Wild Flowers, Robert Bloomfield [funny books to read txt] 📗

add a short extract from Sir Thomas Brown, of Norwich, M. D. who was born three years before Milton, and outlived him eight years.

"It were not impossible to make an original reduction of many words of no general reception in _England_, but of common use in _Norfolk_, or peculiar to the _East-Angle_ counties; as, Bawnd, Bunny, Thurck, Enemis, Matchly, Sainmodithee, Mawther, Kedge, Seele, Straft, Clever, Dere, Nicked, Stingy, Noneare, Fett, Thepes, Gosgood, Kamp, Sibrit, Fangast, Sap, Cothish, Thokish, Bide-owe, Paxwax. Of these, and some others, of no easy originals, when time will permit, the resolution shall be attempted; which to effect, the Danish language, new, and more ancient, may prove of good advantage: which nation remained here fifty years upon agreement, and have left many families in it, and the language of these parts had surely been more commixed and perplex, if the fleet of _Hugo de Bones_ had not been cast away, wherein three-score thousand souldiers, out of Britany and Flanders, were to be wafted over, and were, by King _John's_ appointment, to have a settled habitation in the counties of _Norfolk_ and _Suffolk_." Tract the viii. on Languages, particularly the Saxon. Folio, 1686, page 48.



THE HORKEY.

A Provincial Ballad.

What gossips prattled in the sun,
Who talk'd him fairly down,
Up, memory! tell; 'tis Suffolk fun,
And lingo of their own.

Ah! _Judie Twitchet!_[A] though thou'rt dead,
With thee the tale begins;
For still seems thrumming in my head
The rattling of thy pins.



[Footnote A: Judie Twitchet was a real person, who lived many years with my mother's cousin Bannock, at Honnington.]

Thou Queen of knitters! for a ball
Of worsted was thy pride;
With dangling stockings great and small,
And world of clack beside!

"We did so laugh; the moon shone bright;
"More fun you never knew;
"'Twas Farmer Cheerum's _Horkey night_,
"And I, and Grace, and Sue----

"But bring a stool, sit round about,
"And boys, be quiet, pray;
"And let me tell my story out;
"'Twas _sitch_ a merry day!

"The butcher whistled at the door,
"And brought a load of meat;
"Boys rubb'd their hands, and cried, 'there's more,'
"Dogs wagg'd their tails to see't.

"On went the boilers till the _hake_[Footnote: A sliding pot-hook]
"Had much ado to bear 'em;
"The magpie talk'd for talking sake,
"Birds sung;--but who could hear 'em?

"Creak went the jack; the cats were _scar'd_,
"We had not time to heed 'em,
"The _owd hins_ cackled in the yard,
"For we forgot to feed 'em!

"Yet 'twas not I, as I may say,
"Because as how, d'ye see;
"I only help'd there for the day;
"They cou'dn't lay't to me.

"Now Mrs. Cheerum's best lace cap
"Was mounted on her head;
"Guests at the door began to rap,
"And now the cloth was spread.

"Then clatter went the earthen plates--
"'Mind Judie,' was the cry;
"I could have _cop't_[Footnote: Thrown] them at their pates;
"'Trenchers for me,' said I.

"'That look so clean upon the ledge,
"'And never mind a fall;
"'Nor never turn a sharp knife's edge;--
"'But fashion rules us all.'

"Home came the jovial _Horkey load_,
"Last of the whole year's crop;
"And Grace amongst the green boughs rode
"Right plump upon the top.

"This way and that the waggon reel'd,
"And never queen rode higher;
"_Her_ cheeks were colour'd in the field,
"And ours before the fire.

"The laughing harvest-folks, and John,
"Came in and look'd askew;
"'Twas my red face that set them on,
"And then they leer'd at Sue.

"And Farmer Cheerum went, good man,
"And broach'd the _Horkey beer_;
"And _sitch a mort_[Footnote: Such a number.] of folks began
"To eat up our good cheer.

"Says he, 'Thank God for what's before us;
"'That thus we meet agen,'
"The mingling voices, like a chorus,
"Join'd cheerfully, 'Amen.'--

"Welcome and plenty, there they found 'em,
"The ribs of beef grew light;
"And puddings--till the boys got round 'em,
"And then they vanish'd quite!

"Now all the guests, with Farmer Crouder,
"Began to prate of corn;
"And we found out they talk'd the louder,
"The oftner pass'd the Horn.

"Out came the nuts; we set a cracking;
"The ale came round our way;
"_By gom_ we women fell a clacking
"As loud again as they.

"John sung 'Old Benbow' loud and strong,
"And I, 'The Constant Swain,'
"'Cheer up my Lads,' was Simon's song,
"'We'll conquer them again.'

"Now twelve o'clock was drawing nigh,
"And all in merry cue;
"I knock'd the cask, 'O, ho!' said I,
"'We've almost conquer'd you.'

"_My Lord_[Footnote: The leader of the reapers.] begg'd round, and held
his hat,
"Says Farmer Gruff, says he,
"There's many a Lord, Sam, I know that,
"Has begg'd as well as thee.'

"Bump in his hat the shillings tumbl'd
"All round among the folks;
"'Laugh if you wool,' said Sam, and mumbl'd,
"'You pay for all your jokes.'

"Joint stock you know among the men,
"To drink at their own charges;
"So up they got full drive, and then
"Went out to _halloo largess_.[Footnote: See advertisement.]

"And sure enough the noise they made!!--
--"But let me mind my tale;
"We follow'd them, we wor'nt afraid,
"We'ad all been drinking ale.

"As they stood hallooing back to back,
"We, lightly as a feather,
"Went sideling round, and in a crack
"Had pinn'd their coats together.

"'Twas near upon't as light as noon;
"'_A largess_,' on the hill,
"They shouted to the full round moon,
"I think I hear 'em still!

"But when they found the trick, my stars!
"They well knew who to blame,
"Our giggles turn'd to ha, ha, ha's,
"And _arter_ us they came.

"Grace by the tumbril made a squat,
"Then ran as Sam came by,
"They said she could not run for fat;
"_I know_ she did not try.

"Sue round the _neathouse_[Footnote: Cow-house.] squalling ran,
"Where Simon scarcely dare;
"He stopt,--for he's a fearful man--
"'_By gom_ there's _suffen_[Footnote: Something.] there!'

"And off set John, with all his might,
"To chase me down the yard,
"Till I was nearly _gran'd_[Footnote: Strangled.] outright;
"He hugg'd so woundly hard.

"Still they kept up the race and laugh,
"And round the house we flew;
"But hark ye! the best fun by half
"Was Simon _arter_ Sue.

"She car'd not, dark nor light, not she,
"So, near the dairy door
"She pass'd a clean white hog, you see,
"They'd _kilt_ the day before.

"High on the spirket [Footnote: An iron hook.] there it hung,--
"'Now Susie--what can save ye?'
"Round the cold pig his arms he flung,
"And cried, 'Ah! here I have ye!'

"The farmers heard what Simon said,
"And what a noise! good lack!
"Some almost laugh'd themselves _to dead_,
"And others clapt his back.

"We all at once began to tell
"What fun we had abroad;
"But Simon stood our jeers right well;
--"He fell asleep and snor'd.

"Then in his button-hole upright,
"Did Farmer Crouder put,
"A slip of paper twisted tight,
"And held the candle _to't_.

"It smok'd, and smok'd, beneath his nose,
"The harmless blaze crept higher;
"Till with a vengeance up he rose,
"Grace, Judie, Sue! fire, fire!

"The clock struck one--some talk'd of parting,
"Some said it was a sin,
"And _kilch'd_ their chairs;--but those for starting
"Now let the moonlight in.

"_Owd_ women, loitering _for the nonce_,[Footnote: For the purpose.]
"Stood praising the fine weather;
"The menfolks took the hint at once
"To kiss them altogether.

"And out ran every soul beside,
"A _shanny-pated_[Footnote: Giddy, thoughtless.] crew;
"_Owd_ folks could neither run nor hide,
"So some _ketch'd_ one, some _tew_.

"They _skriggl'd_[Footnote: To struggle quick.] and began to scold.
"But laughing got the master;
"Some _quack'ling_[Footnote: Choaking.] cried, 'let go your hold;'
"The farmers held the faster.

"All innocent, that I'll be sworn,
"There wor'nt a bit of sorrow,
"And women, if their gowns _are_ torn,
"Can mend them on the morrow.

"Our shadows helter skelter danc'd
"About the moonlight ground;
"The wondering sheep, as on we pranc'd,
"Got up and gaz'd around,

"And well they might--till Farmer Chcerum,
"Now with a hearty glee,
"Bade all good morn as he came near 'em,
"And then to bed went he.

"Then off we stroll'd this way and that,
"With merry voices ringing;
"And Echo answered us right pat,
"As home we rambl'd singing.

"For, when we laugh'd, it laugh'd again,
"And to our own doors follow'd!
"'Yo, ho!' we cried; 'Yo, ho!' so plain
"The misty meadow halloo'd.

"That's all my tale, and all the fun,
"Come, turn your wheels about;
"My worsted, see!--that's nicely done,
"Just held my story out!!"

Poor Judie!--Thus Time knits or spins
The worsted from Life's ball!
Death stopt thy tales, and stopt thy pins,
--And so he'll serve us all.

THE BROKEN CRUTCH.

A Tale.

"I tell you, Peggy," said a voice behind
A hawthorn hedge, with wild briars thick entwin'd,
Where unseen trav'llers down a shady way
Journey'd beside the swaths of new-mown hay,
"I tell you, Peggy, 'tis a time to prove
Your fortitude, your virtue, and your love.
From honest poverty our lineage sprung,
Your mother was a servant quite as young;--
You weep; perhaps _she_ wept at leaving home,
Courage, my girl, nor fear the days to come.
Go still to church, my Peggy, plainly drest,
And keep a living conscience in your breast;
Look to yourself, my lass, the maid's best fame,
Beware, nor bring the Meldrums into shame:
Be modest, to the voice of age attend,
Be honest, and you'll always find a friend:
Your uncle Gilbert, stronger far than I,
Will see you safe; on him you must rely;
I've walk'd too far; this lameness, oh! the pain;
Heav'n bless thee, child! I'll halt me back again;
But when your first fair holiday may be,
Rise with the lark, and spend your hours with me."

Young Herbert Brooks, in strength and manhood bold,
Who, round the meads, his own possessions, stroll'd,
O'erheard the charge, and with a heart so gay,
Whistled his spaniel and pursu'd his way.

A Hint for a Libertine.

Soon cross'd his path, and short obeisance paid,
Stout Gilbert Meldrum and a country maid;
A box upon his shoulder held full well
Her worldly riches, but the truth to tell
She bore the chief herself; that nobler part.
That beauteous gem, an uncorrupted heart.
And