but what if something better comes along? Like what? How about freedom? But you don’t get it. Do you? You society cannot harm us? Don’t you dare join hands and say ‘We shall overcome’! Your perfect society -- and I know you will say ‘It’s not perfect’ -- but your perfect society is a tyranny crisis waiting to burst! You will laugh it off-why? Because you are happy! Oh, you people you do nothing even when repeatedly told! Why don’t you see that you’re controlled! What sort of society give out free drugs, health care and free access to all state archive!! This is too good to be true, and I smell a fat capitalist rat-cat, erm, pig, thing! A thing, exactly! Be scared!

 

[Everyone laughs.]

 

VC: Okay folks, thanks for scanning in, and I will see you on the Chat Show frame tomorrow!

 

Scene 6: Chat Show.

[The Rebel is on a Chat Show with Scrut and, the PO and the Mayor. VC is the host.]

 

VC: Hello, folks and welcome to That Domia Chat Show. This week we have a shock! Yes, I know, we are in for a debate. I know we have not had a debate since The Police Officer-seated beside me, had to rescue a cat from a tree. He tied a sausage to his truncheon, right? This is another, similar, ethical issue. Today, we are going to focus on whether or not Domia is a -- [O.T.T. Melodramatic piped music.] a totalitarian regime or a perfect state! Oh, we have been blinded, have we been living with shi-muck in our eyes, as This rebel, known only as RJB, claims. Or are we living in a just world-as the law will claim and Miss Scrut would support. Okay, let’s put this before the panel. The rebranded rebel, Mr. RJB, what do you think-come on; let’s talk about this like adults [and remember -- no swearing!]

 

RJB: Well, I’m a Rebel! So fuck you! I will say what I want about this -- I know I’m right. And I can re-brand myself as I want to durng the night! In this case you think you are living in a perfect settlement! Well, I'm telling you all that Domia is flawed. I had lived in a capitalist society -- so I know all the evils! This society you have forged for yourself is fraudulent! How do I know this-I hear you ask? Well, I will prove it to you. Okay, you have ID cards, right? They prove that your identity is secure, but you also record purchases -- what you use, what you consume is noted on these hi-tech computerized chips in the cards. It’s all in the air. I am not paranoid; I am just a bit tetchy. You cannot discard these cards as they are memberships for societal survival, but that proves it! You don’t realise that government you elect know everything you do! See, they have you! You can’t see it! the police are ‘helpful’ everyone is ‘helpful’! If you make a complaint it is dealt with quickly-too quickly for my liking! They are giving out false information! The police have too much control and you don’t debate enough, you just lock yourselves in your chambers and interact through machines! 

 

VC: Umm, interesting. Mr Police Officer! [Sneezes and says:] Filth! Do you have answer to that?

 

PO: Honest, we are not trying to control anyone, we want to keep order, but