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caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." -Anonymous

"Happiness is a journey not a destination..." -Souza

"The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it." -Mark Twain

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." -Fred Allen

"Start everyday off with a smile and get it over with." -W.C. Fields

"When I was a boy the dead sea was only sick." - George Burns

"Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense dancing." -William James

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn." -Irvin S. Cobb

"Humor is reason gone mad." - Groucho Marx

"Love is blind...and occasionally deaf and sometimes pretty dumb. I'm sorry." -Unknown

"Remember, when things get rough just put on a happy face...then poke your finger in the eye of the jerk who's driving you crazy!" -Unknown

"Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough call their friends at 3:00 in the morning." -Unknown

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?" -Anonymous

"The only lesson history has taught us is that man has not yet learned anything from history." -Anonymous

"Familiarity breed contempt-and children." -Mark Twain

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." -Mark Twain

"A man chases a woman until she catches him." -Anonymous

"The best eraser in the world is a good night's sleep." -Anonymous

"We live in a rainbow of chaos." -Paul Cezanne

"When your dreams turn to dust, vacuum." -Anonymous

"Some people make things happen, some watch while things happen, and some wonder 'What happened?'" -Anonymous

"I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past." -Thomas Jefferson

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." -Mark Twain

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation leans on the doorbell." -Anonymous

"To know all things is not permitted." -Horace

"Someday is not a day of the week." -Anonymous

"If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking." -Anonymous

"Nearly all men can handle adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -Abraham Lincoln

"Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty." - Mark Twain

"It's hard enough to remember my opinions without also remembering my reasons for them!" Fredich Nietzsche

"He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever." -Chinese Proverb

"An optimist is a man who starts a crossword puzzle with a pen." -Anonymous

"If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality what so ever!" -Anonymous

"Physics lesson: when a body is submerged in water, the phone rings." -Anonymous

"If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done." -Anonymous

"New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, with out any other reason but because they are not common." -John Locke

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." -Walter Bagehot

"Arrogant and right is surely better than humble and wrong." -Geoff Arbuthnot

"Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't." -Anonymous

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women." -Marion Smith

"If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it's okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. But only if you're serious about adopting the vulture." -Jack Handey

"What happens if a big asteroid hits earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad." -Dave Berry

"So many men, so many reasons to sleep alone." -Unknown

"Alcohol was invented so ugly people could get laid too." -Unknown

"A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth." -Unknown

"Easy there Mr. Testosterone, you can be replaced my a zucchini." -Unknown

"Love is the self delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex." - Dan Greenburg

"It's hard to pull your foot out of your mouth...when your head is up your ass." -Feddler Von Schtickler

"Forgive those who hurt you, but break their heads if they do it again!" -Sandra S.

"Since light travels faster than sound people appear bright until you hear them." -Anonymous

"When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually." -Anonymous

"I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!" -Anonymous

"There's very little advice in men't magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked.'" -Jerry Seinfeld

"I chased a women for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine- we were both crazy about girls." -Groucho Marx

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." -Jack Handy

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy." -Henry Kissinger

"Never go to be angry...always stay up and argue." -Unknown

"The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see and knows what the mind cannot understand." -Unknown

"The best part of 'Believe' is the 'lie'" - unknown

"Be optimistic, all the people you hate are going to eventually die." -Unknown

"Life without music is like a body without a soul." -Unknown

"They laugh because I'm different,I laugh because they're the same." -Unknown

"A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say, 'It's because you're gay isn't it?'" -Unknown

"If life gives you lemons-make grape juice. Then sit back and let people wonder how you did it." - Kigichi Ishiritari

"A good friend helps you up when you fall, a best friend laughs at you then trips you again." -Unknown

"He was a giant of a horse, glistening black. The head was that of the wildest of all creatures-and it was beautiful, savage, splendid. A stallion with a wonderful physical perfection that matched his savage, ruthless spirit." -Walter Farley

"He is pure air and fire; and the dull elements of earth and water never appear in him." -William Shakespear

"On the wings of the morning they gather and fly. In the hush of the night time I hear them go by. The horses of memory thundering through with flashing fetlocks all wet with the dew." -Will H. Ocilvie

"Gypsy gold does not click and glitter: it gleams in the sun and neighs in the dark." -Gypsy saying

"And the breed of horse they reared could not be surpassed in the world- they were made of fire and flame, and not of dull, heavy earth." - Encyclopedia of Fairies

"His name is like a river flowing, and his eyes like embers glowing in the darkness of the night, and his pace as swift light." -Bryan Waller Proctor

"When Allah created the horse, he said to the wind, 'I will that a creature proceed from thee. Condense thyself.' and the wind condensed itself, and the result was the horse." -Marguerite Henry

"It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen

"The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep." -Woody Allen

"The air of heaven is that which blows between a horse's ears." -Arabian Proverb

"'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term." -Baron Frank N. Furter

"Old heroes never die; they reappear in sequels." -M. Moorcock

"If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit!" -Prof. H. Hill

"If you can't win fair, just win!" -U.S. Grant

"Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing!" -J. Caesar

"Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby." -R. Hood

"Life is a series of rude awakenings." -R.V. Winkle

"The truth which makes men free is, for the most part, the truth which men prefer not to hear." -Herbert Sebastian Agar

"When angry count four; when very angry swear." -Mark Twain

"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." -John F. Kennedy

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on." -Robert Bloch

"There are men I could spend eternity with. But not this life." -Kathleen Norris

"If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, as a woman." -Margaret Thatcher

"Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window you love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house." -Jean Kerr

"I think, therefore I'm single." -Liz Winston

"We were walking down the street. He looked into another girl's eyes, and just fell madly in love. She was wearing mirrored sunglasses." -Rita Rudner

"I never married because I have 3 pets at home that answer the same purpus as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all after noon, and a cat thta comes home late at night." -Marie Corelli

"I don't have buried anger against men. Because my anger is right on the surface." -Camille Paglia

"When a man gives his opinion he's a man. When a woman gives her opinion she's a bitch." -Bette Davis

"It's time to stop denying the 'inner bitch' in ourselves. Stop apologizeing for her. Set her free." -Elizabeth Hilts

"Her name is not It. You will not touch her. Any mark you leave on her, I will double on your worthless hide." -Unknown

"Did you just hit me for some shit I MIGHT do?!" - Carlose Mencia

"This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, a cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat, 20 cat, seconds cat. Now read it all without the word cat." -Unknown



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Publication Date: 01-23-2012

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