Never Ending Humorous Poems, Tasha [love letters to the dead .txt] 📗

Why the Chicken Crossed the Road

Hello, and welcome to my humble abode
Please sit while I tell you the tale of why I crossed the road
Although there were lots of cars I still crossed it
I wobbled slowly across thinking that I would surely get hit
I was safely on the other side when I saw the butcher
He held a cleaver in his hand, but he wasn't much of a looker
He spotted me across the road and instantly rushed across
Only he didn't make it across because a car came out of nowhere
His life was surely at a loss
So, next time someone asks you why I crossed the road and made it over
Tell one that I was running from the butcher
The one that wasn't much of a looker
Now he's dead and I'm alive and very well in many jokes
Yes, it is all very true, and that is my tale, folks

Writer's Block

I have writer's block
My brain seems to be full of chalk
I can't think of anything
That my poor brain could bring
My thoughts just wave around thin air
I have writer's block, it isn't fair

I have writer's block, I say
You do too? Touche
This is one block that isn't fun
It often leaves my writing undone
My thoughts just wave around thin air
I have writer's block, and I'm in despair

I have writer's block, I really do
I think my brain is filled with goo
I hope you know that it's contagious
I try my best to be courageous
My thoughts just wave around thin air
I have writer's block, beware!
Writer's block go away!
At what price do I have to pay?
Please, I'm begging you to leave me alone
Just stop turning my thoughts into stone!
Someone tell me how to get rid of this disease
That leaves my thoughts in cold air to freeze

Wasting Time

I need something to do until seven
That's approximately 20 more minutes
Please, Father Time, speed up
I know that in every minute
There is 60 seconds
But sometimes 60 seconds
Go by much slower
Than the 60 seconds
Who go by fast
How many seconds do I need to go by?
What is 60 times 20, let's see
1200 seconds needs to pass
I'm bored, I'm telling you
So, I'm sitting here
In this corner
Actually, on this sofa
Writing
This
Lame
Poem
Oh my, guess what?
It's only 6:43
Know what that means?
Yep, dinner time :)

Don't Say Can't

Don't say can't or your mama will feel taint
Your daddy will fall in a bucket of constraint
Your sister will cry till her birthday in July
And Your dog will just fall out and die

Teasing

"One rice head in the playroom," my siblings teased me
"One rice head in the playroom!" they screamed, filled with glee
"One rice head in the playroom!" "Stop!" I had to plea
"Reading her stupid book!" Oh, how I wished to be free

"You a rice head," they would chide
"I know you are but what am I?" I would cry
"A rice head," they would reply
"I know you are but what am I?" I would again try

"Shutup!" they would shout
"Shut don't go up prices do..." I would pout
"Rices do! Ahahahahah!" they would spout
"So take your advice and shutup too!" I would spit out.

Mouth Filled With Glue

She wanted to eat some glue
So she poured some glue onto her tooth
She chewed it up, it's the truth
Oh, a mouth filled with glue

She opened it wide and showed her friend
“I'm telling!” He said, surely this was the end
“Tattletale!” She yelled not trying to defend
He acted as if he didn't hear her, pretend

The teacher came and yelled at the girl
“I was just being curious!” She said with a twirl
“I'm calling your mother!” the teacher exclaimed
The girl said, “No matter what you do, I won't feel ashamed!”

Her mother came and got her with silent thoughts
“How was it?” Her mother asked, “Did it taste like sauce?”
“It was a bit tangy, I don't know,” the girl said with a bore
Then they both laughed and laughed some more

Sick

This cough really needs to get lost
My brain needs to show this bacteria who's boss
It's making me feel so at an unease
Achooo! Ugh, I just took a sneeze
Causing my nose to run
Being sick is in no way fun
I hope my immune system show this foreigner who's boss
I am dead serious, this cough needs to get lost

A Very Fat Cat

I sat with my huge butt on the carpet
Waiting for my master to get back from the market
He went out to buy me a huge feast
Tonight I was sure to eat like a beast
I heard the door open and pranced forward
My master just walked past me, onward
In his hand he only carried fruits
He carried lots of fresh produce
I was angry at my master and began to hiss
I scratched at his leg, obviously pissed
He shook me off and I landed splat
This position did not soothe me, a very fat cat

Battle With Sleep